4 ms·

I'm not an active adversary at work - I'm highly productive, work well with others, and have a slew of positive recommendations from both managers and co-worker

I'm not an active adversary at work - I'm highly productive, work well with others, and have a slew of positive recommendations from both managers and co-workers. What I do not have is an ownership or equity stake in the business that I currently work for - at best there's a bonus opportunity. Since I do not own or have equity in the business it's not my place to commit more than what was agreed to with my employer at the time of my hiring - in fact, it would be unprofessional and against my best interests to do so. If they want more from me then they can pay me more (the same as they expect from their customers) - they don't get loyalty or credit in lieu of payment from me as they have no loyalty to me (and would lay me off if it made sure they could keep showing growth to investors). Of course I'm flexible for emergencies as anybody should be, but, at the end of the day, it's a job. It pays my bills - I'm working it to live, not living to work at it. That said, I'm sure my position would change slightly if I was the owner of the business or had equity in it and my efforts could materially increase profit and directly benefit me. Alas, that is not this position, and I'd argue it is both unprofessional and certainly unhealthy to give up other obligations and relationships for a job like this. > "the people [not at work] I actually love and care about" I don't love my coworkers, and I never will - not in the same way that I love my family and love my friends. That is just a cold hard reality about business. At some point they may stop working here. At some point I definitely will stop working here (likely for a better paying job or a job with better working conditions). There is no point to becoming any more attached to my coworkers than the standard cordial business relationship. I'm friendly to them, I am accommodating in ways that I can within my responsibilities to the business, but they are not my friends and they are not my family. I am responsible on a different level and with a different commitment to my friends and family in ways that I am not with coworkers. Perhaps this is a difference in philosophy, but I don't care to hear from or spend time with coworkers outside of work. I have friends, family, hobbies, projects, and other things to do - life is too short to sit in too many cookouts with coworkers off the clock to talk about things at work to the uncompensated benefit of my boss and to the detriment of time with my friends and family.

evilduck 3y ago
I appreciate the more nuanced reply, and I think those are pretty reasonable positions. Your original reply, again, seemed like you were angry that a manager might care about how you're doing as a person and that they had ulterior motives for wanting to talk to you. My personal position isn't that you need to love or even like your coworkers/managers/employees as friends, or spend time with them without compensation, but caring about others as people and not as cogs in a machine is important in building a professional career. I've seen too many people in the workplace wall themselves off, actively resist building any connections, never see advancement or try to grasp any opportunities, and then they leave for whatever reason and not a single person in their orbit gave a fuck that that they ever existed.
- cmh89 3y ago
  >but caring about others as people and not as cogs in a machine is important in building a professional career. You're ignoring power dynamics. It's impossible for a manager and their reports to have real relationships and conversations. Asking them questions they shouldn't answer honestly is just self-serving. A manager who wants to "care" about their employees as people is just doing a disservice to those employees. They can be understanding, they can provide flexibility for employees to take care of themselves, but they can't and shouldn't try to ask employees about their personal feelings.

evilduck 3y ago

I appreciate the more nuanced reply, and I think those are pretty reasonable positions. Your original reply, again, seemed like you were angry that a manager might care about how you're doing as a person and that they had ulterior motives for wanting to talk to you. My personal position isn't that you need to love or even like your coworkers/managers/employees as friends, or spend time with them without compensation, but caring about others as people and not as cogs in a machine is important in building a professional career. I've seen too many people in the workplace wall themselves off, actively resist building any connections, never see advancement or try to grasp any opportunities, and then they leave for whatever reason and not a single person in their orbit gave a fuck that that they ever existed.

cmh89 3y ago
>but caring about others as people and not as cogs in a machine is important in building a professional career. You're ignoring power dynamics. It's impossible for a manager and their reports to have real relationships and conversations. Asking them questions they shouldn't answer honestly is just self-serving. A manager who wants to "care" about their employees as people is just doing a disservice to those employees. They can be understanding, they can provide flexibility for employees to take care of themselves, but they can't and shouldn't try to ask employees about their personal feelings.