3 ms·

does anybody else consider "how to win friends and influence people" a red flag whenever somebody mentions it as one of their favorite or most impactful books?

jborden13 3y ago
No it's a solid read on human behavior
squeaky-clean 3y ago
I don't think so. I see this sentiment a lot from people who haven't actually read the book. People often think it's about being manipulative or something. It's really just a super basic guide on making and maintainibg friends. Like if you already have a group of friends and no worries about keeping that, you probably already know everything in the book. As someone who grew up as the perpetual outcast, the advice in that book was really useful for me. It was essentially cliff-notes for social skills I should have learned at the age of 10 but didn't. The only "red flag" I see when someone mentions the book is that they were probably very socially inept at some point in the past like I was. They still might be, but they're working on it.
- greenie_beans 3y ago
  that's interesting. i've never read the book, maybe i'll give it a try. only had an experience with a person who highly recommended it and they weren't very trustworthy.
  - squeaky-clean 3y ago
    The advice in it certainly can be used by untrustworthy people or in malicious ways but so can any other social advice really. I'm sure some people buy the book to only read the sections about asking people to do things for you or being a better salesman (Which doesn't have to literally be selling things. Maybe I'm trying to convince my friends to try some new board game at game night instead of the same 3 we always play). But even then you'd have to ignore most of those chapters' advice about putting the buyer's needs first. Ultimately the core of the book is "think about the other person and their perspective" and gives advice on how to apply that in cases of making friends, keeping friends and having good business relationships. Or to frame it a more selfish way, "the best way to get what you want from other people is to give them what they want first." Like I said, it's nothing groundbreaking, but the stories and examples were helpful to me when I was socially clueless. The average person might still find value in it because even though these things are easy to know, it takes conscious effort to apply. But I also think writing "Pause and think about the other person" on your hand with a marker will have exactly the same benefit unless you really need some of these things spelled out for you.
cloverich 3y ago
Its impactful for people with social anxiety, on the spectrum, a mix therein, etc. This book taught me how to talk to people, and steered me from a life of intense social anxiety and isolation towards being able to talk to and get to know other humans. The majority of people I know in life would not need this book, or probably find it a bit stupid even. But for me it was pivotal, and I bet many on HN had a similar experience.

jborden13 3y ago

No it's a solid read on human behavior

squeaky-clean 3y ago

I don't think so. I see this sentiment a lot from people who haven't actually read the book. People often think it's about being manipulative or something. It's really just a super basic guide on making and maintainibg friends. Like if you already have a group of friends and no worries about keeping that, you probably already know everything in the book. As someone who grew up as the perpetual outcast, the advice in that book was really useful for me. It was essentially cliff-notes for social skills I should have learned at the age of 10 but didn't. The only "red flag" I see when someone mentions the book is that they were probably very socially inept at some point in the past like I was. They still might be, but they're working on it.

greenie_beans 3y ago
that's interesting. i've never read the book, maybe i'll give it a try. only had an experience with a person who highly recommended it and they weren't very trustworthy.
- squeaky-clean 3y ago
  The advice in it certainly can be used by untrustworthy people or in malicious ways but so can any other social advice really. I'm sure some people buy the book to only read the sections about asking people to do things for you or being a better salesman (Which doesn't have to literally be selling things. Maybe I'm trying to convince my friends to try some new board game at game night instead of the same 3 we always play). But even then you'd have to ignore most of those chapters' advice about putting the buyer's needs first. Ultimately the core of the book is "think about the other person and their perspective" and gives advice on how to apply that in cases of making friends, keeping friends and having good business relationships. Or to frame it a more selfish way, "the best way to get what you want from other people is to give them what they want first." Like I said, it's nothing groundbreaking, but the stories and examples were helpful to me when I was socially clueless. The average person might still find value in it because even though these things are easy to know, it takes conscious effort to apply. But I also think writing "Pause and think about the other person" on your hand with a marker will have exactly the same benefit unless you really need some of these things spelled out for you.

cloverich 3y ago

Its impactful for people with social anxiety, on the spectrum, a mix therein, etc. This book taught me how to talk to people, and steered me from a life of intense social anxiety and isolation towards being able to talk to and get to know other humans. The majority of people I know in life would not need this book, or probably find it a bit stupid even. But for me it was pivotal, and I bet many on HN had a similar experience.