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And her daughter won 2 Olympic gold medals! That family must be intense!

by kevmo 3y ago

xattt 3y ago
The perspective from the inside is pretty different from the outside. High-functioning families see their achievements as “normal” while the rest of the community looks around in awe.
- sdfghswe 3y ago
  Yes. That's because "high-functioning families" compare themselves with those who are better, not those who are worse. They go "sure I got 2 olympic medals, but bob and suse also got 2 each. It's not a big deal". They never dwell in thoughts like "I got 2 olympic medals, and look at the billions of people who got zero." It's just a culture of self-improvement.
  - anonporridge 3y ago
    It's just what happens whenever you rise in the ranks of any domain. People in the 99th percentile aren't super happy and satisfied that they've outcompeted 99% of the participating population who look at them with awe and envy. They're comparing themselves to the 99.9th percentile who leave them in awe and envy. I think it's important for any high performer to occasionally step out of their narrow perception of the world and really grok how far ahead they are compared to everyone else. This is definitely something a lot of my high income tech friends could learn to appreciate when they get caught up feeling like a loser for only making $250k total comp.
    - xattt 3y ago
      > I think it's important for any high performer to occasionally step out of their narrow perception of the world and really grok how far ahead they are compared to everyone else. A (pre-Putin) Russian proverb goes it’s better to be first in the village, than it is to be last in the city.
  - DaedPsyker 3y ago
    And misery if done wrong. I have to temper my perfectionist temperament to avoid the self flagellation that comes with small failings.
    - funnym0nk3y 3y ago
      I'm not sure about that. Being in a state of constant fear of failure doesn't enable one to do great stuff.
      - somenameforme 3y ago
        Absolutely. Becoming world class at anything, especially anything competitive, also involves failing about a million times on the way up. In coaching chess one of the first things one tends to ask is what the student wants to achieve. And the typical response has something to do with winning. But they don't need you for that. If they just want to win, then they but need to never play anybody better than themselves! Improving involves blood, sweat, tears, and defeat. Only to come back ever stronger.
        funnym0nk3y 3y ago
        That's maybe the essence of a growth mindset. I want to play. Winning is secondary.
        cm2012 3y ago
        Building a business is the same way. Just constant punches in the face you have to persevere through.
      - darkwater 3y ago
        You can fail or have success on many dimensions. There is probably some skill you are good innately, or better than a large chunk of population. On that dimension you will have probably have built a pretty good self-esteem over the years, but you know that you can still improve (hence comparing yourself with who got 4 medals if you have 2) but fear of failing will not completely block you, only stress you more to raise the bar. On the other hand, in domains where you are not so good by default, if you are a perfectionist you can totally risk being paralyzed until you think you are "good enough for it".
- ChicagoBoy11 3y ago
  I know a family of a nobel prize winner, and everyone in it is just insanely talented -- like, if you were to caricature the experience of a super genius family you'd actually probably get pretty close to them. And, your point is spot on. For them, the sheer creativity and output (in writing, science, and music) of the whole family was kind of seen as table stakes and something rather unremarkable. Whenever I was over for dinner I felt like a kid in class who hadn't done the reading haha (just in terms of how hard it was to keep up... they were all super gracious and I have many many cherished memories from the time we hung out)

And her daughter won 2 Olympic gold medals! That family must be intense!

by kevmo 3y ago

And her daughter won 2 Olympic gold medals! That family must be intense!

The perspective from the inside is pretty different from the outside. High-functioning families see their achievements as “normal” while the rest of the community looks around in awe.

sdfghswe 3y ago
Yes. That's because "high-functioning families" compare themselves with those who are better, not those who are worse. They go "sure I got 2 olympic medals, but bob and suse also got 2 each. It's not a big deal". They never dwell in thoughts like "I got 2 olympic medals, and look at the billions of people who got zero." It's just a culture of self-improvement.
- anonporridge 3y ago
  It's just what happens whenever you rise in the ranks of any domain. People in the 99th percentile aren't super happy and satisfied that they've outcompeted 99% of the participating population who look at them with awe and envy. They're comparing themselves to the 99.9th percentile who leave them in awe and envy. I think it's important for any high performer to occasionally step out of their narrow perception of the world and really grok how far ahead they are compared to everyone else. This is definitely something a lot of my high income tech friends could learn to appreciate when they get caught up feeling like a loser for only making $250k total comp.
  - xattt 3y ago
    > I think it's important for any high performer to occasionally step out of their narrow perception of the world and really grok how far ahead they are compared to everyone else. A (pre-Putin) Russian proverb goes it’s better to be first in the village, than it is to be last in the city.
- DaedPsyker 3y ago
  And misery if done wrong. I have to temper my perfectionist temperament to avoid the self flagellation that comes with small failings.
  - funnym0nk3y 3y ago
    I'm not sure about that. Being in a state of constant fear of failure doesn't enable one to do great stuff.
    - somenameforme 3y ago
      Absolutely. Becoming world class at anything, especially anything competitive, also involves failing about a million times on the way up. In coaching chess one of the first things one tends to ask is what the student wants to achieve. And the typical response has something to do with winning. But they don't need you for that. If they just want to win, then they but need to never play anybody better than themselves! Improving involves blood, sweat, tears, and defeat. Only to come back ever stronger.
      - funnym0nk3y 3y ago
        That's maybe the essence of a growth mindset. I want to play. Winning is secondary.
      - cm2012 3y ago
        Building a business is the same way. Just constant punches in the face you have to persevere through.
    - darkwater 3y ago
      You can fail or have success on many dimensions. There is probably some skill you are good innately, or better than a large chunk of population. On that dimension you will have probably have built a pretty good self-esteem over the years, but you know that you can still improve (hence comparing yourself with who got 4 medals if you have 2) but fear of failing will not completely block you, only stress you more to raise the bar. On the other hand, in domains where you are not so good by default, if you are a perfectionist you can totally risk being paralyzed until you think you are "good enough for it".
ChicagoBoy11 3y ago
I know a family of a nobel prize winner, and everyone in it is just insanely talented -- like, if you were to caricature the experience of a super genius family you'd actually probably get pretty close to them. And, your point is spot on. For them, the sheer creativity and output (in writing, science, and music) of the whole family was kind of seen as table stakes and something rather unremarkable. Whenever I was over for dinner I felt like a kid in class who hadn't done the reading haha (just in terms of how hard it was to keep up... they were all super gracious and I have many many cherished memories from the time we hung out)