4 ms·

Sometimes I will be having a conversation with someone and then their phone will buzz or make some sound and the person's attention will shift entirely to the p

Sometimes I will be having a conversation with someone and then their phone will buzz or make some sound and the person's attention will shift entirely to the phone. I don't think people realize the effect these gadgets have on their cognition. I have a phone but it is always on silent. I've decided that it is not acceptable to remotely hijack my attention. No notification on my phone sent by some corporation is ever urgent and basically never requires my immediate attention.

mr_mitm 3y ago
That's why I believe phone calls should be considered intrusive these days. Unless it's an emergency or you're my mom, you should send a text. I'm not going to notice anyway unless I'm looking at my phone while you call.
- don-code 3y ago
  I also believe this. The counterpoint was made to me by a close friend who prefers to call (I also have friends who _only_ call) - "you really only engage people on your own terms" - which in some ways makes me a bad friend.
  - mr_mitm 3y ago
    Well why not agree on a time to call via text so it can be on both parties terms. Or speak on my voicemail if they absolutely insist on calling, as I probably won't pick up.
    - wccrawford 3y ago
      When someone says "on your own terms" what they really mean is "I want it on my terms instead". There's no defense against it, because anything you suggest is "on your own terms" again.
- wildrhythms 3y ago
  I agree and I frequently come back to read this great anti-telephone manifesto titled 'I hate telephones' by Jim Fisher. You might enjoy it: https://jameshfisher.com/2017/11/08/i-hate-telephones/ https://jameshfisher.com/2017/11/08/i-hate-telephones/
  - mr_mitm 3y ago
    He got a lot of good points, except I don't share the experience of phobia. Probably because of my job which required me to take and make calls regularly. Since then I don't feel the slightest bit of phobia, just a strong annoyance when someone interrupts my day. Everything else is very agreeable.
swayvil 3y ago
Why is the phone always automatically higher priority than the guy you're talking to? Seems messed up. What's the psychology with that? Is it a FOMO thing? Should we feel insulted?
- haltist 3y ago
  Good question. I have no idea why people allow their attentionto be hijacked by algorithms. My guess is they just don't realize what is happening.
- xyst 3y ago
  The pandemic, years of Ivy League scholar manipulation via social media companies, and generally everything almost tied to your phone (banking, investments, work...). It's all stacked against you.
wallhack 3y ago
Yeah, and it’s also incredibly rude. Like, we’re having lunch together in person, and mid-sentence, they disappear into their phone for minutes at a time. I stop hanging out with these types of people. If online bullshit is more important than actual real life, what is even the point? I leave on notifications for calls and calendar events. That’s it. Texts are silenced but appear on the lock screen. Everything else is a red dot only. My friends point out how weird this is. But when I see multiple stacks of unread notifications on their lock screens, it seems exhausting.
- Reflecticon 3y ago
  YOUR behavior is weird? Looks more like your friends are justifying their behavior to continue doing what they are doing.
- seszett 3y ago
  > I stop hanging out with these types of people. It's a natural reaction, but these people are actually suffering from an addiction and for at least some of them (those who can take remarks and act on them) it's better to tell them in a friendly way that you are having a discussion. Most people are aware that cutting off a discussion is impolite and undesirable, they just don't realise they're doing it.
  - jjgreen 3y ago
    I admire your positive attitude, but it's similar to smackheads, they're just no fun to be around. "Have you thought of taking less Heroin" won't cut it.
    - wccrawford 3y ago
      I think you're getting downvoted because of your comparison to hard drugs, but you're not wrong about the people. That phone is more engaging to them than the conversation they're in, and if you try to tell them about it, they use all the same excuses that other addicts use, plus a few more.
jacquesm 3y ago
Same happens with phone calls themselves. People on the other side seem to assume they take automatic precedence over whatever else you were doing.
lm28469 3y ago
> I have a phone but it is always on silent Same here, the only time it'll make noise is if my gf calls twice in a row or if there is a national nuclear war alert
- ilkke 3y ago
  How do you set it to notify you if she calls twice in a row?
  - lm28469 3y ago
    It's called "allow repeat caller" on android, on my pixel 3a it's under Notifications > do not disturb > People > Calls. From there you can chose the option for all "starred contacts" or individual contacts
whywhywhywhy 3y ago
I started just sitting there silent and waiting for them to finish and I've found it pretty successful in getting them to stop doing it. Usually people use someone looking at their phone as an excuse to pull theirs out and start playing with it. Think refusing to do that yourself and just waiting for them to stop messing with it sends enough of a message.

mr_mitm 3y ago

That's why I believe phone calls should be considered intrusive these days. Unless it's an emergency or you're my mom, you should send a text. I'm not going to notice anyway unless I'm looking at my phone while you call.

don-code 3y ago
I also believe this. The counterpoint was made to me by a close friend who prefers to call (I also have friends who _only_ call) - "you really only engage people on your own terms" - which in some ways makes me a bad friend.
- mr_mitm 3y ago
  Well why not agree on a time to call via text so it can be on both parties terms. Or speak on my voicemail if they absolutely insist on calling, as I probably won't pick up.
  - wccrawford 3y ago
    When someone says "on your own terms" what they really mean is "I want it on my terms instead". There's no defense against it, because anything you suggest is "on your own terms" again.
wildrhythms 3y ago
I agree and I frequently come back to read this great anti-telephone manifesto titled 'I hate telephones' by Jim Fisher. You might enjoy it: https://jameshfisher.com/2017/11/08/i-hate-telephones/ https://jameshfisher.com/2017/11/08/i-hate-telephones/
- mr_mitm 3y ago
  He got a lot of good points, except I don't share the experience of phobia. Probably because of my job which required me to take and make calls regularly. Since then I don't feel the slightest bit of phobia, just a strong annoyance when someone interrupts my day. Everything else is very agreeable.

swayvil 3y ago

Why is the phone always automatically higher priority than the guy you're talking to? Seems messed up. What's the psychology with that? Is it a FOMO thing? Should we feel insulted?

haltist 3y ago
Good question. I have no idea why people allow their attentionto be hijacked by algorithms. My guess is they just don't realize what is happening.
xyst 3y ago
The pandemic, years of Ivy League scholar manipulation via social media companies, and generally everything almost tied to your phone (banking, investments, work...). It's all stacked against you.

wallhack 3y ago

Yeah, and it’s also incredibly rude. Like, we’re having lunch together in person, and mid-sentence, they disappear into their phone for minutes at a time. I stop hanging out with these types of people. If online bullshit is more important than actual real life, what is even the point? I leave on notifications for calls and calendar events. That’s it. Texts are silenced but appear on the lock screen. Everything else is a red dot only. My friends point out how weird this is. But when I see multiple stacks of unread notifications on their lock screens, it seems exhausting.

Reflecticon 3y ago
YOUR behavior is weird? Looks more like your friends are justifying their behavior to continue doing what they are doing.
seszett 3y ago
> I stop hanging out with these types of people. It's a natural reaction, but these people are actually suffering from an addiction and for at least some of them (those who can take remarks and act on them) it's better to tell them in a friendly way that you are having a discussion. Most people are aware that cutting off a discussion is impolite and undesirable, they just don't realise they're doing it.
- jjgreen 3y ago
  I admire your positive attitude, but it's similar to smackheads, they're just no fun to be around. "Have you thought of taking less Heroin" won't cut it.
  - wccrawford 3y ago
    I think you're getting downvoted because of your comparison to hard drugs, but you're not wrong about the people. That phone is more engaging to them than the conversation they're in, and if you try to tell them about it, they use all the same excuses that other addicts use, plus a few more.

jacquesm 3y ago

Same happens with phone calls themselves. People on the other side seem to assume they take automatic precedence over whatever else you were doing.

lm28469 3y ago

> I have a phone but it is always on silent Same here, the only time it'll make noise is if my gf calls twice in a row or if there is a national nuclear war alert

ilkke 3y ago
How do you set it to notify you if she calls twice in a row?
- lm28469 3y ago
  It's called "allow repeat caller" on android, on my pixel 3a it's under Notifications > do not disturb > People > Calls. From there you can chose the option for all "starred contacts" or individual contacts

whywhywhywhy 3y ago

I started just sitting there silent and waiting for them to finish and I've found it pretty successful in getting them to stop doing it. Usually people use someone looking at their phone as an excuse to pull theirs out and start playing with it. Think refusing to do that yourself and just waiting for them to stop messing with it sends enough of a message.