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I'm not the person you replied to, but I'm now in my mid-30s and I too have written off having children for a number of reasons: * Having and raising children

I'm not the person you replied to, but I'm now in my mid-30s and I too have written off having children for a number of reasons: * Having and raising children is expensive (both financially and otherwise) regardless any factor(s). Any parent will corroborate this. * I do not find life worth foisting upon a new individual; life is nothing but challenges and hardships. I refuse to throw a newborn life into this hellscape. * Related to the above, I refuse to make my children be witnesses to my inevitable death. I am in that phase of life where I must deal with the eventual passing of my parents, and that is fucking hell. I do not wish this experience upon anyone, and to that end I refuse to have children because to do so means I wish this hellish experience upon them. * Children as a concept is hypocritical: On the one hand I am responsible for their well-being and that implies I can and will and should have a say in their life; on the other hand they are independent individuals whom I cannot violate, and I refuse to impose my will upon them anyway because that is not my place. * I find the entire notion of a family far too bothersome for my life. I do not need nor want a spouse whom I won't ever understand anyway and whom I will grow to resent. I do not need nor want children whom I won't ever understand anyway and whom will grow to resent me. I do not need nor want familial relations which will all be concentrated bullshit. I do not need nor want any of that noise in my life, I desire peace and tranquility.

gls2ro 3y ago
> I am in that phase of life where I must deal with the eventual passing of my parents, and that is fucking hell The life has a way to handle this: children. Not saying you should but just saying that having children makes passing of the parents a bit less hellish. Will not make it easy but children forces us to be in the present and in the local now and contemplate less about about the extended family or past. Just to clarify: it will be extremely immoral and unethical to have children just to alleviate this. And damaging in so many ways. I am just presenting a side effect here.
tomp 3y ago
> Having and raising children is expensive (both financially and otherwise) regardless any factor(s). Any parent will corroborate this. I’m a parent, I disagree. I might have thought in my 20s that having kids is expensive, but in my 30s I make so much money that is not an issue. Buying a house, that is expensive :) > I do not find life worth foisting upon a new individual; life is nothing but challenges and hardships. I refuse to throw a newborn life into this hellscape. Have you spoken to a therapist recently? You might be depressed. From my point of view, life is beautiful and challenges make it interesting.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- weatherlite 3y ago
  > From my point of view, life is beautiful and challenges make it interesting This is a very deep and philosophical question, I think its perfectly reasonable for people who are not depressed to still come to the conclusion that they don't want to create more life since life itself is too difficult. Even in a best case scenario of being born to a rich, loving family in some prosperous democracy you still have to deal with yours and everyone you loves mortality. I think there's another interesting issue that may be going on - people postpone having kids more and more, many start seriously considering it in their late 30s. That's an age where most people also start feeling the squeeze of midlife - ill parents you need to take care of, sometimes your own health starting to decline a bit etc. It's not surprising some people give up on kids.
- satvikpendem 3y ago
  You are rich enough that raising a child is no longer a major expense for you, is this not the exception that proves the parent commenter's rule, then? Most are not so lucky as you.
  - themaninthedark 3y ago
    There are a large number of people who make significantly less than SWE here that have and raise children. Rural Appalachia is one example.
    - satvikpendem 3y ago
      Appalachia is much cheaper than SF, so one can make less and still have a good time raising their kids. It's not about absolute income, it's about purchasing power parity between areas of a country or world.
  - RestlessMind 3y ago
    Poor people have more children, just fyi
croo 3y ago
To sum up, you don't have kids because you want to save them from... life. Uhh are you okay?
- wiseowise 3y ago
  Don’t worry, some of us are burdened by this weird feeling called “empathy”. You don’t.
- Dalewyn 3y ago
  Perfectly fine and happy as I can be, thanks for the concern.
mensetmanusman 3y ago
Your ability to think you understand exactly how bad the future will turn out is working against you and helping you have a depressing outlook.
- Dalewyn 3y ago
  I do not care about the future, I am talking about the here and now and I refuse to foist this upon a hypothetical child of mine. My goal is to lead a peaceful, tranquil life and when the time comes for my passing to leave as little as possible behind in my wake. Ideally I hope to not suddenly die in a freak incident, so I can relinquish or otherwise destroy my personal possessions prior to my passing. If nobody notices I ever existed after I pass, I am satisfied.

gls2ro 3y ago

> I am in that phase of life where I must deal with the eventual passing of my parents, and that is fucking hell The life has a way to handle this: children. Not saying you should but just saying that having children makes passing of the parents a bit less hellish. Will not make it easy but children forces us to be in the present and in the local now and contemplate less about about the extended family or past. Just to clarify: it will be extremely immoral and unethical to have children just to alleviate this. And damaging in so many ways. I am just presenting a side effect here.

tomp 3y ago

> Having and raising children is expensive (both financially and otherwise) regardless any factor(s). Any parent will corroborate this. I’m a parent, I disagree. I might have thought in my 20s that having kids is expensive, but in my 30s I make so much money that is not an issue. Buying a house, that is expensive :) > I do not find life worth foisting upon a new individual; life is nothing but challenges and hardships. I refuse to throw a newborn life into this hellscape. Have you spoken to a therapist recently? You might be depressed. From my point of view, life is beautiful and challenges make it interesting.

deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
weatherlite 3y ago
> From my point of view, life is beautiful and challenges make it interesting This is a very deep and philosophical question, I think its perfectly reasonable for people who are not depressed to still come to the conclusion that they don't want to create more life since life itself is too difficult. Even in a best case scenario of being born to a rich, loving family in some prosperous democracy you still have to deal with yours and everyone you loves mortality. I think there's another interesting issue that may be going on - people postpone having kids more and more, many start seriously considering it in their late 30s. That's an age where most people also start feeling the squeeze of midlife - ill parents you need to take care of, sometimes your own health starting to decline a bit etc. It's not surprising some people give up on kids.
satvikpendem 3y ago
You are rich enough that raising a child is no longer a major expense for you, is this not the exception that proves the parent commenter's rule, then? Most are not so lucky as you.
- themaninthedark 3y ago
  There are a large number of people who make significantly less than SWE here that have and raise children. Rural Appalachia is one example.
  - satvikpendem 3y ago
    Appalachia is much cheaper than SF, so one can make less and still have a good time raising their kids. It's not about absolute income, it's about purchasing power parity between areas of a country or world.
- RestlessMind 3y ago
  Poor people have more children, just fyi

croo 3y ago

To sum up, you don't have kids because you want to save them from... life. Uhh are you okay?

wiseowise 3y ago
Don’t worry, some of us are burdened by this weird feeling called “empathy”. You don’t.
Dalewyn 3y ago
Perfectly fine and happy as I can be, thanks for the concern.

mensetmanusman 3y ago

Your ability to think you understand exactly how bad the future will turn out is working against you and helping you have a depressing outlook.

Dalewyn 3y ago
I do not care about the future, I am talking about the here and now and I refuse to foist this upon a hypothetical child of mine. My goal is to lead a peaceful, tranquil life and when the time comes for my passing to leave as little as possible behind in my wake. Ideally I hope to not suddenly die in a freak incident, so I can relinquish or otherwise destroy my personal possessions prior to my passing. If nobody notices I ever existed after I pass, I am satisfied.