2 ms·

Yes but how did I make that male friend? I've met every single one of my friends in a mixed-gender context (college, rec league sports, work, friend's party, D&

Yes but how did I make that male friend? I've met every single one of my friends in a mixed-gender context (college, rec league sports, work, friend's party, D&D group, etc.). I'm a man, I'm in a long-term committed relationship with a woman, and I have plenty of good friends who are women. I've hung out with all of them either one-on-one or with other women besides my partner, otherwise I wouldn't consider them good friends. I've never heard anyone express surprise about this, I've never had anyone decline an invitation because they aren't "allowed" to hang out with men, I've never had a second thought about any of this. > if you are in a relationship I still disagree even with this qualifier, but fyi this is moving the goalposts a bit. The original commenter suggested that mixed-gender friendships don't ever make sense.

carlosjobim 3y ago
> I've met every single one of my friends in a mixed-gender context (college, rec league sports, work, friend's party, D&D group, etc.). They were acquaintances when you met them there, and later became friends. > I've hung out with all of them either one-on-one or with other women besides my partner, otherwise I wouldn't consider them good friends. I'm kind of surprised by that. Do you mean that you are spending time alone with other women in their houses or in your house, and your spouse is fine with that? Maybe people are far less sexual in different places in the world, but where I live everybody will assume that when a man and a woman spend time together alone, they are having sex. I assume that too. Of course discounting for relatives. All my women friends completely understood that I couldn't see them outside of in a group setting when I got into a relationship.
- burkaman 3y ago
  > Do you mean that you are spending time alone with other women in their houses or in your house, and your spouse is fine with that? Yes that is what I mean. I guess more often in public or at some event, but sometimes at one of our homes. > where I live everybody will assume that when a man and a woman spend time together alone, they are having sex Here's what I don't understand: if you can't trust your partner to not instantly have sex when you aren't around, then why would you trust them to never be alone with other people in the first place? Does that make sense? In other words: "You can go hang out with that guy, but don't have sex with him" - impossible, she'd never be able to resist the urge "I'm going out of town for a couple days, don't go see any male acquaintances while I'm gone" - I trust her completely, of course she'll do as I say How can you believe both of these things? You either trust her or you don't.
  - carlosjobim 3y ago
    > Here's what I don't understand: if you can't trust your partner to not instantly have sex when you aren't around It's not really about that. When people are grown up, there's really no reason for people to be one-on-one with the opposite sex unless it is for intimate reasons. And I think people are more sexual here (or people where you live are un-sexual), because most women and men here don't really want to have intimate friendship with people of the opposite sex, unless there is a sexual spark. This might sound weird to you, but if somebody is so repulsive that you don't want to have sex with them, why would you want to be intimate friends with such a repulsive person? And the opposite: If somebody is so repulsed by you etc. That doesn't mean people are horn-dogs that are trying for sex all the time. It's just a law of nature that when a man and a woman are together alone, they will sleep together. After all, that's what we were born to do.

carlosjobim 3y ago

> I've met every single one of my friends in a mixed-gender context (college, rec league sports, work, friend's party, D&D group, etc.). They were acquaintances when you met them there, and later became friends. > I've hung out with all of them either one-on-one or with other women besides my partner, otherwise I wouldn't consider them good friends. I'm kind of surprised by that. Do you mean that you are spending time alone with other women in their houses or in your house, and your spouse is fine with that? Maybe people are far less sexual in different places in the world, but where I live everybody will assume that when a man and a woman spend time together alone, they are having sex. I assume that too. Of course discounting for relatives. All my women friends completely understood that I couldn't see them outside of in a group setting when I got into a relationship.

burkaman 3y ago
> Do you mean that you are spending time alone with other women in their houses or in your house, and your spouse is fine with that? Yes that is what I mean. I guess more often in public or at some event, but sometimes at one of our homes. > where I live everybody will assume that when a man and a woman spend time together alone, they are having sex Here's what I don't understand: if you can't trust your partner to not instantly have sex when you aren't around, then why would you trust them to never be alone with other people in the first place? Does that make sense? In other words: "You can go hang out with that guy, but don't have sex with him" - impossible, she'd never be able to resist the urge "I'm going out of town for a couple days, don't go see any male acquaintances while I'm gone" - I trust her completely, of course she'll do as I say How can you believe both of these things? You either trust her or you don't.
- carlosjobim 3y ago
  > Here's what I don't understand: if you can't trust your partner to not instantly have sex when you aren't around It's not really about that. When people are grown up, there's really no reason for people to be one-on-one with the opposite sex unless it is for intimate reasons. And I think people are more sexual here (or people where you live are un-sexual), because most women and men here don't really want to have intimate friendship with people of the opposite sex, unless there is a sexual spark. This might sound weird to you, but if somebody is so repulsive that you don't want to have sex with them, why would you want to be intimate friends with such a repulsive person? And the opposite: If somebody is so repulsed by you etc. That doesn't mean people are horn-dogs that are trying for sex all the time. It's just a law of nature that when a man and a woman are together alone, they will sleep together. After all, that's what we were born to do.