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> This doesn’t mean you have to silence your feelings – but just own them as your feelings. “Hey, I get that you are busy. Still, when I open a PR and nobody an

> This doesn’t mean you have to silence your feelings – but just own them as your feelings. “Hey, I get that you are busy. Still, when I open a PR and nobody answers, it feels like this contribution is not wanted. If that’s true, just tell me, I can go elsewhere.” Hahaha. When at first you don't get the validation you sought, follow up with a passive-aggressive narrative intended to evoke guilt. FFS. Other people exist. People who pull this manipulative crap are the epitome of toxic. Notice the lack of empathy for the maintainer and what they might have going on. It's all about how you feel when it comes to open-source communities. It selects for feeble minds you can push around through rhetoric.

smohare 3y ago
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jstarfish 3y ago
Dead comment I'm vouching for: > Imagine being in a relation with the parent here and being told you’re manipulative just for employing a bog standard communication strategy of healthy relations. Lovely. Other people exist. As a human actively engaging in this thread, you could address me directly. Instead you refer to me in third person like I'm some object, in defense of the emotionally-abusive rhetoric I called out. Using emotionally-abusive rhetoric to defend the same is pretty fucked. Outside of abusive relationships, there is nothing "standard" about this form of discourse and you know it. You would never send a follow-up like that to a hiring manager reviewing your resume-- that shit does not fly. But you get away with it when you do it to your spouse or volunteers-- people who labor out of love. It's sadistic, cruel, and inexcusable. "Respond to me or I'll leave (and take the kids)" is hostage-taking behavior. There is nothing "healthy" about it either-- instilling fear, obligation and/or guilt in others is the textbook definition of emotional manipulation. Some reference to "FOG" is literally in every domestic violence pamphlet you'll find at any battered-women's shelter. The only thing that's changing is that this form of exploitation has become mainstream. It's still abusive behavior. > It’s like a masterclass in gaslighting. Thanks for your vote of confidence in my domestic violence awareness efforts. It has taken me many years and multiple career paths to understand well enough to articulate.

smohare 3y ago

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jstarfish 3y ago

Dead comment I'm vouching for: > Imagine being in a relation with the parent here and being told you’re manipulative just for employing a bog standard communication strategy of healthy relations. Lovely. Other people exist. As a human actively engaging in this thread, you could address me directly. Instead you refer to me in third person like I'm some object, in defense of the emotionally-abusive rhetoric I called out. Using emotionally-abusive rhetoric to defend the same is pretty fucked. Outside of abusive relationships, there is nothing "standard" about this form of discourse and you know it. You would never send a follow-up like that to a hiring manager reviewing your resume-- that shit does not fly. But you get away with it when you do it to your spouse or volunteers-- people who labor out of love. It's sadistic, cruel, and inexcusable. "Respond to me or I'll leave (and take the kids)" is hostage-taking behavior. There is nothing "healthy" about it either-- instilling fear, obligation and/or guilt in others is the textbook definition of emotional manipulation. Some reference to "FOG" is literally in every domestic violence pamphlet you'll find at any battered-women's shelter. The only thing that's changing is that this form of exploitation has become mainstream. It's still abusive behavior. > It’s like a masterclass in gaslighting. Thanks for your vote of confidence in my domestic violence awareness efforts. It has taken me many years and multiple career paths to understand well enough to articulate.