4 ms·

> Surely I'm not the only one who has been subjected to a seemingly endless stream of rom-coms where the protag ditches their SO for their good/best/work friend

by footy 3y ago

> Surely I'm not the only one who has been subjected to a seemingly endless stream of rom-coms where the protag ditches their SO for their good/best/work friend my entire life? So it shouldn't be surprising that some people are wary after being subjected to such propaganda. this exists of course, but surely we can tell the difference between fact and fiction? I just watched Midsommar last year but I am not afraid of Swedish people or the countryside. One would hope that having a modicum of life experience would be enough to counter such propaganda, and I don't think it's surprising that people are surprised to encounter this viewpoint in real life.

sillyfluke 3y ago
>this exists of course, but surely we can tell the difference between fact and fiction? I'm not sure we can? From what I understand, the person was responding to someone who literally had this happen to them after all. Life mimics art. Art mimics life. When you're told you're being left for someone that is a friend they have been frequently hanging out with one-on-one with your full knowledge, it takes a considerable amount of willpower to not introduce distrust to your psyche in your future relationships. Like you, such a rule would be a dealbreaker for me. But I know people who requested this rule because they didn't either trust themselves or trust their friends for not misinterperting the situation. Why is it ok to say you're tempted by alcohol but not ok to say you may be tempted by the people you may be normally attracted to given enough time, the right circumstances, interactions, conversations etc.?
- burkaman 3y ago
  It's ok to say that about yourself, but it's not ok to force that requirement on a partner ("My wife would never allow me to hang out with another woman solo"). It's also not reasonable to say that since it works for you, it's the most "sensible" thing for everyone.
  - geraldwhen 3y ago
    Huh? It’s perfectly okay. My wife and I have the same rules, and neither of us feel hampered by it. We don’t seek out opposite sex friends, and most events are by sex anyway (sports, board game groups, book clubs, etc.) Even at the gym, men hang with men and women with women. It’s just how it goes.
    - burkaman 3y ago
      I have genuinely never heard of a gender-segregated board game group or book club, and I've attended a lot of both. Sports, sure, but I find that usually only the more competitive leagues are gender-separated. When I join a recreational ultimate frisbee or soccer league, which I've done many times, it's always been mixed. I believe you, I just want to communicate that what you're describing is definitely not even close to universal. One or both of us (probably both) are living in a cultural bubble.
    - footy 3y ago
      We must live in very different areas. Most of my friends are either from sports (soccer watching, ultimate frisbee playing, running club, hiking club, etc.) or board game groups, and none of the ones I've ever attended are segregated. I have seen book clubs for men and book clubs for women advertised, but (especially those for men) seem to use gender segregation as a selling point—which would mean most of them aren't. Interesting how different life experiences are.

by footy 3y ago

sillyfluke 3y ago

>this exists of course, but surely we can tell the difference between fact and fiction? I'm not sure we can? From what I understand, the person was responding to someone who literally had this happen to them after all. Life mimics art. Art mimics life. When you're told you're being left for someone that is a friend they have been frequently hanging out with one-on-one with your full knowledge, it takes a considerable amount of willpower to not introduce distrust to your psyche in your future relationships. Like you, such a rule would be a dealbreaker for me. But I know people who requested this rule because they didn't either trust themselves or trust their friends for not misinterperting the situation. Why is it ok to say you're tempted by alcohol but not ok to say you may be tempted by the people you may be normally attracted to given enough time, the right circumstances, interactions, conversations etc.?

burkaman 3y ago
It's ok to say that about yourself, but it's not ok to force that requirement on a partner ("My wife would never allow me to hang out with another woman solo"). It's also not reasonable to say that since it works for you, it's the most "sensible" thing for everyone.
- geraldwhen 3y ago
  Huh? It’s perfectly okay. My wife and I have the same rules, and neither of us feel hampered by it. We don’t seek out opposite sex friends, and most events are by sex anyway (sports, board game groups, book clubs, etc.) Even at the gym, men hang with men and women with women. It’s just how it goes.
  - burkaman 3y ago
    I have genuinely never heard of a gender-segregated board game group or book club, and I've attended a lot of both. Sports, sure, but I find that usually only the more competitive leagues are gender-separated. When I join a recreational ultimate frisbee or soccer league, which I've done many times, it's always been mixed. I believe you, I just want to communicate that what you're describing is definitely not even close to universal. One or both of us (probably both) are living in a cultural bubble.
  - footy 3y ago
    We must live in very different areas. Most of my friends are either from sports (soccer watching, ultimate frisbee playing, running club, hiking club, etc.) or board game groups, and none of the ones I've ever attended are segregated. I have seen book clubs for men and book clubs for women advertised, but (especially those for men) seem to use gender segregation as a selling point—which would mean most of them aren't. Interesting how different life experiences are.