> You have a great sense of enthusiasm for the story and you have clearly put a lot of effort into it. What I recommend as your next step is that you work on re

> You have a great sense of enthusiasm for the story and you have clearly put a lot of effort into it. What I recommend as your next step is that you work on refining this into a form that matches the expectations of people who professionally read scripts. You can do that by attending X class, or Y workshop, or reading Z books/scripts/whatever. Mostly, you can do it by reading lots of scripts, and writing even more - so I encourage you to keep writing!" I see what you're trying to do here (soften absolutely brutal feedback), but I personally hate that style. Trying to be candid about feedback that is very much not candid is dishonest and gives its receiver false hope that might be unwarranted. Also, feedback like this is unclear. If I received this feedback, I would be thinking "Was my piece good, but could be better if I take classes? Or did they hate it? If they hated it, why aren't they telling me?" Just say the fucking thing. It's just like layoff or application rejection emails, or announcements that something is going up in price. Nobody cares about how "we thought you had potential, but" or "as a work family, we sometimes need to make tough decisions" or "look at how much value we've provided over the years." Everyone knows that something bad's about to happen. Just say the fucking thing.