I'm not an English native speaker. I didn't notice anything peculiar in that copy. Of course as non native speaker I lack the skills to notice any nuances but o

I'm not an English native speaker. I didn't notice anything peculiar in that copy. Of course as non native speaker I lack the skills to notice any nuances but on the other side that means that it's OK for at least some of the potential customers. For native English speakers maybe you need some fixes that I can't see but would you sell the product by its convenience of by the copy?