It's unfortunate that the reflexive reaction is 'lighten up'. It's hard for people (in this case, men in the tech industry) to step outside their own heads and

It's unfortunate that the reflexive reaction is 'lighten up'. It's hard for people (in this case, men in the tech industry) to step outside their own heads and their own experience and imagine that it might be quite different for others (in this case, women in the tech industry). There also seems to be a lot of defensiveness and hurt feelings on the part of lots of men. A 'we've suffered too' kind of complaint seems to crop up a lot. And the subtext connects to the 'lighten up' argument - 'I didn't complain when things got tough for me, and neither should you'. I've observed a lot of internet debates deteriorate into comparisons of whose pain counts more, and discussions tend to be unsalvageable when they reach this point.