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Take don't seek pleasure for pleasure's sake. Which guy do you think does better with women: The one that goes up to a girl looking for sex? Or the one who i

Take don't seek pleasure for pleasure's sake. Which guy do you think does better with women: The one that goes up to a girl looking for sex? Or the one who is confident in himself, and goes up to the girl for the experience of it, to make friends, and depending on if the girl is cool or not, pursue something deeper? ------------- I'm not sure how any of these principles prevent you from being an awesome confident guy that gets women. Maybe these rules that you're talking about are just made by guys to prevent themselves from doing what they're scared of. But, don't these principles suggest to do exactly what you're scared of?

peteretep 15y ago
Please understand that I am answering this from experience - four years working as a full-time dating coach - rather than as what "should happen": The answer is the first, and also, the second guy is kidding himself. If you want to be an awesome confident guy that gets women, be an awesome confident guy that gets women. If you're seeking to define yourself by Living Like A Samurai, you have a weak model of self, and need to learn that life happens in shades of grey, rather than in absolutes.
- stopachka 15y ago
  I think I get where you're coming from. A lot of this can be interpreted as a way to shun yourself from the world and not face reality. But can't anyone do that with anything helpful? I lived in Colombia for a while, and partied a lot. Met tons of girls, along with guys who tried using what a lot of dating coaches teach, but it only restricted them...they defined themeselves absolutely by what they did. Then again I met a ton of guys who used what a lot of dating coaches teach to be awesome confident guys that get women. Maybe it all comes down to striving to be awesome confident guys, and defining yourself by anything--especially in absolutes--goes against that. That's why anyone that says they're a samurai, or a pick up artist, might not go very far. Hence the idea that philosophy or dating lessons are not at fault, it's the people who interpret them.
  - peteretep 15y ago
    > A lot of this can be interpreted as a way to shun yourself from the world and not face reality. But can't anyone do that with anything helpful? There are lots of texts on rising above worldly pleasures, and some are very good. I'm a particular fan of Ekhart Tolle's work, and I enjoyed the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying... The Tao of Pooh, and the Te of Piglet got me through a difficult adolescence. As with any idea, though, simplifying it too far tends to lose important subtleties. The mental austerity mentioned in the original post is likely to strike a resonant chord with many men who wished they had better self-control, and who wished they were acting with more general agency in their life. Men are complete suckers for certain ideals of manhood, certain archetypes that are well presented. If this is something that interests you, I can strongly recommend the books Iron John by Robert Bly, King Warrior Magician Lover by Robert Moore, and the excellent Way of The Superior Man by David Deida. I find this quote by Alan Watts particularly poignant, and perhaps an antidote to the original post: "We thought of life by analogy with a journey, a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end and the thing was to get to that end, success or whatever it is, maybe heaven after you’re dead. But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing or to dance while the music was being played." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4)

peteretep 15y ago

Please understand that I am answering this from experience - four years working as a full-time dating coach - rather than as what "should happen": The answer is the first, and also, the second guy is kidding himself. If you want to be an awesome confident guy that gets women, be an awesome confident guy that gets women. If you're seeking to define yourself by Living Like A Samurai, you have a weak model of self, and need to learn that life happens in shades of grey, rather than in absolutes.

stopachka 15y ago
I think I get where you're coming from. A lot of this can be interpreted as a way to shun yourself from the world and not face reality. But can't anyone do that with anything helpful? I lived in Colombia for a while, and partied a lot. Met tons of girls, along with guys who tried using what a lot of dating coaches teach, but it only restricted them...they defined themeselves absolutely by what they did. Then again I met a ton of guys who used what a lot of dating coaches teach to be awesome confident guys that get women. Maybe it all comes down to striving to be awesome confident guys, and defining yourself by anything--especially in absolutes--goes against that. That's why anyone that says they're a samurai, or a pick up artist, might not go very far. Hence the idea that philosophy or dating lessons are not at fault, it's the people who interpret them.
- peteretep 15y ago
  > A lot of this can be interpreted as a way to shun yourself from the world and not face reality. But can't anyone do that with anything helpful? There are lots of texts on rising above worldly pleasures, and some are very good. I'm a particular fan of Ekhart Tolle's work, and I enjoyed the Tibetan Book of Living and Dying... The Tao of Pooh, and the Te of Piglet got me through a difficult adolescence. As with any idea, though, simplifying it too far tends to lose important subtleties. The mental austerity mentioned in the original post is likely to strike a resonant chord with many men who wished they had better self-control, and who wished they were acting with more general agency in their life. Men are complete suckers for certain ideals of manhood, certain archetypes that are well presented. If this is something that interests you, I can strongly recommend the books Iron John by Robert Bly, King Warrior Magician Lover by Robert Moore, and the excellent Way of The Superior Man by David Deida. I find this quote by Alan Watts particularly poignant, and perhaps an antidote to the original post: "We thought of life by analogy with a journey, a pilgrimage, which had a serious purpose at the end and the thing was to get to that end, success or whatever it is, maybe heaven after you’re dead. But we missed the point the whole way along. It was a musical thing and you were supposed to sing or to dance while the music was being played." (https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4 https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ERbvKrH-GC4)