3 ms·

Do CrossFit, or some kind of group physical activity (martial arts, Brazilian judo, archery, whatever.) Try a few different places, since each has their own vib

Do CrossFit, or some kind of group physical activity (martial arts, Brazilian judo, archery, whatever.) Try a few different places, since each has their own vibe. Best part is that if nothing else works, at least you'll get exercise.

roarcher 3y ago
I second martial arts, particularly BJJ (though I haven't tried any others). Generally very chill people of all walks of life. And this might sound weird, but I do believe the close physical contact is both good for mental health and helps overcome social anxiety.
- giraffe_lady 3y ago
  The martial arts closeness is definitely an interesting one, I think it's under recognized/discussed. A common beginner judo exercise is to have students aggressively jump-chestbump each other. It's a physical warmup but the main purpose is to break down the sense of personal space we keep in normal life. More advanced students don't generally do it, having learned to context switch into "grappling mode" at will. I remember having one completely rough class where all got just worked, and during a break sitting in literally a pile of other students leaning back to back, helping each other rub out bruises, tape fingers etc and thinking "is this weird? this is a lot of intimacy, I barely know some of these people." There aren't many social contexts that have that level of physical interaction at all. It can be strengthening or healing for sure. Martial arts schools are also a major venue for interpersonal abuses of all kinds. The required intimacy and the culture of deference to authority are perfect for it. Everywhere I've trained you have people who left other schools but you only hear ominous rumors of why.
  - roarcher 3y ago
    Yeah it feels odd at first for sure. But like any other mammal, one of our social instincts is play fighting. You see it in kids with their roughhousing and horseplay, but as we get older it becomes less and less socially acceptable in most contexts. Socializing becomes less about having fun and bonding with people and more about observing unspoken rules and demonstrating that you know how to behave properly. There's nothing wrong with the latter, but you can't create genuine connections without the former. I believe this is why many people have the sense that their work friends aren't "real" and will fade away when they move on to their next job. The abuse thing is certainly an issue, unfortunately. The "coach waiting until student turns 18" scenario is apparently so common in BJJ that it's practically a meme at this point, though I've been fortunate enough to go to a school where it hasn't happened, as far as I'm aware.
gustavus 3y ago
I'll second this one, especially BJJ, BJJ is an activity where you get very close with people very quickly. I'd recommened though if you are looking for somewhere just to have fun and roll around to look first for a BJJ specific gym and avoid the MMA places as they tend to be a little more competitive.
- giraffe_lady 3y ago
  IDK the first bjj place I tried was so gross and intense, literally hazing-type behavior with new people. My current MMA gym has incredibly serious competitors but also grandad brown belts, 30-something hobbyists, and literally children. You can get rocked if you're specifically looking for that but it's very very chill if you're not. I don't think either of these is representative, but I've come to think no martial arts school is representative. You just got to look around and see what you find.
  - tstrimple 3y ago
    For sure some BJJ gyms are just as toxic as the OP says MMA gyms are. Some are very heavily focused on competition and train in a specific way likely based on cultural issues imported from Brazil. I think the key is to try multiple gyms (regardless of sport) because there's always a chance the culture at one will be toxic. I love that in my gym you also have the 70 year old brown belt who will smoothly choke you out with very little physical effort or discomfort to the 280lb serious competitor who will also choke you with very little physical effort or discomfort but will also match intensity if you're wanting to go harder. Most of the folks seem to do a very good job of matching intensity. The guys who want to roll hard and fast as they are preparing for a tournament have all of those opportunities, but they also realize they are in a gym with a bunch of filthy casuals like me. I've never felt in danger because folks want to go all out. Brand new white belts are the most dangerous folks in the gym. I did decide to try to keep up with my training by dropping into a class while traveling for business. That's where I got a bruised rib and had trouble breathing for a couple weeks because apparently there's some ego thing involved in putting visitors from other gyms in their place. I just stick with the place I know has good respectful folks now.
- 3y ago
euroderf 3y ago
Can recommend contemporary dance. The people are about as different from the I.T. crowd as you can imagine, and it addresses the chronic sense of disembodiedness that I.T. can engender. You can also approach it intellectually via (say) embodied cognition.

roarcher 3y ago

I second martial arts, particularly BJJ (though I haven't tried any others). Generally very chill people of all walks of life. And this might sound weird, but I do believe the close physical contact is both good for mental health and helps overcome social anxiety.

giraffe_lady 3y ago
The martial arts closeness is definitely an interesting one, I think it's under recognized/discussed. A common beginner judo exercise is to have students aggressively jump-chestbump each other. It's a physical warmup but the main purpose is to break down the sense of personal space we keep in normal life. More advanced students don't generally do it, having learned to context switch into "grappling mode" at will. I remember having one completely rough class where all got just worked, and during a break sitting in literally a pile of other students leaning back to back, helping each other rub out bruises, tape fingers etc and thinking "is this weird? this is a lot of intimacy, I barely know some of these people." There aren't many social contexts that have that level of physical interaction at all. It can be strengthening or healing for sure. Martial arts schools are also a major venue for interpersonal abuses of all kinds. The required intimacy and the culture of deference to authority are perfect for it. Everywhere I've trained you have people who left other schools but you only hear ominous rumors of why.
- roarcher 3y ago
  Yeah it feels odd at first for sure. But like any other mammal, one of our social instincts is play fighting. You see it in kids with their roughhousing and horseplay, but as we get older it becomes less and less socially acceptable in most contexts. Socializing becomes less about having fun and bonding with people and more about observing unspoken rules and demonstrating that you know how to behave properly. There's nothing wrong with the latter, but you can't create genuine connections without the former. I believe this is why many people have the sense that their work friends aren't "real" and will fade away when they move on to their next job. The abuse thing is certainly an issue, unfortunately. The "coach waiting until student turns 18" scenario is apparently so common in BJJ that it's practically a meme at this point, though I've been fortunate enough to go to a school where it hasn't happened, as far as I'm aware.

gustavus 3y ago

I'll second this one, especially BJJ, BJJ is an activity where you get very close with people very quickly. I'd recommened though if you are looking for somewhere just to have fun and roll around to look first for a BJJ specific gym and avoid the MMA places as they tend to be a little more competitive.

giraffe_lady 3y ago
IDK the first bjj place I tried was so gross and intense, literally hazing-type behavior with new people. My current MMA gym has incredibly serious competitors but also grandad brown belts, 30-something hobbyists, and literally children. You can get rocked if you're specifically looking for that but it's very very chill if you're not. I don't think either of these is representative, but I've come to think no martial arts school is representative. You just got to look around and see what you find.
- tstrimple 3y ago
  For sure some BJJ gyms are just as toxic as the OP says MMA gyms are. Some are very heavily focused on competition and train in a specific way likely based on cultural issues imported from Brazil. I think the key is to try multiple gyms (regardless of sport) because there's always a chance the culture at one will be toxic. I love that in my gym you also have the 70 year old brown belt who will smoothly choke you out with very little physical effort or discomfort to the 280lb serious competitor who will also choke you with very little physical effort or discomfort but will also match intensity if you're wanting to go harder. Most of the folks seem to do a very good job of matching intensity. The guys who want to roll hard and fast as they are preparing for a tournament have all of those opportunities, but they also realize they are in a gym with a bunch of filthy casuals like me. I've never felt in danger because folks want to go all out. Brand new white belts are the most dangerous folks in the gym. I did decide to try to keep up with my training by dropping into a class while traveling for business. That's where I got a bruised rib and had trouble breathing for a couple weeks because apparently there's some ego thing involved in putting visitors from other gyms in their place. I just stick with the place I know has good respectful folks now.
3y ago

euroderf 3y ago

Can recommend contemporary dance. The people are about as different from the I.T. crowd as you can imagine, and it addresses the chronic sense of disembodiedness that I.T. can engender. You can also approach it intellectually via (say) embodied cognition.