You get to build your own language in a couple, as in any partnership, all along the discussions you get to have. It’s not about what/how you used to say/think

You get to build your own language in a couple, as in any partnership, all along the discussions you get to have. It’s not about what/how you used to say/think it before that matters so much, it’s just a starting point. It’s what you get to decide what matters what now and for the future for both of you. Even at 45yo, you’re far from a complete person with a definitive mind and personality. The amount of changes you go through on your own, let alone with a partner, is staggering.