3 ms·

What I imagined initially were perhaps people with resources but not the elite network or know-how. But from the sound of it, you help people who are already el

What I imagined initially were perhaps people with resources but not the elite network or know-how. But from the sound of it, you help people who are already elite, people who know exactly what they're doing. Before all the technology and surveillance, elites had nothing to worry about - the kid just got in. Now the kid has to jump through all of the hoops, say all the right lines, deliver all the test answers etc. And it has to happen before he goes to the institution that's supposed to do the magic. Looking at my cousins' kid I didn't know what to think. They didn't do it on the level that you describe, but they definitely trained the boy to perfection. I couldn't say a bad thing about him, really - humble, ambitious, smart, clever, all perfect grades etc. Doesn't seem very "happy" though. How do you feel about it? Seeing how this sausage is made would you see it worthwhile to get your kid to do this sort of thing?

uberman 3y ago
I see it as a game that many feel is or justifiably should be as a fair one but like so many other things in life is not in fact fair. Sometimes we see the injustice clearly such as when a affluent person evades jailtime for the same crime that sent a under privileged person to jail. I am planning for my kids to attend college absolutely and have guided them to play a sport I think is a signal. By grade 8 they had all done the requisite volenteer hours at the places I feel are right. They took a language I feel they will need to be successful. They take advanced courses to boost their GPA above 4. I have encouraged them to be in the after school clubs I think are important even though they refuse to do them. They keep certain friends of our family apprised of their grades and other milestones. All that said, they play their fill of among us, hang with friends and refuse to clean their rooms and know they are free to push back on my recomendations. We keep them directed and motivated but empowered. They will leverage that life lesson as well come application time. One thing we dont do is have them work temporary jobs. I recognize that is a necessity for many families but we are fortunate that we have the resources that make that a non factor. My kid's sports are already basically part time jobs and build plenty of character, pride and respect for hard work.
- scyzoryk_xyz 3y ago
  Well put - all of it. We all live repeating narratives that we are what we make of ourselves and the fact that a lot of that actually comes from the stuff that is put into us by the folks who bring us up and into this world. My impression is that the biggest insight there is, is that this stuff is formed early and with the smallest things. Like going to a club when your parent tells you even if you don't want it or knowing both the consequences and the benefits of pushing back and asserting yourself. The narrative around temporary jobs is hard, I had those at a young age and thought they did something for me. Looking back, I'm not so sure that they really did anything for me character-wise.
  - uberman 3y ago
    I also worked part time jobs. Classic paper boy and gas station attendant. The reason we dont want our kids to have jobs is that their plates are already full with volenteer work and club and varsity sports that often overlap. If they also worked part time jobs it would eat into their free range time which we also think is important.
    - scyzoryk_xyz 3y ago
      As long as they “get it” that makes a lot of sense. At the end of the day it’s also just about bringing up good people who can contribute to this world. Not master of the universe types. I also find this fascinating because of my own confusing dual-national upbringing. Every society has slightly different elites with unique ideals driving how kids are selected in admissions processes. What’s silly in one echelon, can be important in another. In my European country people would laugh at this idea that somehow having a simple job helps with anything.
- meetingthrower 3y ago
  It is interesting here: all the richest most connected people in town have their kids working jobs at the local diner. Head of bank, PE firm, and local large corp all have their sons and daughters working part time. These folks are all double ivy educated as well - so they are playing the game. (And of course they all do sports, clubs, school etc.)

uberman 3y ago

I see it as a game that many feel is or justifiably should be as a fair one but like so many other things in life is not in fact fair. Sometimes we see the injustice clearly such as when a affluent person evades jailtime for the same crime that sent a under privileged person to jail. I am planning for my kids to attend college absolutely and have guided them to play a sport I think is a signal. By grade 8 they had all done the requisite volenteer hours at the places I feel are right. They took a language I feel they will need to be successful. They take advanced courses to boost their GPA above 4. I have encouraged them to be in the after school clubs I think are important even though they refuse to do them. They keep certain friends of our family apprised of their grades and other milestones. All that said, they play their fill of among us, hang with friends and refuse to clean their rooms and know they are free to push back on my recomendations. We keep them directed and motivated but empowered. They will leverage that life lesson as well come application time. One thing we dont do is have them work temporary jobs. I recognize that is a necessity for many families but we are fortunate that we have the resources that make that a non factor. My kid's sports are already basically part time jobs and build plenty of character, pride and respect for hard work.

scyzoryk_xyz 3y ago
Well put - all of it. We all live repeating narratives that we are what we make of ourselves and the fact that a lot of that actually comes from the stuff that is put into us by the folks who bring us up and into this world. My impression is that the biggest insight there is, is that this stuff is formed early and with the smallest things. Like going to a club when your parent tells you even if you don't want it or knowing both the consequences and the benefits of pushing back and asserting yourself. The narrative around temporary jobs is hard, I had those at a young age and thought they did something for me. Looking back, I'm not so sure that they really did anything for me character-wise.
- uberman 3y ago
  I also worked part time jobs. Classic paper boy and gas station attendant. The reason we dont want our kids to have jobs is that their plates are already full with volenteer work and club and varsity sports that often overlap. If they also worked part time jobs it would eat into their free range time which we also think is important.
  - scyzoryk_xyz 3y ago
    As long as they “get it” that makes a lot of sense. At the end of the day it’s also just about bringing up good people who can contribute to this world. Not master of the universe types. I also find this fascinating because of my own confusing dual-national upbringing. Every society has slightly different elites with unique ideals driving how kids are selected in admissions processes. What’s silly in one echelon, can be important in another. In my European country people would laugh at this idea that somehow having a simple job helps with anything.
meetingthrower 3y ago
It is interesting here: all the richest most connected people in town have their kids working jobs at the local diner. Head of bank, PE firm, and local large corp all have their sons and daughters working part time. These folks are all double ivy educated as well - so they are playing the game. (And of course they all do sports, clubs, school etc.)