6 ms·

On writing (or not)

56 points by jseliger 3y ago

nuancebydefault 3y ago
The writing style of this article makes me think about the periods when a lot of impulses are happening erratically on in my mind, and I can't seem to get the thoughts to align. My guess is that she wrote this with a similar state of mind, more so since her husband is severely ill. I wonder if other HN'ers recognize it in a similar way.
- kiawe_fire 3y ago
  I certainly did. In fact, the opening paragraphs of this piece immediately brought me back to my own state of mind when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. There was at least a year long period in which my thoughts darted and weaved wildly, with every mix of emotion, all at once. “I need to finish this bug fix. But first I should get some coffee. That coffee in the hospital was so warm and comforting, in that styrofoam cup. Just what I needed in the waiting room… which is when the doctor told me her prognosis. “Six months, he said. F*k. How can I do this? I need lots of coffee. But coffee is reminding me of bad things. How will I ever drink coffee again? Would be a shame to never drink coffee, though… it’s a big industry after all. Wonder what it looks Like to pick coffee beans? Bet it would be nice to just be picking coffee beans without any other care. But I have my own job to do… that bug fix. I’ll do that instead.” Random thoughts of work, grief, jokes, and childlike daydreaming, all running together. All day. Every day. The author of this captured this feeling insanely well, whether that was intended or not. I can also relate in the sense that, that period of my life was perhaps one of the more intense periods of self improvement and introspection I’ve had. Something about having so many thoughts, and needing to channel them to something positive to overcome the blatant and glaring negative, led to growth as a software developer, in some cruel way. That aside, the rest of the piece is timely and relevant for me now. I feel like there’s so much I can relate to regarding “resistance” and self doubt. Of casting aside bad criticisms from incapable critics as the author described from her MFA experience. My heart is with the author through all of this. I hope to follow more of her work.
  - BigHatLogan 3y ago
    Can you share how you got through this period and found alignment? I’m going through something similar to what you’ve described. Not the hospital situation—I’m sorry to hear about your mom—but more so the thoughts darting rapidly on their own. I can’t seem to get ahold of them either, and I notice it getting worse. Lots of intrusive thoughts, lots of “open cycles” that cause me mental strain, lots of down cycles too. If you could share, I’m curious how you channeled it into something positive and grew* as a result.
    - kiawe_fire 3y ago
      In my case, it was almost out of existential need. I could see myself falling apart to the point of not being functional or even doing something to myself, and I knew that my parents were depending on me. So out of existential need, I intentionally starting taking on large, creative projects at work that I knew would hold my interest and consume my thoughts. In some cases, this meant undertaking projects of my own volition and "asking for forgiveness rather than permission" at work. In part because of a couple of articles I read on the scientifically shown improvement of outcomes of cancer patients with positive attitudes, and because I knew my mom already had several negative voices around her daily, I decided my role with her would be relentlessly positive. An attitude of "we don't know the future, all things are possible, and anything can be overcome with the right set of inputs -- we just need to find what those are". I quickly adopted this attitude for myself, and it allowed me to embrace failure more - because the attitude wasn't predicated on being the best, but rather of overcoming. Granted, this was all about 6 years ago. Since then, much has changed, and I do find myself facing similar issues again. Without the presence of something "existential" pushing me, I am finding it harder to overcome this time myself. As with most things, though, feedback cycles are a thing. Negativity feeds on itself, and success begets success, so the first step is finding whatever you can to help break the feedback loop. Catch any negative thoughts as quickly as you can, and redirect them from fatalistic into something malleable. Catch any random, distracting "I need to Google this" type thoughts as they happen, and write them down on a notebook as something you should Google later, but not right now. One important thing at the start is that, you don't have to necessarily believe every positive mantra or habit you say, you just have to do it. Over time, the believability will come on its own. If you can get momentum going towards the positive instead of the negative, break the feedback loop, and get onto the "success begets success" side of it, it gets much easier. Hope that helps and makes sense. Wish I had an actual, easy answer, but a lot of it is just trying things until you see what works, and being consistent above all else. Good luck, and if you come up with any of your own tips, please let me know, because as I said - for as much as I've been through this before successfully, I can see it happening again, and I'm realizing it's time to deal with it again myself.
- BigHatLogan 3y ago
  Wow, what a perfect description—“impulses happening erratically in my mind.” I’ve been trying to…get to the root of this in my own life lately. I also find myself writing feverishly during these states. I call them “soft manic” states, soft because I know that mania is a real thing, and so I don’t want to co-opt that term completely. I had one this past weekend actually. I ended up writing about 15-20,000 words, but most of it doesn’t make any sense. I mean the sentences and paragraphs do, but there’s no coherence to any of it. “Impulses on the mind”, like you said. They’re really affecting my day to day life. I’ll have a period where I feel content and motivated—about my job, for example—and then I’ll have a sharp drop off where, sometimes for days, I’ll find myself in one of these down cycles. In fact I’m unsure if anything I’ve even said makes sense. How have you dealt with these mental impulse?
  - balb0a 3y ago
    I recently came across internal family system model. I am testing it currently and it has huge promise. Very good book on topic from inventor Richard C. Schwartz: Internal Family Systems Therapy. Also this is a nice podcast with therapy demonstration at the end: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f80xs3MN9mY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f80xs3MN9mY Hope it helps with making sense.
    - BigHatLogan 3y ago
      Cheers! Thank you for the link. I will give this a watch this evening. I’ve enjoyed a lot of Rich’s podcast guests in the past actually.
  - noman-land 3y ago
    This may sound trite but have you tried mindfulness meditation? I'm far from an expert but my understanding is that instead of fighting or avoiding all the chaos in your mind, you sit quietly still and let the thoughts wash over you and just listen to them without judgement or opinions. Just observe what is happening. If you get locked into a particular thought or topic, first notice it, then let it go. It's extremely difficult to do but over time this practice of noticing builds a mental muscle and helps you focus your thoughts towards what you want when you want.
- locuscoeruleus 3y ago
  > The writing style of this article makes me think about the periods when a lot of impulses are happening erratically on in my mind, and I can't seem to get the thoughts to align. What has characterized those periods of time? What changed? I don't think I've ever not felt like this.
  - nuancebydefault 3y ago
    I hope you are kidding, since so much chaos all the time must be exhausting.
Slava_Propanei 3y ago
[dead]
6stringmerc 3y ago
After bombing Calculus II twice I had to abandon Computer Science but found my real passion and talent in English - let’s be honest, it’s harder than any code to execute dynamically. It doesn’t borrow grammar, it throws a rave and picks up the pieces afterwards. Anyway, over to a first-class English literature and creative writing (poetry, short fiction) taught by mostly Ivy League scholars active in the field. My point? “If you practice speaking with the attention to language and punctuation you would when writing, not only will you impress people and communicate well, but when you write it will be familiar.” - paraphrased from a certain Romantic Period Poetry Professor with a Penchant for Bow Ties He had fantastic insights. Especially with respect to drama and comedy. If the voice in your head isn’t helpful, maybe train it better? Worked for me and still does in a diverse manner of endeavors.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
chinabot 3y ago
Writing is fun. Everyone has a story or two inside them and I encourage people to try it and just ignore the many people who will try to tell you how to do it. Whether you have ten thousand words or a million inside you go for it and either upload it as a free eBook if you think its good enough to one of the many sites or just leave it for your kids or grandkids to find and have something nice to pass on through history. Never start writing thinking about the money side, there are thousands of books out there which have never sold one book, you may get lucky, but without investing the same amount of time in marketing you will never get anyone to even open it, so do it but do it for fun. My first novel was fun to write, I released it on Kindle and never told anyone, for the first three months I was so happy just to see it there, just like a proper book, even though I bought the only copy. I am now half a million words into my second novel and still loving it. I may have not made a penny from sales but I have a much broader vocabulary and have saved at least two hundred dollars by not having as much time to read anymore.
- _aaed 3y ago
  You said to ignore people who will tell you how to write and then you told us how to write
  - chinabot 3y ago
    I did, ignore me :-)
  - Tao3300 3y ago
    Ok, everyone but this square.
ericls 3y ago
Writing is memory dump for me. I do it to free memory
totetsu 3y ago
I found this essay from the same blog submitted here last week, also very good, https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37422401 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37422401
flandry93 3y ago
Jake sounds like a completely loving, thoughtful, compassionate human being. It seems a bit ironic that the author spends a lot of the time lamenting her loss of his support for her creative process. Seems to me that given his (soon) impending loss of any capability to express anything at all, that the focus should be on whatever his wishes are -- whatever he wants to express or do in the short time he has left. Ie, his writing, his time, etc, and not hers. Far too often, people do actually neglect the fact of the precious and irreplaceable opportunities they have among them -- such as rare and beautiful souls such as Jake. Very easy to take for granted the gifts we are given -- the people that provide. It sounds like she did so for 15 years, and of course, now that it is nearly lost, it is easy for her, now, to notice the notice the loss, and yet still call it her loss, rather than his. How is it that even his dying, it is somehow still about her, and not about him, his wishes, creativity, wants, needs, desires, in his last days? Somehow, this is getting overlooked.
- squigz 3y ago
  That's a lot of words from someone who clearly has very little perspective on their relationship.
- coldtea 3y ago
  >How is it that even his dying, it is somehow still about her, and not about him, his wishes, creativity, wants, needs, desires, in his last days? Somehow, this is getting overlooked. I went and read the two parts and you're absolutely right. They speak of Jake as if he is an appliance, and his cancer as an incovenience to him being a personal proofchecker. Total lack of empathy. And the writing, even at a time like this in their life, is totally vacuous collection of petty concerns (technically it's also repeative and lifeless, but that's the least of its problems given the lack of any substance and emotional core for what is not a technical post). If that's representative, maybe don't write at all. If you can't be moved by a parter dying, or can't express it while still writing about it and complaining about them not being able to do their usual support role, maybe writing shouldn't be the focus, becoming a better person should be a more urgent task (and by that I mean not self-work, but focusing on the other who runs on borrowed time).
- 3y ago

56 points by jseliger 3y ago

The writing style of this article makes me think about the periods when a lot of impulses are happening erratically on in my mind, and I can't seem to get the thoughts to align. My guess is that she wrote this with a similar state of mind, more so since her husband is severely ill. I wonder if other HN'ers recognize it in a similar way.

kiawe_fire 3y ago
I certainly did. In fact, the opening paragraphs of this piece immediately brought me back to my own state of mind when my Mom was diagnosed with cancer. There was at least a year long period in which my thoughts darted and weaved wildly, with every mix of emotion, all at once. “I need to finish this bug fix. But first I should get some coffee. That coffee in the hospital was so warm and comforting, in that styrofoam cup. Just what I needed in the waiting room… which is when the doctor told me her prognosis. “Six months, he said. F*k. How can I do this? I need lots of coffee. But coffee is reminding me of bad things. How will I ever drink coffee again? Would be a shame to never drink coffee, though… it’s a big industry after all. Wonder what it looks Like to pick coffee beans? Bet it would be nice to just be picking coffee beans without any other care. But I have my own job to do… that bug fix. I’ll do that instead.” Random thoughts of work, grief, jokes, and childlike daydreaming, all running together. All day. Every day. The author of this captured this feeling insanely well, whether that was intended or not. I can also relate in the sense that, that period of my life was perhaps one of the more intense periods of self improvement and introspection I’ve had. Something about having so many thoughts, and needing to channel them to something positive to overcome the blatant and glaring negative, led to growth as a software developer, in some cruel way. That aside, the rest of the piece is timely and relevant for me now. I feel like there’s so much I can relate to regarding “resistance” and self doubt. Of casting aside bad criticisms from incapable critics as the author described from her MFA experience. My heart is with the author through all of this. I hope to follow more of her work.
- BigHatLogan 3y ago
  Can you share how you got through this period and found alignment? I’m going through something similar to what you’ve described. Not the hospital situation—I’m sorry to hear about your mom—but more so the thoughts darting rapidly on their own. I can’t seem to get ahold of them either, and I notice it getting worse. Lots of intrusive thoughts, lots of “open cycles” that cause me mental strain, lots of down cycles too. If you could share, I’m curious how you channeled it into something positive and grew* as a result.
  - kiawe_fire 3y ago
    In my case, it was almost out of existential need. I could see myself falling apart to the point of not being functional or even doing something to myself, and I knew that my parents were depending on me. So out of existential need, I intentionally starting taking on large, creative projects at work that I knew would hold my interest and consume my thoughts. In some cases, this meant undertaking projects of my own volition and "asking for forgiveness rather than permission" at work. In part because of a couple of articles I read on the scientifically shown improvement of outcomes of cancer patients with positive attitudes, and because I knew my mom already had several negative voices around her daily, I decided my role with her would be relentlessly positive. An attitude of "we don't know the future, all things are possible, and anything can be overcome with the right set of inputs -- we just need to find what those are". I quickly adopted this attitude for myself, and it allowed me to embrace failure more - because the attitude wasn't predicated on being the best, but rather of overcoming. Granted, this was all about 6 years ago. Since then, much has changed, and I do find myself facing similar issues again. Without the presence of something "existential" pushing me, I am finding it harder to overcome this time myself. As with most things, though, feedback cycles are a thing. Negativity feeds on itself, and success begets success, so the first step is finding whatever you can to help break the feedback loop. Catch any negative thoughts as quickly as you can, and redirect them from fatalistic into something malleable. Catch any random, distracting "I need to Google this" type thoughts as they happen, and write them down on a notebook as something you should Google later, but not right now. One important thing at the start is that, you don't have to necessarily believe every positive mantra or habit you say, you just have to do it. Over time, the believability will come on its own. If you can get momentum going towards the positive instead of the negative, break the feedback loop, and get onto the "success begets success" side of it, it gets much easier. Hope that helps and makes sense. Wish I had an actual, easy answer, but a lot of it is just trying things until you see what works, and being consistent above all else. Good luck, and if you come up with any of your own tips, please let me know, because as I said - for as much as I've been through this before successfully, I can see it happening again, and I'm realizing it's time to deal with it again myself.
BigHatLogan 3y ago
Wow, what a perfect description—“impulses happening erratically in my mind.” I’ve been trying to…get to the root of this in my own life lately. I also find myself writing feverishly during these states. I call them “soft manic” states, soft because I know that mania is a real thing, and so I don’t want to co-opt that term completely. I had one this past weekend actually. I ended up writing about 15-20,000 words, but most of it doesn’t make any sense. I mean the sentences and paragraphs do, but there’s no coherence to any of it. “Impulses on the mind”, like you said. They’re really affecting my day to day life. I’ll have a period where I feel content and motivated—about my job, for example—and then I’ll have a sharp drop off where, sometimes for days, I’ll find myself in one of these down cycles. In fact I’m unsure if anything I’ve even said makes sense. How have you dealt with these mental impulse?
- balb0a 3y ago
  I recently came across internal family system model. I am testing it currently and it has huge promise. Very good book on topic from inventor Richard C. Schwartz: Internal Family Systems Therapy. Also this is a nice podcast with therapy demonstration at the end: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f80xs3MN9mY https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=f80xs3MN9mY Hope it helps with making sense.
  - BigHatLogan 3y ago
    Cheers! Thank you for the link. I will give this a watch this evening. I’ve enjoyed a lot of Rich’s podcast guests in the past actually.
- noman-land 3y ago
  This may sound trite but have you tried mindfulness meditation? I'm far from an expert but my understanding is that instead of fighting or avoiding all the chaos in your mind, you sit quietly still and let the thoughts wash over you and just listen to them without judgement or opinions. Just observe what is happening. If you get locked into a particular thought or topic, first notice it, then let it go. It's extremely difficult to do but over time this practice of noticing builds a mental muscle and helps you focus your thoughts towards what you want when you want.
locuscoeruleus 3y ago
> The writing style of this article makes me think about the periods when a lot of impulses are happening erratically on in my mind, and I can't seem to get the thoughts to align. What has characterized those periods of time? What changed? I don't think I've ever not felt like this.
- nuancebydefault 3y ago
  I hope you are kidding, since so much chaos all the time must be exhausting.

Slava_Propanei 3y ago

[dead]

6stringmerc 3y ago

After bombing Calculus II twice I had to abandon Computer Science but found my real passion and talent in English - let’s be honest, it’s harder than any code to execute dynamically. It doesn’t borrow grammar, it throws a rave and picks up the pieces afterwards. Anyway, over to a first-class English literature and creative writing (poetry, short fiction) taught by mostly Ivy League scholars active in the field. My point? “If you practice speaking with the attention to language and punctuation you would when writing, not only will you impress people and communicate well, but when you write it will be familiar.” - paraphrased from a certain Romantic Period Poetry Professor with a Penchant for Bow Ties He had fantastic insights. Especially with respect to drama and comedy. If the voice in your head isn’t helpful, maybe train it better? Worked for me and still does in a diverse manner of endeavors.

deleted 3y ago
[deleted]

chinabot 3y ago

Writing is fun. Everyone has a story or two inside them and I encourage people to try it and just ignore the many people who will try to tell you how to do it. Whether you have ten thousand words or a million inside you go for it and either upload it as a free eBook if you think its good enough to one of the many sites or just leave it for your kids or grandkids to find and have something nice to pass on through history. Never start writing thinking about the money side, there are thousands of books out there which have never sold one book, you may get lucky, but without investing the same amount of time in marketing you will never get anyone to even open it, so do it but do it for fun. My first novel was fun to write, I released it on Kindle and never told anyone, for the first three months I was so happy just to see it there, just like a proper book, even though I bought the only copy. I am now half a million words into my second novel and still loving it. I may have not made a penny from sales but I have a much broader vocabulary and have saved at least two hundred dollars by not having as much time to read anymore.

_aaed 3y ago
You said to ignore people who will tell you how to write and then you told us how to write
- chinabot 3y ago
  I did, ignore me :-)
- Tao3300 3y ago
  Ok, everyone but this square.

ericls 3y ago

Writing is memory dump for me. I do it to free memory

totetsu 3y ago

I found this essay from the same blog submitted here last week, also very good, https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37422401 https://news.ycombinator.com/item?id=37422401

flandry93 3y ago

Jake sounds like a completely loving, thoughtful, compassionate human being. It seems a bit ironic that the author spends a lot of the time lamenting her loss of his support for her creative process. Seems to me that given his (soon) impending loss of any capability to express anything at all, that the focus should be on whatever his wishes are -- whatever he wants to express or do in the short time he has left. Ie, his writing, his time, etc, and not hers. Far too often, people do actually neglect the fact of the precious and irreplaceable opportunities they have among them -- such as rare and beautiful souls such as Jake. Very easy to take for granted the gifts we are given -- the people that provide. It sounds like she did so for 15 years, and of course, now that it is nearly lost, it is easy for her, now, to notice the notice the loss, and yet still call it her loss, rather than his. How is it that even his dying, it is somehow still about her, and not about him, his wishes, creativity, wants, needs, desires, in his last days? Somehow, this is getting overlooked.

squigz 3y ago
That's a lot of words from someone who clearly has very little perspective on their relationship.
coldtea 3y ago
>How is it that even his dying, it is somehow still about her, and not about him, his wishes, creativity, wants, needs, desires, in his last days? Somehow, this is getting overlooked. I went and read the two parts and you're absolutely right. They speak of Jake as if he is an appliance, and his cancer as an incovenience to him being a personal proofchecker. Total lack of empathy. And the writing, even at a time like this in their life, is totally vacuous collection of petty concerns (technically it's also repeative and lifeless, but that's the least of its problems given the lack of any substance and emotional core for what is not a technical post). If that's representative, maybe don't write at all. If you can't be moved by a parter dying, or can't express it while still writing about it and complaining about them not being able to do their usual support role, maybe writing shouldn't be the focus, becoming a better person should be a more urgent task (and by that I mean not self-work, but focusing on the other who runs on borrowed time).
3y ago