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Ask HN: How to stop chasing difficult goals?

Throughout my life of 40+ years I have been chasing difficult goals, some are technical (like reading and implementing a PoC|GTFC paper), some are not (literally stuck to a sales person position for 3 years, thinking that I could get better at soft skills when throwing myself into a corner I hated, which of course made me hate people more). None of them works. I dropped most of them. I don't really have the characteristics to grit through the difficulties. Even for the few that I achieved I didn't bother to continue so everything was lost. Well maybe not everything, because every time I failed, the frustration added up and stayed. How can I be content that I am an average person, or worse than one? How can I be a sofa potato and be content with tittytainment after work and do nothing to improve myself? Every time I tried I got bored in under 7 days and started to snoop around again.

qntty 3y ago
Why do you assume your only options are pursing goals that burn you out or doing nothing? It sounds like you need better goals but more importantly you need to get better as giving up on goals that aren’t worthwhile.
- hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
  I actually want to know that too...maybe I'm sick?
paulcole 3y ago
You’re pretty derisive about the idea of watching TV or settling for not doing hard things and sound like you’re fishing for compliments like, “Oh you must be better/smarter/whatever than an average person.” I’m reminded of The Breakfast Club line, “So you’re a genius because you can’t make a lamp?” So, what would actually make you happy and satisfied?
- hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
  I was about to answer "not really" to your first question but then I'm not so sure now. But definitely not fishing for compliments for this post. > what would actually make you happy and satisfied Figuring out(or not) difficult questions does make me happy I think. Or let's say I enjoy the focus but hate the eventual frustration.
- hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
  Thought about the second question a bit more and list the stuffs that geniuely made me happy recently: Reading the book "The Soul of New Machine", led me to complete all labs of hardware part of nand2tetris except the final one (yeah the most important one). Watching the youtube channel "outdoor boys" makes me really happy and I went back to it from time to time.
  - PaulHoule 3y ago
    "Soul of a New Machine" is such a funny book looking back because people were really impressed with it at the time, and it's a good book, but the "New Machine" that it was about went nowhere at all in the marketplace. In fact, that whole style of minicomputer development went extinct in the next few years. (I remember people being so excited about the Digital VAX, my high school got one to replace our awful PDP-8, pretty soon though people were boasting that their 386 machine was x faster than a VAX 11/780, and that was the last you heard of the VAX)
PaulHoule 3y ago
Try playing Disgaea, you can grind on that forever and not hurt yourself.
- hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
  Thanks, what I know is that I'll get bored in a few days as my mind would yearn for creating something or understanding something. Then the circle comes again and again.
  - PaulHoule 3y ago
    Get a PhD then. Getting a PhD is all about learning how to do something nobody has ever done before which in turn is about choosing a problem which is difficult but possible and cutting it up into bits and getting it done. I got a PhD long ago and it has influenced how I go about my side projects, that is, I am pretty good at picking and solving problems that I can really get done but result in a demo that leave people thinking "I've never seen anything like that before." That, plus my heuristic of usually having three side projects going on at any time and making real progress on two of them.
blueridge 3y ago
This short post has always resonated with me: https://medium.com/signal-v-noise/ive-never-had-a-goal-c89219aedddf https://medium.com/signal-v-noise/ive-never-had-a-goal-c8921...
- hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
  Thanks for sharing. I think it's a pretty good one although I can not align on his ideas. btw what do you think about the quoted paragraph? I didn't catch the meaning of it: > The reason that most of us are unhappy most of the time is that we set our goals not for the person we’re going to be when we reach them, but we set our goals for the person we are when we set them.
strikelaserclaw 3y ago
Ask yourself why you chase difficult goals, since you are asking this question i'm going to assume you chase difficult goals for some external achievement, the hard facts about external achievement is that not many people have the talent, grit and luck to achieve them, even those we think as superstars have a great deal of luck to be born at a time where their unique blend of personality, talent and skill make them succesful. Image if Newton was born during the warring states period of chinese history, he probably would have been unheard of. All this is to say, do things in your life because you want to, success and reward are just bonuses to being able to live according to how you want to.
- hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
  Thanks. It could be, but I'm certain when I chase them I don't chase money or privilege. I don't care about $$ if it's interesting. Maybe I chase them for proving I'm smart as the other commentor said? But I don't really believe I'm a smart guy. But I agree with what you said. I'm probably a guy who doesn't really know what I want to. (unless I want to frustrate myself)
turtleyacht 3y ago
Whatever you get frustrated with, write, record, or otherwise set down why. Maybe you'll pick it back up again. What message will you leave to yourself in the next decade? https://youtube.com/watch?v=xPfAF-VTI0w https://youtube.com/watch?v=xPfAF-VTI0w

qntty 3y ago

Why do you assume your only options are pursing goals that burn you out or doing nothing? It sounds like you need better goals but more importantly you need to get better as giving up on goals that aren’t worthwhile.

hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
I actually want to know that too...maybe I'm sick?

paulcole 3y ago

You’re pretty derisive about the idea of watching TV or settling for not doing hard things and sound like you’re fishing for compliments like, “Oh you must be better/smarter/whatever than an average person.” I’m reminded of The Breakfast Club line, “So you’re a genius because you can’t make a lamp?” So, what would actually make you happy and satisfied?

hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
I was about to answer "not really" to your first question but then I'm not so sure now. But definitely not fishing for compliments for this post. > what would actually make you happy and satisfied Figuring out(or not) difficult questions does make me happy I think. Or let's say I enjoy the focus but hate the eventual frustration.
hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
Thought about the second question a bit more and list the stuffs that geniuely made me happy recently: Reading the book "The Soul of New Machine", led me to complete all labs of hardware part of nand2tetris except the final one (yeah the most important one). Watching the youtube channel "outdoor boys" makes me really happy and I went back to it from time to time.
- PaulHoule 3y ago
  "Soul of a New Machine" is such a funny book looking back because people were really impressed with it at the time, and it's a good book, but the "New Machine" that it was about went nowhere at all in the marketplace. In fact, that whole style of minicomputer development went extinct in the next few years. (I remember people being so excited about the Digital VAX, my high school got one to replace our awful PDP-8, pretty soon though people were boasting that their 386 machine was x faster than a VAX 11/780, and that was the last you heard of the VAX)

PaulHoule 3y ago

Try playing Disgaea, you can grind on that forever and not hurt yourself.

hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
Thanks, what I know is that I'll get bored in a few days as my mind would yearn for creating something or understanding something. Then the circle comes again and again.
- PaulHoule 3y ago
  Get a PhD then. Getting a PhD is all about learning how to do something nobody has ever done before which in turn is about choosing a problem which is difficult but possible and cutting it up into bits and getting it done. I got a PhD long ago and it has influenced how I go about my side projects, that is, I am pretty good at picking and solving problems that I can really get done but result in a demo that leave people thinking "I've never seen anything like that before." That, plus my heuristic of usually having three side projects going on at any time and making real progress on two of them.

blueridge 3y ago

This short post has always resonated with me: https://medium.com/signal-v-noise/ive-never-had-a-goal-c89219aedddf https://medium.com/signal-v-noise/ive-never-had-a-goal-c8921...

hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
Thanks for sharing. I think it's a pretty good one although I can not align on his ideas. btw what do you think about the quoted paragraph? I didn't catch the meaning of it: > The reason that most of us are unhappy most of the time is that we set our goals not for the person we’re going to be when we reach them, but we set our goals for the person we are when we set them.

strikelaserclaw 3y ago

Ask yourself why you chase difficult goals, since you are asking this question i'm going to assume you chase difficult goals for some external achievement, the hard facts about external achievement is that not many people have the talent, grit and luck to achieve them, even those we think as superstars have a great deal of luck to be born at a time where their unique blend of personality, talent and skill make them succesful. Image if Newton was born during the warring states period of chinese history, he probably would have been unheard of. All this is to say, do things in your life because you want to, success and reward are just bonuses to being able to live according to how you want to.

hnthrowaway0315 3y ago
Thanks. It could be, but I'm certain when I chase them I don't chase money or privilege. I don't care about $$ if it's interesting. Maybe I chase them for proving I'm smart as the other commentor said? But I don't really believe I'm a smart guy. But I agree with what you said. I'm probably a guy who doesn't really know what I want to. (unless I want to frustrate myself)

turtleyacht 3y ago

Whatever you get frustrated with, write, record, or otherwise set down why. Maybe you'll pick it back up again. What message will you leave to yourself in the next decade? https://youtube.com/watch?v=xPfAF-VTI0w https://youtube.com/watch?v=xPfAF-VTI0w