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We like to tell ourselves intelligence is a factor. But really male attraction preferences are based on physical looks. Personality is a close second but males

We like to tell ourselves intelligence is a factor. But really male attraction preferences are based on physical looks. Personality is a close second but males are very simple in this department too. Men just want someone chill and nice and not crazy. Intelligence and career come in next as mostly not considered at all. The young hot girl working at Starbucks does better than a older jaded PhD girl. Especially if that PhD girl is superficially fat. Good conversation isn't a factor here. This is how most men operate. There are clearly exceptions. But more than exceptions there are men who lie to themselves and claim their base nature is above that. Additionally I will say that intelligence doesn't wipe away a womens instinct. They still covet some sort of tribute from a romantic standpoint. Women can have high intelligence and still desire a ring. They can suppress this desire but this suppression isn't related to intelligence. Think about it, it doesn't take high IQ to understand what a blood diamond is. Anyway sometimes in rare cases a man is highly desirable and extremely high value. If a man has a bunch of options among hot young women to choose from that is the only situation where intelligence plays a big role. Why not? Every woman is hot and nice and the only differentiator is intelligence. Go for it. That's probably your case. I imagine you have a bunch of hot super model esque girls pining for you and you picked the one who didn't want a ring and had a PhD. Good for you! Seriously. But note you are the exception not the rule.

nwellinghoff 3y ago
I don’t think this is the case for most men I know. If you are just looking for “hot” you can date almost indefinitely these days. Marriage is a partnership and with the cost of living these days it might not be wise to choose “hot works at starbucks” over “smart and can contribute to the family”
- corethree 3y ago
  The majority of men place looks as the primary factor. Even for marriage. For millions of years women have contributed only child care and house work to the family unit. For millions of years it is only men and the capability to hunt, strategize, use their strength to build shelter and farm that was critical to the survival of the family unit. Feminism and equal occupations is only a very recent phenomenon. Therefore when it comes to marriage men are biologically inclined to not look at "capability" or intelligence as a big factor. Evolutionarily speaking men are driven primarily by the fertility of the woman and personality as a second factor. Make no mistake, It is fair and just to give women equal rights but our biology is not equipped to fully account for this new reality. This female dating match maker with years of experience illustrates the preferences for both men utterly clearly: https://youtu.be/pAF0Ebg48A0?si=SmECgNA0Tsv2Cu0c https://youtu.be/pAF0Ebg48A0?si=SmECgNA0Tsv2Cu0c Additionally most men cannot date "indefinitely". Statistics show among dating apps women are exclusively dating a small pool of high value men. The majority of men do not get very many matches. Most of this is evident to most men. There are a few cases where this isn't evident: 1. You are a woman. Women tend not to be aware. This is the most likely scenario. 2. You are a high value man. Therefore you have an abundance of choices. Your reality is therefore different from most men. 3. You are a man and an exception to the rule. You are low value but you still value intelligence over looks. This is the least likely scenario.
  - hfuyf65 3y ago
    << Additionally most men cannot date "indefinitely". I followed the argument and was on the fence for most of it, but here I clearly disagree. This is one advantage for a male in a dating pool. He can absolutely date ( and sire children ) longer than women. I have an anecdote about it, but it is just that. Now... women have a lot less time to find a suitable mate. Men can wait.. if they choose to do so.
    - corethree 3y ago
      Right but even in man's prime he has very few dating choices compared to much older women. An average man in his prime on a dating app gets 20 matches for every 100 swipes. A woman, even a below average woman can get 80 out of 100. There is data on this: watch just the beginning of this video for a easy to digest summary: https://youtu.be/XZbApDoe45E?si=ze0X3Np3wMUVKP6Y https://youtu.be/XZbApDoe45E?si=ze0X3Np3wMUVKP6Y Additionally, nowadays you will find on dating apps even women past 40 still have abundant matches. This is a modern phenomenon though. In the past what you said is largely true but with dating apps the game has leaned heavily in favor of women on all fronts. What's happening is the age group is just shifting. If the woman is in her 20s her age group is 20 to 30, if she's in her 40s it shifts to 40 to 60. As the pool for younger men closes an older pool opens up. Dating apps is what enables this as women can now find matches outside of local networks. Actual fertility is a different story though.
kikokikokiko 3y ago
I am aware that I have some attributes that made me very efective in the dating pool. I became single again in my early 30s, when the dating app boom was starting, circa 2014. I have always been in shape throughout my life, I am a house owner, and know how to write well and mantain a healthy conversation (I do not live in an english speaking country and it's not my native tongue). Basically, the dating market available through dating apps is an infinite holodeck of available women, for men that have a reasonable enough sense of humor and specially, ARE NOT CREEPY AND NEVER, EVER, SEND A DICK PICK TO A WOMAN. Really, it's that simple. Even when, eventually, a girl asks a guy for a "nude", NEVER, EVER, send one. There's only two possibilities: it's either a real woman, and sending it or not will NOT make any difference in terms of the date going through or not, or the most probable possibility, it's a man on the other side of the conversation. No heterosexual man got extra points for sending nudes to a woman, ever. After 2 and a half years of LITERALLY having dates every weekend, the revolving door of Starbucks 20 somethings becomes very boring. A non creepy man with middle class finances in his 30s can date anywhere from 18 to 40 year olds easily, and over time you start to realise that you prefer the company of the 35yo girls, but the looks of the 21s. So I made a conscious decision to stop the machine at a certain point and settle down for a 26 year old girl 2 years away from defending her thesis. Now we're 6 years into a relationship and finally thinking about kids. A man's instinct is to keep dating indefinitely for as long as he can, but believe me, EVERYTHING gets boring given enough time. I have no religion or any ideia about why we are on this world after all, but I believe that happiness is basically following our nature and doing what most fulfills our life from an experiences point of view. I believe that a young man NEEDS to experience this phase of over polygamy, as well as I believe that having kids and passing your knowledge on to a new generation is an essential part of what being a human being is. In the end, yes I was probably one of the few "high value men" that those apps tend to be so good at elevating. But once again I can tell you guys: I was never a great ladies man when it came to the traditional dating scene in the 90s and early 2000s. In person dating, on parties and the like, I was really average. On a dating app, it was really easy. Just don't be creepy. And do not waste your early 30s guys. It's the most amazing time for a man to be on the dating scene, believe me. It's probably the closest a man can feel of what it's like to be a woman at the top of her powers, 18 to 25.
- 3y ago

nwellinghoff 3y ago

I don’t think this is the case for most men I know. If you are just looking for “hot” you can date almost indefinitely these days. Marriage is a partnership and with the cost of living these days it might not be wise to choose “hot works at starbucks” over “smart and can contribute to the family”

corethree 3y ago
The majority of men place looks as the primary factor. Even for marriage. For millions of years women have contributed only child care and house work to the family unit. For millions of years it is only men and the capability to hunt, strategize, use their strength to build shelter and farm that was critical to the survival of the family unit. Feminism and equal occupations is only a very recent phenomenon. Therefore when it comes to marriage men are biologically inclined to not look at "capability" or intelligence as a big factor. Evolutionarily speaking men are driven primarily by the fertility of the woman and personality as a second factor. Make no mistake, It is fair and just to give women equal rights but our biology is not equipped to fully account for this new reality. This female dating match maker with years of experience illustrates the preferences for both men utterly clearly: https://youtu.be/pAF0Ebg48A0?si=SmECgNA0Tsv2Cu0c https://youtu.be/pAF0Ebg48A0?si=SmECgNA0Tsv2Cu0c Additionally most men cannot date "indefinitely". Statistics show among dating apps women are exclusively dating a small pool of high value men. The majority of men do not get very many matches. Most of this is evident to most men. There are a few cases where this isn't evident: 1. You are a woman. Women tend not to be aware. This is the most likely scenario. 2. You are a high value man. Therefore you have an abundance of choices. Your reality is therefore different from most men. 3. You are a man and an exception to the rule. You are low value but you still value intelligence over looks. This is the least likely scenario.
- hfuyf65 3y ago
  << Additionally most men cannot date "indefinitely". I followed the argument and was on the fence for most of it, but here I clearly disagree. This is one advantage for a male in a dating pool. He can absolutely date ( and sire children ) longer than women. I have an anecdote about it, but it is just that. Now... women have a lot less time to find a suitable mate. Men can wait.. if they choose to do so.
  - corethree 3y ago
    Right but even in man's prime he has very few dating choices compared to much older women. An average man in his prime on a dating app gets 20 matches for every 100 swipes. A woman, even a below average woman can get 80 out of 100. There is data on this: watch just the beginning of this video for a easy to digest summary: https://youtu.be/XZbApDoe45E?si=ze0X3Np3wMUVKP6Y https://youtu.be/XZbApDoe45E?si=ze0X3Np3wMUVKP6Y Additionally, nowadays you will find on dating apps even women past 40 still have abundant matches. This is a modern phenomenon though. In the past what you said is largely true but with dating apps the game has leaned heavily in favor of women on all fronts. What's happening is the age group is just shifting. If the woman is in her 20s her age group is 20 to 30, if she's in her 40s it shifts to 40 to 60. As the pool for younger men closes an older pool opens up. Dating apps is what enables this as women can now find matches outside of local networks. Actual fertility is a different story though.

kikokikokiko 3y ago

I am aware that I have some attributes that made me very efective in the dating pool. I became single again in my early 30s, when the dating app boom was starting, circa 2014. I have always been in shape throughout my life, I am a house owner, and know how to write well and mantain a healthy conversation (I do not live in an english speaking country and it's not my native tongue). Basically, the dating market available through dating apps is an infinite holodeck of available women, for men that have a reasonable enough sense of humor and specially, ARE NOT CREEPY AND NEVER, EVER, SEND A DICK PICK TO A WOMAN. Really, it's that simple. Even when, eventually, a girl asks a guy for a "nude", NEVER, EVER, send one. There's only two possibilities: it's either a real woman, and sending it or not will NOT make any difference in terms of the date going through or not, or the most probable possibility, it's a man on the other side of the conversation. No heterosexual man got extra points for sending nudes to a woman, ever. After 2 and a half years of LITERALLY having dates every weekend, the revolving door of Starbucks 20 somethings becomes very boring. A non creepy man with middle class finances in his 30s can date anywhere from 18 to 40 year olds easily, and over time you start to realise that you prefer the company of the 35yo girls, but the looks of the 21s. So I made a conscious decision to stop the machine at a certain point and settle down for a 26 year old girl 2 years away from defending her thesis. Now we're 6 years into a relationship and finally thinking about kids. A man's instinct is to keep dating indefinitely for as long as he can, but believe me, EVERYTHING gets boring given enough time. I have no religion or any ideia about why we are on this world after all, but I believe that happiness is basically following our nature and doing what most fulfills our life from an experiences point of view. I believe that a young man NEEDS to experience this phase of over polygamy, as well as I believe that having kids and passing your knowledge on to a new generation is an essential part of what being a human being is. In the end, yes I was probably one of the few "high value men" that those apps tend to be so good at elevating. But once again I can tell you guys: I was never a great ladies man when it came to the traditional dating scene in the 90s and early 2000s. In person dating, on parties and the like, I was really average. On a dating app, it was really easy. Just don't be creepy. And do not waste your early 30s guys. It's the most amazing time for a man to be on the dating scene, believe me. It's probably the closest a man can feel of what it's like to be a woman at the top of her powers, 18 to 25.

3y ago