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Yes, it's perfectly expected for females (on average) to give a lot of value to "useless" demonstrations of fitness when selecting a mate. The peacock exists.
by kikokikokiko 3y ago
Yes, it's perfectly expected for females (on average) to give a lot of value to "useless" demonstrations of fitness when selecting a mate. The peacock exists.
But it's also perfectly expected for a male, if he's aware of these innate traits, when selecting a female partner, if he's looking for more important things other than looks and physical attractiveness, to give more "points" to different traits. In my case, intelligence was factor number 1. If she reaaally needs that stupid ring, she's out. In the end I got myself a PhD girlfriend, that is way smarter than me, and with whom I can have conversations way into my 80s. Mission accomplished. Thank you DeBeers for creating a standardized test to put potential wives through.
- matisseverduyn 3y ago> But it's also perfectly expected for a male, if he's aware ... looking for more important things ... I wonder if any Bowerbirds have shared your revelation.
- hfuyf65 3y agoThis a fascinating wiki entry. Thank you for making HN a more interesting place for all. On a separate note, it seems the ornate courtship is offset with regular polygamy. I might be reading too much into it and try to extrapolate to human behavior, which is way more messy.
- matisseverduyn 3y agoThanks! I thought those who hadn't heard about Bowerbirds yet might find their habits interesting :) There are a few good documentaries as well.
- corethree 3y agoWe like to tell ourselves intelligence is a factor. But really male attraction preferences are based on physical looks. Personality is a close second but males are very simple in this department too. Men just want someone chill and nice and not crazy. Intelligence and career come in next as mostly not considered at all. The young hot girl working at Starbucks does better than a older jaded PhD girl. Especially if that PhD girl is superficially fat. Good conversation isn't a factor here. This is how most men operate. There are clearly exceptions. But more than exceptions there are men who lie to themselves and claim their base nature is above that. Additionally I will say that intelligence doesn't wipe away a womens instinct. They still covet some sort of tribute from a romantic standpoint. Women can have high intelligence and still desire a ring. They can suppress this desire but this suppression isn't related to intelligence. Think about it, it doesn't take high IQ to understand what a blood diamond is. Anyway sometimes in rare cases a man is highly desirable and extremely high value. If a man has a bunch of options among hot young women to choose from that is the only situation where intelligence plays a big role. Why not? Every woman is hot and nice and the only differentiator is intelligence. Go for it. That's probably your case. I imagine you have a bunch of hot super model esque girls pining for you and you picked the one who didn't want a ring and had a PhD. Good for you! Seriously. But note you are the exception not the rule.
- nwellinghoff 3y agoI don’t think this is the case for most men I know. If you are just looking for “hot” you can date almost indefinitely these days. Marriage is a partnership and with the cost of living these days it might not be wise to choose “hot works at starbucks” over “smart and can contribute to the family”
- corethree 3y agoThe majority of men place looks as the primary factor. Even for marriage. For millions of years women have contributed only child care and house work to the family unit. For millions of years it is only men and the capability to hunt, strategize, use their strength to build shelter and farm that was critical to the survival of the family unit. Feminism and equal occupations is only a very recent phenomenon. Therefore when it comes to marriage men are biologically inclined to not look at "capability" or intelligence as a big factor. Evolutionarily speaking men are driven primarily by the fertility of the woman and personality as a second factor. Make no mistake, It is fair and just to give women equal rights but our biology is not equipped to fully account for this new reality. This female dating match maker with years of experience illustrates the preferences for both men utterly clearly: https://youtu.be/pAF0Ebg48A0?si=SmECgNA0Tsv2Cu0c https://youtu.be/pAF0Ebg48A0?si=SmECgNA0Tsv2Cu0c Additionally most men cannot date "indefinitely". Statistics show among dating apps women are exclusively dating a small pool of high value men. The majority of men do not get very many matches. Most of this is evident to most men. There are a few cases where this isn't evident: 1. You are a woman. Women tend not to be aware. This is the most likely scenario. 2. You are a high value man. Therefore you have an abundance of choices. Your reality is therefore different from most men. 3. You are a man and an exception to the rule. You are low value but you still value intelligence over looks. This is the least likely scenario.
- hfuyf65 3y ago<< Additionally most men cannot date "indefinitely". I followed the argument and was on the fence for most of it, but here I clearly disagree. This is one advantage for a male in a dating pool. He can absolutely date ( and sire children ) longer than women. I have an anecdote about it, but it is just that. Now... women have a lot less time to find a suitable mate. Men can wait.. if they choose to do so.
- rad_gruchalski 3y ago> In the end I got myself a PhD girlfriend Did you have them lined up and you picked one?
- kikokikokiko 3y agoPretty much. That's what dating apps are for.