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As someone from a guesser culture, being nice is refreshing. I enjoy giving surprises and not expecting something in return. It's different when you're at a din
by bibanez 3y ago
As someone from a guesser culture, being nice is refreshing. I enjoy giving surprises and not expecting something in return. It's different when you're at a dinner party and someone doesn't collaborate or collaborates very little, because we expect everyone to know about the shared burdens. The thing with this system is that it allows for more flexibility when everyone is on the same page! We're not narcicisstic, I swear!
- pdonis 3y ago> it allows for more flexibility when everyone is on the same page Yes, but that qualifier is crucial, as the Metafilter post referenced upthread points out: "Guess behaviors only work among a subset of other Guess people -- ones who share a fairly specific set of expectations and signalling techniques. The farther you get from your own family and friends and subculture, the more you'll have to embrace Ask behavior." In fact, as the scenario described in the Metafilter thread shows, even sharing considerable background doesn't always make Guess work. The wife and the friend in the scenario were from the same home town and knew each other's families, but the wife's attempts to hint, in Guess fashion, that the friend wasn't a welcome visitor didn't take, and now the wife and husband are struggling with the (necessary in this case) switch to Ask behavior (or more precisely the correct Ask response, which is to Just Say No instead of hinting).