6 ms·

> have kids, develop increasingly esoteric personal hobbies, get into fitness/longevity This is the route I've taken and my mental health is much better for it

by bojo 3y ago

> have kids, develop increasingly esoteric personal hobbies, get into fitness/longevity This is the route I've taken and my mental health is much better for it. I still wonder what I'm missing out on had I stayed on the treadmill, even now, but I keep telling myself the life balance far outweighs the work balance.

coffeebeqn 3y ago
Nothing worthwhile. I just turned down a L+1 jump to management because I certainly don’t want to stress/deal with any of that business BS when I could do my fairly easy IC job and take the kids to the park or go to the gym at lunch since my calendar is mostly empty
- idontwantthis 3y ago
  I’d probably make the same choice, but I haven’t had the offer yet. I’m curious what do you expect to happen to your salary over the years if you stay at the same level? Or are you able to be promoted and remain an IC?
  - piva00 3y ago
    Over time I got more relaxed about promotion and compensation. As software engineers our salaries are already in the top 5-10% of most countries, of course as humans we are always unsatisfied and wanting more but... Is it worth it? To keep on the treadmill, battling out in the ever-increasing political games one needs to play when growing inside a big org career to achieve another 10% increase in salary? I'm also privileged to live in a society where even with half of my salary it'd be entirely possible to live a comfortable and fulfilling life, where my kids won't need my money to be secure in their education and healthcare. The career game was more interesting when I was in my 20s, now it's just a bunch of bullshit that I can choose to care about or not, and not caring about it is absurdly liberating. To each their own, of course, personally I came to realise that I don't value the career stuff so much, I'm already pretty comfortable (and many times more than any of my ancestors or close family were). There's so much more to life than playing corporate-bullshit, stressing over how to please a business to etch another salary bump. Corporations that deep down don't care about individuals, values, etc., it's just about shareholder value, I prefer to focus my attention on individuals and things that bring joy, love, and interesting experiences in life.
    - hejalajsbsb 3y ago
      Is it that you relaxed over time or you just made enough money in your 20s? Accounting for the global economy and the implied age it would be surprising if you were not—relative to a mid-20s now—so far ahead that compensation should not matter.
- abwizz 3y ago
  a good paying non-management job with a overseeable workload is what i'm look for as well. kinda hard to find as most hr ppl seem to be looking for either rock stars or code monkeys, any tipps?
  - 93po 3y ago
    Find a midsize company that isn’t a tech company and needs help maintaining a very old but critical system. There’s very little accountability since management doesn’t understand software and it pays well because it’s boring as shit and no one wants to do it
fhd2 3y ago
From what I've seen, amassing riches is either a weird game to people, the means to a lifestyle they truly crave (status, luxury, ...), or an unhealthy obsession with security (both for themselves and their offspring). I was, maybe still am, in the last bucket. But I'm starting to realise that security is a quite mythical thing - you can always think of more risks and counter measures, at least at the point I got to. Now I'm thinking the thing I truly need, and want to pass on to my children, is the ability to adapt to changing circumstances and stay resilient.
- InCacheOnly 3y ago
  I've had a very similar realisation recently. A lot of what I spent the last 5 years doing has largely been to reach a state of security where I feel I 'no longer need to worry'. Due to a death in the family, an unfounded health scare and a rather paranoid money scare it's been made quite clear that this utopia of 'secure' does not exist no matter what I do. It has lead to a reduction in stress in some ways since the pressure to maintain everything and keep it safe is less if 100% confidence can never be reached so chasing it is pointless. I don't know if you've had a similar experience but I'm currently at the stage of re-evaluating what I value since if some things (like wealth and health) are unavoidably temporary then the sacrifices I'm willing to make to maintain them are less than if they were assured or permanant. I'd be curious to know how this has effected your outlook on life as I'm just starting with this now and it has certainly left me a bit lost. Although I don't think that's a bad thing. Sorry for the slight ramble, just been very much on my mind at them moment.
  - fhd2 3y ago
    Sorry to hear that! I have a positive outlook. I deal with the problems I encounter and enjoy the little things. This year was pretty good, I pulled off some stuff I didn't know I could do. Now I feel more confident that I can deal with lots of things life'll throw at me (not everything of course). Happy to chat some more outside a public comment thread :D There's an email address in my profile.
- lotsofpulp 3y ago
  Security is not mythical, at least in the near to short term, enough time for your kids to grow up. Passive income from $10M would secure access for 99% of food, water, heat, shelter, education, transportation, healthcare, retirement, and legal costs. $5M will get you most of the way there too.

by bojo 3y ago

coffeebeqn 3y ago

Nothing worthwhile. I just turned down a L+1 jump to management because I certainly don’t want to stress/deal with any of that business BS when I could do my fairly easy IC job and take the kids to the park or go to the gym at lunch since my calendar is mostly empty

idontwantthis 3y ago
I’d probably make the same choice, but I haven’t had the offer yet. I’m curious what do you expect to happen to your salary over the years if you stay at the same level? Or are you able to be promoted and remain an IC?
- piva00 3y ago
  Over time I got more relaxed about promotion and compensation. As software engineers our salaries are already in the top 5-10% of most countries, of course as humans we are always unsatisfied and wanting more but... Is it worth it? To keep on the treadmill, battling out in the ever-increasing political games one needs to play when growing inside a big org career to achieve another 10% increase in salary? I'm also privileged to live in a society where even with half of my salary it'd be entirely possible to live a comfortable and fulfilling life, where my kids won't need my money to be secure in their education and healthcare. The career game was more interesting when I was in my 20s, now it's just a bunch of bullshit that I can choose to care about or not, and not caring about it is absurdly liberating. To each their own, of course, personally I came to realise that I don't value the career stuff so much, I'm already pretty comfortable (and many times more than any of my ancestors or close family were). There's so much more to life than playing corporate-bullshit, stressing over how to please a business to etch another salary bump. Corporations that deep down don't care about individuals, values, etc., it's just about shareholder value, I prefer to focus my attention on individuals and things that bring joy, love, and interesting experiences in life.
  - hejalajsbsb 3y ago
    Is it that you relaxed over time or you just made enough money in your 20s? Accounting for the global economy and the implied age it would be surprising if you were not—relative to a mid-20s now—so far ahead that compensation should not matter.
abwizz 3y ago
a good paying non-management job with a overseeable workload is what i'm look for as well. kinda hard to find as most hr ppl seem to be looking for either rock stars or code monkeys, any tipps?
- 93po 3y ago
  Find a midsize company that isn’t a tech company and needs help maintaining a very old but critical system. There’s very little accountability since management doesn’t understand software and it pays well because it’s boring as shit and no one wants to do it

fhd2 3y ago

From what I've seen, amassing riches is either a weird game to people, the means to a lifestyle they truly crave (status, luxury, ...), or an unhealthy obsession with security (both for themselves and their offspring). I was, maybe still am, in the last bucket. But I'm starting to realise that security is a quite mythical thing - you can always think of more risks and counter measures, at least at the point I got to. Now I'm thinking the thing I truly need, and want to pass on to my children, is the ability to adapt to changing circumstances and stay resilient.

InCacheOnly 3y ago
I've had a very similar realisation recently. A lot of what I spent the last 5 years doing has largely been to reach a state of security where I feel I 'no longer need to worry'. Due to a death in the family, an unfounded health scare and a rather paranoid money scare it's been made quite clear that this utopia of 'secure' does not exist no matter what I do. It has lead to a reduction in stress in some ways since the pressure to maintain everything and keep it safe is less if 100% confidence can never be reached so chasing it is pointless. I don't know if you've had a similar experience but I'm currently at the stage of re-evaluating what I value since if some things (like wealth and health) are unavoidably temporary then the sacrifices I'm willing to make to maintain them are less than if they were assured or permanant. I'd be curious to know how this has effected your outlook on life as I'm just starting with this now and it has certainly left me a bit lost. Although I don't think that's a bad thing. Sorry for the slight ramble, just been very much on my mind at them moment.
- fhd2 3y ago
  Sorry to hear that! I have a positive outlook. I deal with the problems I encounter and enjoy the little things. This year was pretty good, I pulled off some stuff I didn't know I could do. Now I feel more confident that I can deal with lots of things life'll throw at me (not everything of course). Happy to chat some more outside a public comment thread :D There's an email address in my profile.
lotsofpulp 3y ago
Security is not mythical, at least in the near to short term, enough time for your kids to grow up. Passive income from $10M would secure access for 99% of food, water, heat, shelter, education, transportation, healthcare, retirement, and legal costs. $5M will get you most of the way there too.