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Interesting article. I think part of the issue is education. We get lots of education and resources to help us not have children. But the logistics of finding a

Interesting article. I think part of the issue is education. We get lots of education and resources to help us not have children. But the logistics of finding a partner, maybe marrying, maybe buying property, and then starting to have children is ignored. You very suddenly reach an age as a man where you realise these things are all going to take time and that might be time you don't have. Or time your partner doesn't have. At a certain age, if you're still dating, you might need to start to date women slightly younger than yourself too, and before long you've aged out - you're too old to date a women still of child-bearing age. I've noticed in friends once they hit their thirties, things start to move quickly. New relationships no longer last 4 years before ending - they're engaged after 12 months and married within 24 months. The 'deadline' and pressure can be a good thing for some people. Others will make mistakes. So I think it's a mix of not understanding how early you need to start on the road to having children, mixed with the paradox of choice where people don't want to 'give up' all of their options and then leave it too late. I definitely think the number of childless men who regret it will grow massively with Millennials and Gen Z.

xyzelement 3y ago
It's similar to how people are now fatter and sicker despite access to more information and options vs prior generations. The limited choices before "happened to" line up to what is for many a healthier diet and exercise pattern. Similar with kids - there's less pressure to have kids now and easier excuses not to - but that road takes you to not a good place in the long run.
- helmchenlord 3y ago
  Only a minority of people who don't have children regret it, so your last statement is definitely too broad. Most of us are happily child-free.
hititncommitit 3y ago
I agree with your last statement and with my close friends, I do try to broach this subject occasionally. I think there are many people who genuinely don’t want with kid. But there are many other people who just don’t really seem to have a good perspective on the timeline for these things. This is especially true with men. The idea that you can simply date younger strikes me as a bit foolish- I’ve got a ten year age split with my husband, I’m by no means against it, but I think these age differences come with issues of their own. I think 27 -33, both people around the same age. Is going the sweet spot for most people even it comes to children. The reality is: the decision to start a family it isn’t just about you. It’s also about your future grand kids. And while 40 might seem like it’s the right time for some…it’s rarely ideal in the grand scheme of things- that puts you at a strong chance of having health issues while your kids start families of their own. But meeting your grandkids if your kids make that same choice. It’s best I think to be at that phase in life when your kids are a bit more settled. On the other hand I think normalising most men marrying 30 year olds at 45 opens society up for a variety of problems. And that seems obvious to me even if I don’t think it’s true for everyone- or my relationship. That on a larger scale…it would cause problems. And perhaps aggravate things for the younger generation of men quite considerably.
- helmchenlord 3y ago
  Both genders let themselves get lulled into "I still have time, nowadays it's different" WAY too much. They're not just completely ignoring the normal decline of fertility ratios with age just because they see some other people getting their first children in their 30s or even 40s. They're also ignoring fertility ratios declining even stronger due to environmental factors. Just because so many people are successfully postponing children doesn't mean it gets any easier after the age of 30 or your children are going to be as healthy as others. Statistically the probability of chromosome defects roughly increases by one factor for every year parents are older than 25. ~7 times higher at 35, 15 times at 40. If you are generally open to having children, the best time is in your mid-20s. You still have much more options, support and energy and your children will be healthier. By the time you're out of the education system and your career takes off, your children are already in school and mostly taken care of. That also makes you much more attractive to employers. Nobody likes a 30-something who's been a reliable employee for the last years and might even be up for a promotion to a higher role, but now suddenly has kids and will be tired and unreliable for the next ten years.

xyzelement 3y ago

It's similar to how people are now fatter and sicker despite access to more information and options vs prior generations. The limited choices before "happened to" line up to what is for many a healthier diet and exercise pattern. Similar with kids - there's less pressure to have kids now and easier excuses not to - but that road takes you to not a good place in the long run.

helmchenlord 3y ago
Only a minority of people who don't have children regret it, so your last statement is definitely too broad. Most of us are happily child-free.

hititncommitit 3y ago

I agree with your last statement and with my close friends, I do try to broach this subject occasionally. I think there are many people who genuinely don’t want with kid. But there are many other people who just don’t really seem to have a good perspective on the timeline for these things. This is especially true with men. The idea that you can simply date younger strikes me as a bit foolish- I’ve got a ten year age split with my husband, I’m by no means against it, but I think these age differences come with issues of their own. I think 27 -33, both people around the same age. Is going the sweet spot for most people even it comes to children. The reality is: the decision to start a family it isn’t just about you. It’s also about your future grand kids. And while 40 might seem like it’s the right time for some…it’s rarely ideal in the grand scheme of things- that puts you at a strong chance of having health issues while your kids start families of their own. But meeting your grandkids if your kids make that same choice. It’s best I think to be at that phase in life when your kids are a bit more settled. On the other hand I think normalising most men marrying 30 year olds at 45 opens society up for a variety of problems. And that seems obvious to me even if I don’t think it’s true for everyone- or my relationship. That on a larger scale…it would cause problems. And perhaps aggravate things for the younger generation of men quite considerably.

helmchenlord 3y ago
Both genders let themselves get lulled into "I still have time, nowadays it's different" WAY too much. They're not just completely ignoring the normal decline of fertility ratios with age just because they see some other people getting their first children in their 30s or even 40s. They're also ignoring fertility ratios declining even stronger due to environmental factors. Just because so many people are successfully postponing children doesn't mean it gets any easier after the age of 30 or your children are going to be as healthy as others. Statistically the probability of chromosome defects roughly increases by one factor for every year parents are older than 25. ~7 times higher at 35, 15 times at 40. If you are generally open to having children, the best time is in your mid-20s. You still have much more options, support and energy and your children will be healthier. By the time you're out of the education system and your career takes off, your children are already in school and mostly taken care of. That also makes you much more attractive to employers. Nobody likes a 30-something who's been a reliable employee for the last years and might even be up for a promotion to a higher role, but now suddenly has kids and will be tired and unreliable for the next ten years.