5 ms·
> But a single man adopting is considered as pervert Is this evidence or assumption? Not challenging too hard just wondering if you've actually been called or
by corobo 3y ago
> But a single man adopting is considered as pervert
Is this evidence or assumption? Not challenging too hard just wondering if you've actually been called or treated like a perv or if it's something you assume will occur
- bt4u 3y agoIt will absolutely occur. Men who take their kids to the playground by themselves are often confronted (by moms of other kids). At some point things are so obvious that not many people are going to bother finding a peer reviewed study to cite. Maybe they should but they won't.
- pertymcpert 3y agoI've never seen that happen myself, but I have heard of it. My only theory is that it happens in places which are heavily socially/politically conservative and "backwards", where women can't imagine men being an actual real parent.
- mbg721 3y agoI live in a flyover state and have never had that sort of thing happen...I actually assumed the opposite, that socially/politically liberal areas would be less accustomed to seeing two-parent households and would be wealthy enough to have busybodies with too much time on their hands.
- pertymcpert 3y agoGender equality is correlated with social liberalism, so that makes it more logical of a theory than that.
- em-bee 3y agoin new zealand men are not able to work as teachers or caregivers. which essentially means, men are not trusted with children. i don't think of new zealand as conservative or backwards, even though that attitude certainly is backwards, but that makes it tautological.
- ninkendo 3y agoEveryone's experience is different, but my understanding (and experience) has always been the opposite: People see a dad taking his kid out to the playground and think "dad of the year" before they think of a pervert, because the bar for what it takes to be a good dad is so low. There are so many uninvolved dads out there that the smallest token gesture like taking your kids to the playground is seen as some huge accomplishment.
- scruple 3y agoBut it's also insulting when someone makes off-hand remarks about "giving mom a break," etc. I have 4 year old twins and a nearly 2 year old singleton. We're all busy as fuck here, but no one ever diminishes my wife's ability to be a parent.
- antisthenes 3y agoIt only takes 1 bad Karen to spoil the experience of many dads who love taking their kids to the playground.
- tomatocracy 3y agoNot sure where you are but here in the UK I have been taking my children to the playground on my own for 10 years now and I have never seen this happen either to myself or another Dad. At the weekends I'd say it's mostly Dads in fact.
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- deleted 3y ago[deleted]
- cacois 3y agoIt is theoretically possible as a single male, but there are many more restrictions - in practice its very very rare. For example, see these requirements for a very large international adoption agency: [1]. In my experience there is, as OP describes, a strong stigma against single males, not just that they are considered perverts, but also that they are considered incapable of taking on this responsibility alone, not nurturing enough, too career-focused, etc. [1] https://www.holtinternational.org/adoption/ https://www.holtinternational.org/adoption/ See "Quick overview of parental eligibility requirements" section
- pnutjam 3y agoHave you considered doing volunteer work with children. Something like Big Brothers?
- cacois 3y agoI don't have the problem OP has, I just know something about the system. A better way to phrase this for a useful discussion (rather than unsolicited, assumed advice) would be to say "do you know if volunteer work with children would help alter this perception?".
- bsagdiyev 3y agoNot sure by bt4u's comment is dead, but I've had that exact situation happen to me. Been accused of trying to steal a child while taking my son to the playground. It is an actual thing and it sucks.
- MaKey 3y agoIs this an American thing? I can't imagine that happening in Europe, but maybe I'm just a bit naive.
- fullstop 3y agoIt might be. I would get strange looks when I took my kids to the playground without my wife. They look like me, too.
- bsagdiyev 3y agoYes, in California at the time. Some people get weird. It isn't like it happens all the time, it was a first for me.
- wkat4242 3y agoYeah we're kinda over the traditional family thing here in Europe. I would bet two fathers taking their son to the playground would raise some eyebrows in the US too, depending on the area of course. Whereas here it wouldn't.
- bryanlarsen 3y agoI think it depends on where you are in Europe. I had far more reaction doing childcare in Poland than I did in the US and Canada. Almost completely positive, though. "Your wife is so lucky, a Polish man would never change a diaper".
- wkat4242 3y agoOh ok, that surprises me, Poland has a reputation of being very strongly anti-LGBT (and Hungary too). Guess it depends on the area. When I was in Ireland there were many people against single parents "Lone parents" they call them there, it was a real witch hunt in the media. So yeah we get these things here but it tends to be localised.
- bitcharmer 3y agoWhenever I see a comment like that I always wonder how it's possible that someone might actually challenge what we all know well and experienced multiple times throughout our adult lives. Trolling or genuine question from a person that never witnessed what everyone else did?
- corobo 3y agoI'm not a parent, I live in a small town in the UK, I've literally never seen this happen. I've never even heard of it happening outside of Reddit. I figured maybe it might just be redditors coming off as creepy in general, but seeing the sentiment here too I figured I'd ask. A solo dad out with their kid would probably go home with a pocket full of phone numbers here haha Different people have different information mate. If I start trolling on HN I promise I'll make the comments more interesting than a pretty mild question :)
- bitcharmer 3y agoThanks for your reply and insight. I'm in my 40s and having lived in 4 countries on 3 continents this theme is pretty consistent across cultures. Ask your friends and family if they'd feel as confident employing a male child minder as a female one. Then ponder on the answers. In child custody cases the man stands no chance unless the mother is an addict and a criminal. Or at least that's the case everywhere I've been.