6 ms·

Turning two lives into one, or, things that worry me about Bess, after I’m gone

60 points by jseliger 3y ago

sverona 3y ago
Thank you. You have mattered to me, a total stranger. I think that is all we can hope for in life.
georgestrakhov 3y ago
This is beautiful and so true. "Love isn’t just blind to ugliness, but to decay. Look at two 80-year-olds gazing at each other like teenagers and you’ll know what I mean. When I lose Jake, I’ll lose someone ever seeing me throughout all my ages again." Have a safe trip to the other side, wonderful stranger! I hope to meet you there some day
andyjohnson0 3y ago
There have been a few of Jake's blogs posts on HN recently, and I find them a hard but somehow rewarding read. He conveys a level of lucid, unsentimental insight into his situation that I find remarkable: not only because I'm sure that in his position I would be petrified into silence. I hope that the remainder of his life is full of love. Jake's posts remind me of those of Derek Miller [1], who died back in 2011. His final, posthumous post was particularly moving to me. [1] https://www.penmachine.com/ https://www.penmachine.com/
- bibanez 3y ago
  Damn, I cried.
sdwr 3y ago
[flagged]
- CobaltFire 3y ago
  This comment is pretty much “Tell me you haven’t stared your death, or a loved ones, right in the face without saying it.” There is a “before” and an “after” regardless of if you survive this type of thing or not. As the parent of a kid that had cancer (in remission a few months ago) we absolutely have those thoughts in those ways.
  - sdwr 3y ago
    I was violently beaten by a homeless(?) man under a bridge a few years back. I still remember the feeling of losing consciousness with each blow to the head. Going out was painful, but each time I "rebooted", I had a fierce joy for being alive. When his friend pulled him off me, I thanked him. For not killing me, sure, but also for showing me the boundary of life.
    - CobaltFire 3y ago
      That’s not quite the same thing. Having dealt with similar situations on both sides, equating the two is not something that should be done. Neither should be trivialized, but they should not be equated.
- supergauntlet 3y ago
  > I hope that you don't take this the wrong way (because many people will!), but if that's how you operate, maybe you deserve to die? Vacate that space for somebody who will live it authentically and directly. What's the 'right' way to take this? Do tell.
  - sdwr 3y ago
    As a spur, a goad, a challenge. Like, the clock is ticking, and you can do better than this. Or you can't! I don't know. Pharrell Williams said once "There's more space in the negative"
    - vore 3y ago
      This is really quite distasteful. People should live their life for themselves, not "goaded" or "challenged" by HN user sdwr.
    - andyjohnson0 3y ago
      > As a spur, a goad, a challenge. Like, the clock is ticking, and you can do better than this. Or you can't! I don't know. I dont think you get to tell anyone how to use their life. Still less to tell a dying person that "maybe you deserve to die".
- infinitezest 3y ago
  This is definitely the weirdest, most unnecessary take I've seen all day.
- Chris2048 3y ago
  He has a blessed life, and doesn't want to screw that up, so he's cautious. And so in your opinion maybe he doesn't deserve life? Give it to someone less cautious?
CobaltFire 3y ago
I have no idea if Jake reads these or not, but having read both his and his wife's blogs over the last month or two, right after our youngest was (finally) given the all clear for Leukemia: It is astoundingly hard to read these, having been through something similar (child, not partner). I tried to keep a blog of our experiences, and... it was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I quietly shuttered it about halfway through, when we had some setbacks and I couldn't bear to write anything. I'm not sure if I should thank you for posting or not; these posts are both intensely personal and very public I think. I can say that I truly hope they help you and you wife as you work through this. There is a sentiment shared at a retirement or funeral in the Navy (my chosen career): Fair Winds and Following Seas. We have the watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhwZwHaE5JE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhwZwHaE5JE I hope there is someone to take whatever it is you consider your "watch" in life.

60 points by jseliger 3y ago

Thank you. You have mattered to me, a total stranger. I think that is all we can hope for in life.

This is beautiful and so true. "Love isn’t just blind to ugliness, but to decay. Look at two 80-year-olds gazing at each other like teenagers and you’ll know what I mean. When I lose Jake, I’ll lose someone ever seeing me throughout all my ages again." Have a safe trip to the other side, wonderful stranger! I hope to meet you there some day

andyjohnson0 3y ago

There have been a few of Jake's blogs posts on HN recently, and I find them a hard but somehow rewarding read. He conveys a level of lucid, unsentimental insight into his situation that I find remarkable: not only because I'm sure that in his position I would be petrified into silence. I hope that the remainder of his life is full of love. Jake's posts remind me of those of Derek Miller [1], who died back in 2011. His final, posthumous post was particularly moving to me. [1] https://www.penmachine.com/ https://www.penmachine.com/

bibanez 3y ago
Damn, I cried.

sdwr 3y ago

[flagged]

CobaltFire 3y ago
This comment is pretty much “Tell me you haven’t stared your death, or a loved ones, right in the face without saying it.” There is a “before” and an “after” regardless of if you survive this type of thing or not. As the parent of a kid that had cancer (in remission a few months ago) we absolutely have those thoughts in those ways.
- sdwr 3y ago
  I was violently beaten by a homeless(?) man under a bridge a few years back. I still remember the feeling of losing consciousness with each blow to the head. Going out was painful, but each time I "rebooted", I had a fierce joy for being alive. When his friend pulled him off me, I thanked him. For not killing me, sure, but also for showing me the boundary of life.
  - CobaltFire 3y ago
    That’s not quite the same thing. Having dealt with similar situations on both sides, equating the two is not something that should be done. Neither should be trivialized, but they should not be equated.
supergauntlet 3y ago
> I hope that you don't take this the wrong way (because many people will!), but if that's how you operate, maybe you deserve to die? Vacate that space for somebody who will live it authentically and directly. What's the 'right' way to take this? Do tell.
- sdwr 3y ago
  As a spur, a goad, a challenge. Like, the clock is ticking, and you can do better than this. Or you can't! I don't know. Pharrell Williams said once "There's more space in the negative"
  - vore 3y ago
    This is really quite distasteful. People should live their life for themselves, not "goaded" or "challenged" by HN user sdwr.
  - andyjohnson0 3y ago
    > As a spur, a goad, a challenge. Like, the clock is ticking, and you can do better than this. Or you can't! I don't know. I dont think you get to tell anyone how to use their life. Still less to tell a dying person that "maybe you deserve to die".
infinitezest 3y ago
This is definitely the weirdest, most unnecessary take I've seen all day.
Chris2048 3y ago
He has a blessed life, and doesn't want to screw that up, so he's cautious. And so in your opinion maybe he doesn't deserve life? Give it to someone less cautious?

CobaltFire 3y ago

I have no idea if Jake reads these or not, but having read both his and his wife's blogs over the last month or two, right after our youngest was (finally) given the all clear for Leukemia: It is astoundingly hard to read these, having been through something similar (child, not partner). I tried to keep a blog of our experiences, and... it was one of the most difficult things I've ever done. I quietly shuttered it about halfway through, when we had some setbacks and I couldn't bear to write anything. I'm not sure if I should thank you for posting or not; these posts are both intensely personal and very public I think. I can say that I truly hope they help you and you wife as you work through this. There is a sentiment shared at a retirement or funeral in the Navy (my chosen career): Fair Winds and Following Seas. We have the watch. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhwZwHaE5JE https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=jhwZwHaE5JE I hope there is someone to take whatever it is you consider your "watch" in life.