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You're a very well regarded HNer, so I'm not happy writing a critique of your comment [<- ironically, I initially wrote "I apologize for..."]. >I very wel

You're a very well regarded HNer, so I'm not happy writing a critique of your comment [<- ironically, I initially wrote "I apologize for..."]. >I very well may be sorry that I brought [slavery] >up on MLK day, but I'm not really sorry for >feeling the way I do You can't apologize for making someone feel badly about something if you still hold that something to be true. Using your MLK/slavery example, why are you apologizing? You are apologizing because you empathize with the black/white person you offended with your statement. You cannot do so if you still hold slavery to be good; if you maintain your belief in slavery as you say this not-apology statement, then you are placating or mollifying or appeasing. >We need to make sure we are not >trying to tell people how to think. You follow this with suggesting something like Socratic-methodizing them, which is basically a mechanism to get people to think your way. >it's not okay for a mob to dictate to you >what your policies should be Maybe it's not "ok" (whatever that might mean), but it's reality: see law, ethics, morals, common values, cliques, villages, associations, "shunning" or any other "mob" defined construct/action... I agree with a version of your statement that has additional nuance (involving power), but, as written, the statement rejects human mechanics.

timwiseman 15y ago
You can't apologize for making someone feel badly about something if you still hold that something to be true. You can if what you are apologizing for is the way or time you expressed it. Slavery is probably a controversial example because almost everyone now will agree it is morally wrong. But even absolute facts can be offensive at the wrong time. For instance, I think more people should be aware of the extent of the dangers of drowning and the right ways to prevent it. It would be insensitive at best if I started discussing that during the funeral of a young child that had drowned. It is a good message to get out, but it would be appropriate for me to apoloize for bringing up in that context.
petercooper 15y ago
You can't apologize for making someone feel badly about something if you still hold that something to be true. You can express empathy with the other person though. And in English, at least, this is commonly done using apologetic language, "I am sorry that you feel that way and I understand that you are upset" etc. It is possible to totally disagree with someone but still feel empathy for their reaction to your opinion. As such, you certainly can "apologize" for making someone feel bad even if you don't find the cause justifies it. You're just not apologizing for your opinion.
- maco 15y ago
  You can express empathy with the other person though. And in English, at least, this is commonly done using apologetic language, "I am sorry that you feel that way and I understand that you are upset" etc. No, "I'm sorry I made you feel that way" or "I'm sorry I hurt you."

timwiseman 15y ago

You can't apologize for making someone feel badly about something if you still hold that something to be true. You can if what you are apologizing for is the way or time you expressed it. Slavery is probably a controversial example because almost everyone now will agree it is morally wrong. But even absolute facts can be offensive at the wrong time. For instance, I think more people should be aware of the extent of the dangers of drowning and the right ways to prevent it. It would be insensitive at best if I started discussing that during the funeral of a young child that had drowned. It is a good message to get out, but it would be appropriate for me to apoloize for bringing up in that context.

petercooper 15y ago

You can't apologize for making someone feel badly about something if you still hold that something to be true. You can express empathy with the other person though. And in English, at least, this is commonly done using apologetic language, "I am sorry that you feel that way and I understand that you are upset" etc. It is possible to totally disagree with someone but still feel empathy for their reaction to your opinion. As such, you certainly can "apologize" for making someone feel bad even if you don't find the cause justifies it. You're just not apologizing for your opinion.

maco 15y ago
You can express empathy with the other person though. And in English, at least, this is commonly done using apologetic language, "I am sorry that you feel that way and I understand that you are upset" etc. No, "I'm sorry I made you feel that way" or "I'm sorry I hurt you."