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> The other one is accusatory in tone I think you need to revisit the definition. There is nothing accusatory about "Why didn't you do it this way?". It's simp

> The other one is accusatory in tone I think you need to revisit the definition. There is nothing accusatory about "Why didn't you do it this way?". It's simple question with a simple answer in the format: "Because <reason>". Reading an accusatory tone from a perfectly neutral question, and then getting defensive about it, is exactly the sort of corporate culture that has no place in a productive environment. ChatGPT gave the following answer: > If I encountered the phrase "Why didn't you do it this way?" during a code review, I would likely assume a curious or neutral tone. To avoid miscommunications, we should all be at least as sane as ChatGPT. > has histories of being used to put down The whole point is to interpret the words as they are written, and with common definitions from the dictionary. Not to read tones into them that may not exist in the culture of the speaker. > assumption that once again comes out of nowhere I was responding to your quote: > You can't be negative 100% of the time If you're receiving 100% negative feedback, the first place I'd look is internally. A review process is a solicitation for criticism. It's you who is saying that a who clearly, directly, professionally, and constructively criticizes work is "hostile". > Then they shouldn't care about their co-worker's code quality unless they are constantly asked to fix it They should care when they are asked to review it, since that's the point of a review process.

johnnyanmac 3y ago
>I think you need to revisit the definition. There is nothing accusatory about "Why didn't you do it this way?" okay: >indicating or suggesting that one believes a person has done something wrong. I believe the definition is apt here. You believe something is done wrong so you open it up with an accusation of not doing it "this way". It's almost textbook definition. There could be room for context, but in a vacuum it's not best to open up your review with "why didn't you X?". You should have established X while triaging the task. >ChatGPT gave the following answer: If there's one thing I'm not going to rely on an AI for, it's for human tone. Even advanced sci-fi sentient android have the stereotype of not capturing tone properly. So there's little point in trusting 2023 web scraping. It says it's a neutral tone because somewhere in its training data there is a person who assumed a neutral tone. Which in and of itself is subjective. It's based on the AI's limited experience on the internet, and the Internet is also infamously horrible at conveying tone. back in reality, I've been asked "why" so many times in an accusatory tone IRL that it's always going to put me on the defensive. "Why are you here?", "Why is this not done?", "Why are you late to this meeting?". It's not a good idea in general to do a cold open with that. >If you're receiving 100% negative feedback, the first place I'd look is internally. If you get negative feedback from everyone, sure If you get 100% negative feedback from a few specific persons, then it's probably personal. Especially if those few people are not your direct managers. Something we seem to both agree on is that we shouldn't take things personally in the workplace, but there often is a few people like that no matter where you go.
- thegrimmest 3y ago
  > You believe something is done wrong so you open it up with an accusation Nowhere is this belief stated in the text. It's simply not what the words mean. It is being fabricated entirely in your mind. The only appropriate thing to infer from a question is that the asker wants to know the answer. > I've been asked "why" so many times in an accusatory tone IRL that it's always going to put me on the defensive. The onus is on you to cope with that. Don't transfer this burden to everyone you communicate with. It's unprofessional. > If there's one thing I'm not going to rely on an AI for, it's for human tone. Sentiment analysis is actually something LLMs excel at.
  - johnnyanmac 3y ago
    >Nowhere is this belief stated in the text. It's simply not what the words mean. Why does one ask "why"? There's two primary reason: curiosity and accusation. And generally you're not too curious on what any single worker in day to day work is doing. You may not process it as an accusation, but it can come off that way. ----- We seem to not being seeing eye to eye so no point continuing this conversation. Instead of pushing all the blame on me, consider other lenses and experiences and understand why they feel that way. I am very pragmatic and would like to simply assume a question is a question, but that's just not how 90% of questions work when a manager is DM'ing you in chat, or some lead pops into a code review to ask why you made this PR in their module. Heck, consider this conversation. I give my experiences and you dismiss me and try to prove my experiences wrong with algorithms. Are you really surprised I act defensively when your first instinct is to say my experienced are wrong? Can you see why this may come off as insensitive and foster a hostile environment, an environment where no one cares about your opinions and pushes all blame on you? Good thing I don't need to tolerate comments like this at work.
    - gabereiser 3y ago
      I’m with you on this. However, it’s going to take time for those who don’t understand this to understand this. You have to live through it I think. Once you have, you’ll see it immediately. If you haven’t, well, enjoy your direct tone deaf communication style.

johnnyanmac 3y ago

>I think you need to revisit the definition. There is nothing accusatory about "Why didn't you do it this way?" okay: >indicating or suggesting that one believes a person has done something wrong. I believe the definition is apt here. You believe something is done wrong so you open it up with an accusation of not doing it "this way". It's almost textbook definition. There could be room for context, but in a vacuum it's not best to open up your review with "why didn't you X?". You should have established X while triaging the task. >ChatGPT gave the following answer: If there's one thing I'm not going to rely on an AI for, it's for human tone. Even advanced sci-fi sentient android have the stereotype of not capturing tone properly. So there's little point in trusting 2023 web scraping. It says it's a neutral tone because somewhere in its training data there is a person who assumed a neutral tone. Which in and of itself is subjective. It's based on the AI's limited experience on the internet, and the Internet is also infamously horrible at conveying tone. back in reality, I've been asked "why" so many times in an accusatory tone IRL that it's always going to put me on the defensive. "Why are you here?", "Why is this not done?", "Why are you late to this meeting?". It's not a good idea in general to do a cold open with that. >If you're receiving 100% negative feedback, the first place I'd look is internally. If you get negative feedback from everyone, sure If you get 100% negative feedback from a few specific persons, then it's probably personal. Especially if those few people are not your direct managers. Something we seem to both agree on is that we shouldn't take things personally in the workplace, but there often is a few people like that no matter where you go.

thegrimmest 3y ago
> You believe something is done wrong so you open it up with an accusation Nowhere is this belief stated in the text. It's simply not what the words mean. It is being fabricated entirely in your mind. The only appropriate thing to infer from a question is that the asker wants to know the answer. > I've been asked "why" so many times in an accusatory tone IRL that it's always going to put me on the defensive. The onus is on you to cope with that. Don't transfer this burden to everyone you communicate with. It's unprofessional. > If there's one thing I'm not going to rely on an AI for, it's for human tone. Sentiment analysis is actually something LLMs excel at.
- johnnyanmac 3y ago
  >Nowhere is this belief stated in the text. It's simply not what the words mean. Why does one ask "why"? There's two primary reason: curiosity and accusation. And generally you're not too curious on what any single worker in day to day work is doing. You may not process it as an accusation, but it can come off that way. ----- We seem to not being seeing eye to eye so no point continuing this conversation. Instead of pushing all the blame on me, consider other lenses and experiences and understand why they feel that way. I am very pragmatic and would like to simply assume a question is a question, but that's just not how 90% of questions work when a manager is DM'ing you in chat, or some lead pops into a code review to ask why you made this PR in their module. Heck, consider this conversation. I give my experiences and you dismiss me and try to prove my experiences wrong with algorithms. Are you really surprised I act defensively when your first instinct is to say my experienced are wrong? Can you see why this may come off as insensitive and foster a hostile environment, an environment where no one cares about your opinions and pushes all blame on you? Good thing I don't need to tolerate comments like this at work.
  - gabereiser 3y ago
    I’m with you on this. However, it’s going to take time for those who don’t understand this to understand this. You have to live through it I think. Once you have, you’ll see it immediately. If you haven’t, well, enjoy your direct tone deaf communication style.