3 ms·

Can you provide more details on this? I've always had a fascination with these kinds of subjects (eg, conversational terrorism like "distorted active listening

• ChrisMarshallNY 3y ago
  Well, in my experience, it's usually around "power dynamics." Some folks always have to be "on top" of every relationship. Compliments are a way to wrest control. For example, if we complement someone on being productive, depending on the wording, it can infer that they are only productive because we say they are, or that we are the only ones willing to "credit" them with their productivity. It can also be used as a way to make ourselves look good, like saying that we are the only ones that noticed a certain pattern or trait, so we are using them as a foil to complement ourselves. I have spent my entire adult life around some of the most manipulative people on Earth, and have developed a certain level of cynicism. I have also learned ways to "counter" these "compliments." For example, in the OP, I might say "Huh. I thought it was obvious I screwed that up." That turns the "complement" onto the other, or "Yeah, but I showed Bob that I was good at that, and that's why I got the promotion."