6 ms·

People stop talking to their parents because the relationship isn't good, not because they didn't get to take a turn being shit on in public school.

watwut 3y ago
The "your choice to homeschool me harmed me" is point of contention and literally the conflict in some cases.
- CuriouslyC 3y ago
  If your idea of homeschooling is to sequester a child away from all human contact to try and indoctrinate them in some crazy belief, maybe. Plenty of homeschooled kids have homeschool play groups, athletics lessons and other non-compulsory classes which they're free to leave at any time if they don't like their peer group.
  - gemstones 3y ago
    I heard this “but we have homeschool play groups! It’s different!” in the 2000s from every single one of the parents for whom homeschool was a disaster. It’s funny hearing it fresh here.
    - CuriouslyC 3y ago
      I suspect this has more to do with your social circle, which given the density of homeschoolers is probably either hyper-religious, doomsday preppers or some other dysfunctional subculture, and I'm not surprised those children would grow up to hate their parents. To be fair though, I'd imagine an hour or two a week of socialization is still quite insufficient. On the flip side, 10+ hours a day of socialization is unquestionably unnecessary, and forcing your kids to become conformists or get beat up/bullied/etc (which is the reality in public schools unless you live in a really rich neighborhood) in order to get a little more socialization time isn't a good tradeoff. There are a lot of non-school activities children can engage in to get peer socialization where the type of bullshit that occurs in public school doesn't fly, due to the adults that run those activities losing customers and having their livelihood threatened if they let kids be little cunts, unlike public schools.
      - gemstones 3y ago
        Nope! My parents were secular parents avoiding a struggling inner-city public school system, hoping to have their children take advanced mathematics courses. Same with the rest of the group. So I heard the same refrain from you that I heard from my parents and their peers, decades later from someone I don’t know, and your takeaway is that we must be in very different circumstances? Bud, you’re almost certainly reusing the same homeschooling materials and curriculum help my own parents did.
        lucubratory 3y ago
        So if they weren't religious nutters why did you all go no-contact? Abuse is the only reason I've commonly heard for no-contact, with addiction and religious expulsion uncommon but present, were 12/13 of these families abusive or addicted? I'm just struggling to understand the relationship between the facts you've stated and the outcomes you've stated, I feel like I'm missing a lot of steps here. For reference, I am also no-contact and most of my friends are no-contact, most due to abuse, but we weren't homeschooled.
  - AlwaysRock 3y ago
    "your choice to homeschool me harmed me" doesnt have to mean the social skills alone. I never progressed in some academic areas as much as I would have liked until college/after college because my parents were not great teachers in those areas. Did they know they were not good teachers in those areas? I'm sure they didnt. Did I know that at the time? Nope. Would public school have taught me that same subject better? Who knows but my peers seemed to generally have a better understand of it than I did. yada yada road to hell is paved with good intentions.
emodendroket 3y ago
You don't see how the choice to voluntarily socially isolate your kid might strain your relationship with them?

watwut 3y ago

The "your choice to homeschool me harmed me" is point of contention and literally the conflict in some cases.

CuriouslyC 3y ago
If your idea of homeschooling is to sequester a child away from all human contact to try and indoctrinate them in some crazy belief, maybe. Plenty of homeschooled kids have homeschool play groups, athletics lessons and other non-compulsory classes which they're free to leave at any time if they don't like their peer group.
- gemstones 3y ago
  I heard this “but we have homeschool play groups! It’s different!” in the 2000s from every single one of the parents for whom homeschool was a disaster. It’s funny hearing it fresh here.
  - CuriouslyC 3y ago
    I suspect this has more to do with your social circle, which given the density of homeschoolers is probably either hyper-religious, doomsday preppers or some other dysfunctional subculture, and I'm not surprised those children would grow up to hate their parents. To be fair though, I'd imagine an hour or two a week of socialization is still quite insufficient. On the flip side, 10+ hours a day of socialization is unquestionably unnecessary, and forcing your kids to become conformists or get beat up/bullied/etc (which is the reality in public schools unless you live in a really rich neighborhood) in order to get a little more socialization time isn't a good tradeoff. There are a lot of non-school activities children can engage in to get peer socialization where the type of bullshit that occurs in public school doesn't fly, due to the adults that run those activities losing customers and having their livelihood threatened if they let kids be little cunts, unlike public schools.
    - gemstones 3y ago
      Nope! My parents were secular parents avoiding a struggling inner-city public school system, hoping to have their children take advanced mathematics courses. Same with the rest of the group. So I heard the same refrain from you that I heard from my parents and their peers, decades later from someone I don’t know, and your takeaway is that we must be in very different circumstances? Bud, you’re almost certainly reusing the same homeschooling materials and curriculum help my own parents did.
      - lucubratory 3y ago
        So if they weren't religious nutters why did you all go no-contact? Abuse is the only reason I've commonly heard for no-contact, with addiction and religious expulsion uncommon but present, were 12/13 of these families abusive or addicted? I'm just struggling to understand the relationship between the facts you've stated and the outcomes you've stated, I feel like I'm missing a lot of steps here. For reference, I am also no-contact and most of my friends are no-contact, most due to abuse, but we weren't homeschooled.
- AlwaysRock 3y ago
  "your choice to homeschool me harmed me" doesnt have to mean the social skills alone. I never progressed in some academic areas as much as I would have liked until college/after college because my parents were not great teachers in those areas. Did they know they were not good teachers in those areas? I'm sure they didnt. Did I know that at the time? Nope. Would public school have taught me that same subject better? Who knows but my peers seemed to generally have a better understand of it than I did. yada yada road to hell is paved with good intentions.

emodendroket 3y ago

You don't see how the choice to voluntarily socially isolate your kid might strain your relationship with them?