2 ms·

> I dated someone I believe has NPD, and it was an abusive and traumatic relationship. I have had family members who definitely had NPD, and they were abusive t

by mjfl 3y ago

> I dated someone I believe has NPD, and it was an abusive and traumatic relationship. I have had family members who definitely had NPD, and they were abusive to their children. I've both been & seen people profoundly hurt by this (the NPD sufferers included). So you've done the diagnosis yourself, outside of a psychiatric clinic? See this is exactly what I'm talking about. You have observations coming from these completely biased sources, making pretty heavy conclusions about someone's brain, and when you look at the solutions to how to deal with these people it's super severe - like completely cut them out of your life, treat them like a dangerous animal. It should be completely obvious to everyone why this is a bad way of thinking and doing things.

maxbond 3y ago
That's why I said "I believe" in that case, to clarify it was a lay opinion. (For what it's worth, professionals I've spoken to think it's a reasonable hypothesis.) I was with this person for years. I tried many, many things to make the relationship work. You don't know how bad things got in that relationship. I hope you never have any idea what it's like to care for someone who deliberately hurts you; who, when confronted about it, tells you that it's because you deserve to be hurt; who tells you they are suffering terribly and want to die, and who begs you to kill them. For all of this to become part of your daily life, to seem normal and anticipated. Read that a few times, and then tell me again I should have kept that person in my life. To be frank with you, you're speaking from a place of ignorance. And I think that's fantastic, if you haven't been forced to cut anyone you loved out of your life because they were abusive to you, that's wonderful. I want that for everyone. But you should be more careful when commenting on these matters.
- mjfl 3y ago
  Well I'm sorry that happened to you. You certainly shouldn't be with someone who constantly makes you miserable, regardless of 'psychology'. And I'm hoping the relationship ended before marriage, for sure.
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]

by mjfl 3y ago

maxbond 3y ago

That's why I said "I believe" in that case, to clarify it was a lay opinion. (For what it's worth, professionals I've spoken to think it's a reasonable hypothesis.) I was with this person for years. I tried many, many things to make the relationship work. You don't know how bad things got in that relationship. I hope you never have any idea what it's like to care for someone who deliberately hurts you; who, when confronted about it, tells you that it's because you deserve to be hurt; who tells you they are suffering terribly and want to die, and who begs you to kill them. For all of this to become part of your daily life, to seem normal and anticipated. Read that a few times, and then tell me again I should have kept that person in my life. To be frank with you, you're speaking from a place of ignorance. And I think that's fantastic, if you haven't been forced to cut anyone you loved out of your life because they were abusive to you, that's wonderful. I want that for everyone. But you should be more careful when commenting on these matters.

mjfl 3y ago
Well I'm sorry that happened to you. You certainly shouldn't be with someone who constantly makes you miserable, regardless of 'psychology'. And I'm hoping the relationship ended before marriage, for sure.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]