3 ms·
Getting into fights with assholes might get you some feeling of satisfaction, but I've rarely seen it work out productively. Usually both people get mad and it
by mcpackieh 3y ago
Getting into fights with assholes might get you some feeling of satisfaction, but I've rarely seen it work out productively. Usually both people get mad and it escalates into a deeper feud that puts both parties into an even worse place than where they started. And suppose you've misread their personality, due to your personal biases or limited information, then who's really the asshole when you start baiting that person? This is why it's usually better to avoid assholes than to "take them down a peg." Usually. Individual circumstances obviously need to be considered.
In any case, the label you apply to somebody after observing their personality traits doesn't tell you which of their buttons to press, it's the observation of their personality traits which may inform your angles of attack. Somebody is observed to be self-absorbed, and is therefore labelled a narcissist, and the observation of their self-centered personality is what tells you how to push their buttons. You can press those buttons whether or not you use or even know the clinical label, people have been doing it for millenia before these labels were formulated. The labels themselves aren't actually useful here. Discrete kinds of asshole is a dubious proposition in the first place. Assholishness is probably a continuous spectrum of behavior, so if you really want to strike at somebody deep you're better off considering them as a unique individual and tailoring your attack accordingly. Of course, once you've considered them as a unique individual you may find yourself less inclined to attack them...
- ModernMech 3y agoYou're making the case that heuristics aren't useful, and I just don't agree with that given how I employ them effectively.
- mcpackieh 3y agoI'm arguing against the utility of discrete categorization of continuous phenomena, not against heuristics generally. Treating others as you wish to be treated is an example of a good heuristic that people should follow most of the time. On the other hand, armchair psychological diagnoses are usually bad heuristics.
- ModernMech 3y agoMapping a measurement from a continuous phenomena to a point on a discrete space I have experience with is exactly applying a heuristic. I’m all for treating everyone like individuals, but I encounter new people every day who want things from me, and I just don’t have time for that. So I use shortcuts and put people in boxes. That’s life. I’m not “armchair diagnosing” anyone, I’m just dealing with people.
- mcpackieh 3y ago> I’m not “armchair diagnosing” anyone, I’m just dealing with people. If you're not armchair diagnosing anybody, then we don't have any disagreement. If you're classifying people as NPD on the same day you met them, that's what I'm arguing against. Doing so isn't helpful and you don't have enough information about that person to even do it properly. Even when you do have enough information about that person, like a long-term friend or family member, and yet also enough personal distance from the situation to limit your biases, it's rarely a useful thing to do. It might help you feel better about a failed relationship, which is what a lot of people seem to use NPD for, but these are not real diagnoses.