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People are complex and researching them is difficult. We should expect to encounter more false starts in psychology and other social sciences than in, say, phys

People are complex and researching them is difficult. We should expect to encounter more false starts in psychology and other social sciences than in, say, physics. Our power to know is less, but it's still an important topic to research because it allows us to better our lives and address important questions. We shouldn't blink just because we're bound to make many mistakes along the way. It's true that people do employ the language of psychology as a cudgel. That's inappropriate. Unfortunately the nature of language is too be appropriate and used in novel ways, is inevitable that some of those will be counterproductive. The only solution I see is to educate people better about these concepts, and failing that to buy more time by abandoning terminology that has picked up insurmountable connotations and taking another step on the linguistic treadmill. It's also true that a lot of people are profoundly effected by eg a romantic partner or boss who has those issues - not all of those people are wrong. I dated someone I believe has NPD, and it was an abusive and traumatic relationship. I have had family members who definitely had NPD, and they were abusive to their children. I've both been & seen people profoundly hurt by this (the NPD sufferers included). It's callous to disregard people who have sought a diagnosis or to equate it to an astrological sign. If you haven't struggled with your mental health, or if you have struggled but have found adequate redress outside the clinical sphere, you may count yourself fortunate, but it's inappropriate to denigrate others who have had a different experience. Personally I'm going to therapy and trying to find an anxiety medication that works for me, along with meditating, exercising, and other forms of intervention, and I have absolutely no shame about it. It was a great decision. I've seen medication and therapy make a night and day difference for people in my life. I encourage everyone who experiences depression, anxiety, or other mental health issues to investigate professional help. Please don't let these judgemental misconceptions stop you.

mjfl 3y ago
> I dated someone I believe has NPD, and it was an abusive and traumatic relationship. I have had family members who definitely had NPD, and they were abusive to their children. I've both been & seen people profoundly hurt by this (the NPD sufferers included). So you've done the diagnosis yourself, outside of a psychiatric clinic? See this is exactly what I'm talking about. You have observations coming from these completely biased sources, making pretty heavy conclusions about someone's brain, and when you look at the solutions to how to deal with these people it's super severe - like completely cut them out of your life, treat them like a dangerous animal. It should be completely obvious to everyone why this is a bad way of thinking and doing things.
- maxbond 3y ago
  That's why I said "I believe" in that case, to clarify it was a lay opinion. (For what it's worth, professionals I've spoken to think it's a reasonable hypothesis.) I was with this person for years. I tried many, many things to make the relationship work. You don't know how bad things got in that relationship. I hope you never have any idea what it's like to care for someone who deliberately hurts you; who, when confronted about it, tells you that it's because you deserve to be hurt; who tells you they are suffering terribly and want to die, and who begs you to kill them. For all of this to become part of your daily life, to seem normal and anticipated. Read that a few times, and then tell me again I should have kept that person in my life. To be frank with you, you're speaking from a place of ignorance. And I think that's fantastic, if you haven't been forced to cut anyone you loved out of your life because they were abusive to you, that's wonderful. I want that for everyone. But you should be more careful when commenting on these matters.
  - mjfl 3y ago
    Well I'm sorry that happened to you. You certainly shouldn't be with someone who constantly makes you miserable, regardless of 'psychology'. And I'm hoping the relationship ended before marriage, for sure.
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      [deleted]

mjfl 3y ago

> I dated someone I believe has NPD, and it was an abusive and traumatic relationship. I have had family members who definitely had NPD, and they were abusive to their children. I've both been & seen people profoundly hurt by this (the NPD sufferers included). So you've done the diagnosis yourself, outside of a psychiatric clinic? See this is exactly what I'm talking about. You have observations coming from these completely biased sources, making pretty heavy conclusions about someone's brain, and when you look at the solutions to how to deal with these people it's super severe - like completely cut them out of your life, treat them like a dangerous animal. It should be completely obvious to everyone why this is a bad way of thinking and doing things.

maxbond 3y ago
That's why I said "I believe" in that case, to clarify it was a lay opinion. (For what it's worth, professionals I've spoken to think it's a reasonable hypothesis.) I was with this person for years. I tried many, many things to make the relationship work. You don't know how bad things got in that relationship. I hope you never have any idea what it's like to care for someone who deliberately hurts you; who, when confronted about it, tells you that it's because you deserve to be hurt; who tells you they are suffering terribly and want to die, and who begs you to kill them. For all of this to become part of your daily life, to seem normal and anticipated. Read that a few times, and then tell me again I should have kept that person in my life. To be frank with you, you're speaking from a place of ignorance. And I think that's fantastic, if you haven't been forced to cut anyone you loved out of your life because they were abusive to you, that's wonderful. I want that for everyone. But you should be more careful when commenting on these matters.
- mjfl 3y ago
  Well I'm sorry that happened to you. You certainly shouldn't be with someone who constantly makes you miserable, regardless of 'psychology'. And I'm hoping the relationship ended before marriage, for sure.
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]