3 ms·

I prefer focus on objective behaviors in day to day life. I mostly encounter what I others seem to label "narcissism" (or some kind of dysfunction) in work life

I prefer focus on objective behaviors in day to day life. I mostly encounter what I others seem to label "narcissism" (or some kind of dysfunction) in work life. It seems there IS a small but significant percentage of people in day to day life that: - Can't receive constructive feedback without exploding / taking it personally / feeling betrayed - Simultaneously gives relatively harsh feedback, the type they would very much bristle at - Does not do normal "relationship repair"/apologize when they make a mistake in a relationship, its 100% on the other person There's an asymmetry in their relationships that, for whatever reason, the other side can be blinded to or accept. I think most folks are naturally trusting, and assume it must be a problem with THEM, so they work to please the (for lack of a better term) narcissist. The good news is you can document and measure these things IMO. You just have to know not to assume you're the problem, which is probably is a healthy default with the 95% of non narcissist people out there.

bemusedthrow75 3y ago
> I think most folks are naturally trusting, and assume it must be a problem with THEM, so they work to please the (for lack of a better term) narcissist. This is true, but I've seen it said that basically when people encounter an extreme narcissist (or sociopath) the problem is that when we try to understand their behaviours, we project our own relative normality onto them to model what we would do in their shoes, because it's difficult for us to even perceive, let alone comprehend, what it must be like to lack what they lack. So our generous interpretation of their actions is based on our own more stable self-image. We assume that there must be a typical human reason for them to behave that way, because that's the only way we can model the feelings that might lead to their behaviour. Now if you turn it around, it is not difficult to understand why e.g. Trump lashes out at everyone. He only knows what it is like to be him, and he projects that and worse onto the world.

bemusedthrow75 3y ago

> I think most folks are naturally trusting, and assume it must be a problem with THEM, so they work to please the (for lack of a better term) narcissist. This is true, but I've seen it said that basically when people encounter an extreme narcissist (or sociopath) the problem is that when we try to understand their behaviours, we project our own relative normality onto them to model what we would do in their shoes, because it's difficult for us to even perceive, let alone comprehend, what it must be like to lack what they lack. So our generous interpretation of their actions is based on our own more stable self-image. We assume that there must be a typical human reason for them to behave that way, because that's the only way we can model the feelings that might lead to their behaviour. Now if you turn it around, it is not difficult to understand why e.g. Trump lashes out at everyone. He only knows what it is like to be him, and he projects that and worse onto the world.