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> If your honesty means being brutal, issue is you. "brutal honesty" does not mean physically brutal. It means not sugar coating the truth.

by boxed 3y ago

JackFr 3y ago
People who claim to be brutally honest, typically believe that the virtue of honesty somehow balances their brutality.
- boxed 3y ago
  Now you're making a statement of statistics though. Not about definitions. And this I agree with. But saying it as a blanket statement is too much for my taste. Children are often brutally honest. Because they literally don't know the other person will be hurt.
watwut 3y ago
I meant exactly what I wrote. If your honesty consist entirely of negative things, then it is on you. And if you cant deliver criticism or negative things without being brutal, then it is on you. There is such a thing as honest compliment, for example. And also, "brutal honesty" is fairly often euphemism for "exaggerated and emotionally laden claims". These things are not factually true nor honest, they are said and phrased for maximum negative impact.
- boxed 3y ago
  > If your honesty consist entirely of negative things, then it is on you. That was quite a leap you made there. You can be brutally honest and have positive things to say. In fact, positive things have higher positive impact to the recipient from such a person, since they know they aren't sugar coating.
damascus 3y ago
'Brutal honesty' and 'not sugar coating the truth' are both lines used by emotionally immature people protecting their own values and ideals. Anything that needs to be said while being "brutally honest" can also be said honestly with compassion and empathy, but that takes a lot more self-awareness and emotional skill than just emotionally vomiting on someone else and calling it 'brutal honesty'.
- roenxi 3y ago
  Sure. But if you demand that only people with more self-awareness and emotional skill tell difficult truth then it gets really hard to figure out what is going on. People with low social intelligence should be encouraged to be honest too. Honesty is not a virtue just for those gifted with high emotional intelligence. We all benefit if people play win-win games instead of social poker. Someone has to lose at that game.

> If your honesty means being brutal, issue is you. "brutal honesty" does not mean physically brutal. It means not sugar coating the truth.

by boxed 3y ago

> If your honesty means being brutal, issue is you. "brutal honesty" does not mean physically brutal. It means not sugar coating the truth.

JackFr 3y ago

People who claim to be brutally honest, typically believe that the virtue of honesty somehow balances their brutality.

boxed 3y ago
Now you're making a statement of statistics though. Not about definitions. And this I agree with. But saying it as a blanket statement is too much for my taste. Children are often brutally honest. Because they literally don't know the other person will be hurt.

watwut 3y ago

I meant exactly what I wrote. If your honesty consist entirely of negative things, then it is on you. And if you cant deliver criticism or negative things without being brutal, then it is on you. There is such a thing as honest compliment, for example. And also, "brutal honesty" is fairly often euphemism for "exaggerated and emotionally laden claims". These things are not factually true nor honest, they are said and phrased for maximum negative impact.

boxed 3y ago
> If your honesty consist entirely of negative things, then it is on you. That was quite a leap you made there. You can be brutally honest and have positive things to say. In fact, positive things have higher positive impact to the recipient from such a person, since they know they aren't sugar coating.

damascus 3y ago

'Brutal honesty' and 'not sugar coating the truth' are both lines used by emotionally immature people protecting their own values and ideals. Anything that needs to be said while being "brutally honest" can also be said honestly with compassion and empathy, but that takes a lot more self-awareness and emotional skill than just emotionally vomiting on someone else and calling it 'brutal honesty'.

roenxi 3y ago
Sure. But if you demand that only people with more self-awareness and emotional skill tell difficult truth then it gets really hard to figure out what is going on. People with low social intelligence should be encouraged to be honest too. Honesty is not a virtue just for those gifted with high emotional intelligence. We all benefit if people play win-win games instead of social poker. Someone has to lose at that game.