I don't get upset: I get stuck. Then I get upset; or I just dissociate, depending on how depressed I am at that moment. If a task expects too much executive fu

I don't get upset: I get stuck. Then I get upset; or I just dissociate, depending on how depressed I am at that moment. If a task expects too much executive functioning from my ADHD brain, I literally cannot complete the task. Of course, that sounds a lot more binary than it is: my executive functioning is a product of complex neurochemical interactions. The right balance of medication might give me enough stimulation to do the thing. Stress and adrenaline might give me enough stimulation to do the thing. I might be able to get started, but get stuck halfway through. All I can say for certain (predictably) is that my brain naturally lives below that stimulation threshold. Years of living without medication (I was diagnosed in my late 20s) left my brain to create habits that try (and fail) to compensate. The main habit I have recognized is an obsession with objectivity: if I could just think about the problem enough to factor out the work, then I wouldn't need to do anything! The result is a collection of knowledge and understanding that isn't tied to experience or achievement. I'm still trying to get the hang of action: moving toward a goal. Most people can't even imagine what I'm going through. For them, inconvenience is just something they live through. For me, inconvenience is the walls of an endless maze. I would very much like to leave.