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If I’ve learned anything in my 20 year mental health journey, it’s that until you’ve addressed your childhood trauma, nothing you do will be a lasting fix for a

If I’ve learned anything in my 20 year mental health journey, it’s that until you’ve addressed your childhood trauma, nothing you do will be a lasting fix for any interpersonal issues you may have.

solarmist 3y ago
I learned this this year. I'm in my 40s.
- AndrewKemendo 3y ago
  Yeah I’m 39 and just learned it last year.
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
  - carabiner 3y ago
    That's because we all read Body Keeps the Score at the same time.
    - solarmist 3y ago
      Haven't read it yet. I guess I should.
    - AndrewKemendo 3y ago
      Close…Atlas of the Heart Along with a bunch of other more medical reading
      - solarmist 3y ago
        +1 for Atlas of the Heart, but that was more useful after I handled my childhood trauma.
- Cthulhu_ 3y ago
  I think a lot of people would benefit from getting some counceling in their earlier adult years, although on the other hand they may not be ready yet / not see any issues yet. I'm late 30's and same btw.
  - solarmist 3y ago
    I can attest to that. I got an ADHD diagnosis 8 years ago and it wasn’t until last year that I realized it was cPTSD. In fact, I was proud of being so “responsible” as a kid, not that I was neglected and parentified.
boppo1 3y ago
>addressed your childhood trauma This is pretty frustrating as 90s-kid who had a Good Childhood™ and struggles with interpersonal issues. I have a close friend from childhood who also had quite a Good Childhood™ and he can't shut up about "trauma" and it seems like every two years he has this big epiphany about how he addressed some "trauma" he was previously repressing and how now that he's done so he's All Better Now™. His behavior and overall life outcomes do not have any correlation with these epiphanies. Both of our lives absolutely pale in comparison to the lives of average children in previous generations in terms of 'trauma'. Minimal bullying, no fights, always plenty of toys and food, loving parents, etc. I know some people with real, legitimate trauma (verbal and physical abuse) and they said that visiting a therapist really helped them to feel a lot better. In such cases of legitimate trauma, I agree that one should do something about it if it's making you feel bad. However, many of those people were already. interpersonally excellent before and after 'addressing' their trauma. I have had people (including the friend from the first paragraph) suggest I need to "work on my childhood trauma" but really and honestly I can't think of a single thing that was legitimately traumatic. I could take my worst experiences, which I have moved on from and don't feel any need[0] to think about, and inflate them, but I'm pretty sure that would be creating a new psychological problem. [0]I don't feel any hesitance to thinking about them either. I can sit and ponder them for a whole afternoon if I like, without emotional fluctuation. They're just memories.
- EGreg 3y ago
  I sometimes like to say the facts out loud and challenge people so here it goes. We live in the safest, least racist, least sexist, least antisemitic generation in history. At the same time, automation and productivity has reduced demand for human labor, and people increasingly can’t afford the rent. Perhaps the answer to many disparities isn’t systemic sexism, racism etc. but economic factors. Whatever you are worried about, your grandparents had it much worse. Also, let’s improve our systems to stop polluting the environment and destroying ecosystems for corporate profit at the expense of future generations. That’s the major issue of our day, far bigger than climate change.
  - robotresearcher 3y ago
throwanem 3y ago
If you've learned anything in your 20-year mental health journey, I hope it would be that not everyone is exactly like you, nor needs the same things you need. It's remarkably self-centered to assume the prescription that's suited you is exactly right for everyone else, don't you think?
- AndrewKemendo 3y ago
  That’s also definitely true! Some people are lucky to not have significant childhood trauma which means it was never needing to be resolved
  - throwanem 3y ago
    And some people are aware that "all interpersonal conflict derives ultimately from unresolved childhood trauma" is one school of thought among many, and no more guaranteed to offer anything generally dispositive than any other. If it worked for you, that's great! No joke, that's fantastic. But not for nothing, too, is there the old joke about the guy who just started a 12-step program and now no sooner sees someone take a drink in a bar but assumes they're an alcoholic.
- linster 3y ago
  Wow that’s a pile-on. “What works for you only works for you, so you might not have discovered that it works for anything else, but only if you were really paying attention.”

solarmist 3y ago

I learned this this year. I'm in my 40s.

AndrewKemendo 3y ago
Yeah I’m 39 and just learned it last year.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- carabiner 3y ago
  That's because we all read Body Keeps the Score at the same time.
  - solarmist 3y ago
    Haven't read it yet. I guess I should.
  - AndrewKemendo 3y ago
    Close…Atlas of the Heart Along with a bunch of other more medical reading
    - solarmist 3y ago
      +1 for Atlas of the Heart, but that was more useful after I handled my childhood trauma.
Cthulhu_ 3y ago
I think a lot of people would benefit from getting some counceling in their earlier adult years, although on the other hand they may not be ready yet / not see any issues yet. I'm late 30's and same btw.
- solarmist 3y ago
  I can attest to that. I got an ADHD diagnosis 8 years ago and it wasn’t until last year that I realized it was cPTSD. In fact, I was proud of being so “responsible” as a kid, not that I was neglected and parentified.

boppo1 3y ago

>addressed your childhood trauma This is pretty frustrating as 90s-kid who had a Good Childhood™ and struggles with interpersonal issues. I have a close friend from childhood who also had quite a Good Childhood™ and he can't shut up about "trauma" and it seems like every two years he has this big epiphany about how he addressed some "trauma" he was previously repressing and how now that he's done so he's All Better Now™. His behavior and overall life outcomes do not have any correlation with these epiphanies. Both of our lives absolutely pale in comparison to the lives of average children in previous generations in terms of 'trauma'. Minimal bullying, no fights, always plenty of toys and food, loving parents, etc. I know some people with real, legitimate trauma (verbal and physical abuse) and they said that visiting a therapist really helped them to feel a lot better. In such cases of legitimate trauma, I agree that one should do something about it if it's making you feel bad. However, many of those people were already. interpersonally excellent before and after 'addressing' their trauma. I have had people (including the friend from the first paragraph) suggest I need to "work on my childhood trauma" but really and honestly I can't think of a single thing that was legitimately traumatic. I could take my worst experiences, which I have moved on from and don't feel any need[0] to think about, and inflate them, but I'm pretty sure that would be creating a new psychological problem. [0]I don't feel any hesitance to thinking about them either. I can sit and ponder them for a whole afternoon if I like, without emotional fluctuation. They're just memories.

EGreg 3y ago
I sometimes like to say the facts out loud and challenge people so here it goes. We live in the safest, least racist, least sexist, least antisemitic generation in history. At the same time, automation and productivity has reduced demand for human labor, and people increasingly can’t afford the rent. Perhaps the answer to many disparities isn’t systemic sexism, racism etc. but economic factors. Whatever you are worried about, your grandparents had it much worse. Also, let’s improve our systems to stop polluting the environment and destroying ecosystems for corporate profit at the expense of future generations. That’s the major issue of our day, far bigger than climate change.
- robotresearcher 3y ago

throwanem 3y ago

If you've learned anything in your 20-year mental health journey, I hope it would be that not everyone is exactly like you, nor needs the same things you need. It's remarkably self-centered to assume the prescription that's suited you is exactly right for everyone else, don't you think?

AndrewKemendo 3y ago
That’s also definitely true! Some people are lucky to not have significant childhood trauma which means it was never needing to be resolved
- throwanem 3y ago
  And some people are aware that "all interpersonal conflict derives ultimately from unresolved childhood trauma" is one school of thought among many, and no more guaranteed to offer anything generally dispositive than any other. If it worked for you, that's great! No joke, that's fantastic. But not for nothing, too, is there the old joke about the guy who just started a 12-step program and now no sooner sees someone take a drink in a bar but assumes they're an alcoholic.
linster 3y ago
Wow that’s a pile-on. “What works for you only works for you, so you might not have discovered that it works for anything else, but only if you were really paying attention.”