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Did you move into an affluent & predominantly white neighborhood? I will probably get shit for this, but this has been the norm in those from my experience. Af

Did you move into an affluent & predominantly white neighborhood? I will probably get shit for this, but this has been the norm in those from my experience. After I got into tech I lived in a couple of them for five years then just gave up and moved back to the underdeveloped part of the city I grew up in, where people are willing to acknowledge each other.

catchnear4321 3y ago
here’s your counter-point. now the sample size is two. lived in a diverse, affluent, tech/corpo neighborhood, most neighbors ignored or were passive aggressive - the kind where you know you aren’t being ignored because the behavior is too egregious to not be aware of the impact. you aren’t being ignored, you aren’t worth ignoring. lived in an older, affluent neighborhood. four neighbors that would likely be described as caucasian regardless of their names or backgrounds were nothing but kind, offering to help the first time we interacted. lived in an older, rural, poor neighborhood. most folks would stop and talk if you were outside, see how stuff is going. place was shit. some of the folks were gold. the issue isn’t the skin color, the wallet fullness, the religion, or the race. you can look any which way and be an asshole on the inside. you can have a lot or a lot of nothing, and be an asshole. affluence just let’s the asshole shine through a bit more. after all, the asshole deserves a lot, and the money is proof. larger cities develop these little bubbles of halfluence - starter mcmansions for the white collar “elite,” close to their cubicle farms or at least a fat internet pipe and a starbucks within uber. the environment is shit - these aren’t actually elites - so the individuals tend to act up in their burbclaves. established vs gentrified might be a better distinction. established doesn’t always mean affluent, but it does have a different sort of wealth.
- giraffe_lady 3y ago
  Yes I was using those as lazy shorthands to avoid litigating the exact definitions or having to account for all of the nuance elided by them. They're affiliations and trends, not geo-destiny. Historical immigrant enclaves specifically tend to be really interesting counterexamples, one way or another.
- thewildginger 3y ago
  Being Established not meaning specifically wealth, I like that
- red-iron-pine 3y ago
  > established vs gentrified might be a better distinction. established doesn’t always mean affluent, but it does have a different sort of wealth. long term residents vs. new blood. different motivations and world view, and playing different games. i'm in a well off 'burb next to a university, no one talks. lots of community leagues, posters about clubs, etc. but none of the neighbors interact. lots of renters, med students, et al, and they'll be gone in 3 years. previous neighborhood was a poorer downtown apartment neighborhood owned by old italian ladies. they didn't do management companies or automated rent transfers, they made a point to come around every month, both to collect, but also to check in. they genuinely cared about knowing people, and wanted us to talk to each other -- helped prevent things like break-ins and accidental fires, etc.
rootusrootus 3y ago
Not the person you responded to, but I'll bite. I live in an affluent nearly all-white suburban neighborhood. I know everyone within two houses in any direction, and a few that are even farther than that. We have one recluse and one Karen, but everyone else is super laid back. It's delightful. I've lived in a range of neighborhoods over my life, and I haven't really seen a pattern. My gut instinct is that attitude is contagious, and friendly neighborhoods have (or had) someone who spreads the love. People reflect the way they are treated.
- giraffe_lady 3y ago
  No shade but I'd like to hear from one of the non-white neighbors about how delightful it is? I do generally assume the white people living in all-white places are having a good time with it.
  - deodar 3y ago
    I'm non-white. My friendliest and kindest neighbor is white, an old timer who has been in the same house for over 50 years. His wife bakes cakes for us and they share produce from their vegetable patch. The only other neighbor who talks to me regularly is also white. He is also from an "older" generation with grown up kids who have moved away. The rest of the neighbors are a younger and more diverse crowd who have moved here within the last decade. A few of them will wave hi occasionally. More commonly they will avoid eye contact. IMO it is a generational thing and not racial.
  - rootusrootus 3y ago
    I've never felt quite that comfortable that I'd ask. Our token black family is a pair of lawyers who seem plenty affluent and comfortable, and they certainly socialize with the rest of the neighborhood as much as anyone else. Are they consciously aware of their minority status? I imagine so. I feel the same way when I'm the only white person in a black neighborhood. It's a pretty laid back neighborhood, and I've seen zero indication that anyone here is racist. But this is the PNW, and while our history is far from crystal clean, we mostly don't have anything like the tension that is normal in areas of the country farther south.
nemo44x 3y ago
I'm not sure race or affluence has anything to do with it so much as how the place you're living is designed. There needs to be a reason for people to walk - like going to some shops, the train, nice parks, etc. When you have that then people see each other often and recognize each other and say hi and stop and chat for a few minutes. And some of those relationships grow as you find out you have certain shared interests (kids, hobbies, etc) and someone gets the courage to invite the others over for a BBQ with some others and it's nice. And it becomes contagious as people begin to blend and the next thing you know the entire block you live on, most everyone knows most everyone else. But if you live in a place where there's nothing walkable and walking isn't even encouraged (no sidewalks, etc) then people don't really leave their back yards. Everyone is isolated. And to be sure this is what a good deal of people want. But if you want community and getting to know each other then you need to live in a place that encourages walking around.
- giraffe_lady 3y ago
  I'm sure you're right but I've never lived in a suburb. Even in the dense urban neighborhoods of my experience there is a big difference. Car ownership & use may play a role though. The wealthier neighborhoods are more walkable & bikeable and closer to transit but still have more people with cars, more space taken up by garages.
anon291 3y ago
I live in a predominantly white extremely rich neighborhood in Portland. We even have a private club that costs thousands to belong to ( one of these fancy social clubs... We do not belong to it). Anyway... No this is not the norm. My neighborhood is extremely social and has constant get togethers. I agree with the comments on 'half fluence'. I have some friends who've moved in to newer developments. Those neighborhoods are much less social. Ours is more established.

catchnear4321 3y ago

here’s your counter-point. now the sample size is two. lived in a diverse, affluent, tech/corpo neighborhood, most neighbors ignored or were passive aggressive - the kind where you know you aren’t being ignored because the behavior is too egregious to not be aware of the impact. you aren’t being ignored, you aren’t worth ignoring. lived in an older, affluent neighborhood. four neighbors that would likely be described as caucasian regardless of their names or backgrounds were nothing but kind, offering to help the first time we interacted. lived in an older, rural, poor neighborhood. most folks would stop and talk if you were outside, see how stuff is going. place was shit. some of the folks were gold. the issue isn’t the skin color, the wallet fullness, the religion, or the race. you can look any which way and be an asshole on the inside. you can have a lot or a lot of nothing, and be an asshole. affluence just let’s the asshole shine through a bit more. after all, the asshole deserves a lot, and the money is proof. larger cities develop these little bubbles of halfluence - starter mcmansions for the white collar “elite,” close to their cubicle farms or at least a fat internet pipe and a starbucks within uber. the environment is shit - these aren’t actually elites - so the individuals tend to act up in their burbclaves. established vs gentrified might be a better distinction. established doesn’t always mean affluent, but it does have a different sort of wealth.

giraffe_lady 3y ago
Yes I was using those as lazy shorthands to avoid litigating the exact definitions or having to account for all of the nuance elided by them. They're affiliations and trends, not geo-destiny. Historical immigrant enclaves specifically tend to be really interesting counterexamples, one way or another.
thewildginger 3y ago
Being Established not meaning specifically wealth, I like that
red-iron-pine 3y ago
> established vs gentrified might be a better distinction. established doesn’t always mean affluent, but it does have a different sort of wealth. long term residents vs. new blood. different motivations and world view, and playing different games. i'm in a well off 'burb next to a university, no one talks. lots of community leagues, posters about clubs, etc. but none of the neighbors interact. lots of renters, med students, et al, and they'll be gone in 3 years. previous neighborhood was a poorer downtown apartment neighborhood owned by old italian ladies. they didn't do management companies or automated rent transfers, they made a point to come around every month, both to collect, but also to check in. they genuinely cared about knowing people, and wanted us to talk to each other -- helped prevent things like break-ins and accidental fires, etc.

rootusrootus 3y ago

Not the person you responded to, but I'll bite. I live in an affluent nearly all-white suburban neighborhood. I know everyone within two houses in any direction, and a few that are even farther than that. We have one recluse and one Karen, but everyone else is super laid back. It's delightful. I've lived in a range of neighborhoods over my life, and I haven't really seen a pattern. My gut instinct is that attitude is contagious, and friendly neighborhoods have (or had) someone who spreads the love. People reflect the way they are treated.

giraffe_lady 3y ago
No shade but I'd like to hear from one of the non-white neighbors about how delightful it is? I do generally assume the white people living in all-white places are having a good time with it.
- deodar 3y ago
  I'm non-white. My friendliest and kindest neighbor is white, an old timer who has been in the same house for over 50 years. His wife bakes cakes for us and they share produce from their vegetable patch. The only other neighbor who talks to me regularly is also white. He is also from an "older" generation with grown up kids who have moved away. The rest of the neighbors are a younger and more diverse crowd who have moved here within the last decade. A few of them will wave hi occasionally. More commonly they will avoid eye contact. IMO it is a generational thing and not racial.
- rootusrootus 3y ago
  I've never felt quite that comfortable that I'd ask. Our token black family is a pair of lawyers who seem plenty affluent and comfortable, and they certainly socialize with the rest of the neighborhood as much as anyone else. Are they consciously aware of their minority status? I imagine so. I feel the same way when I'm the only white person in a black neighborhood. It's a pretty laid back neighborhood, and I've seen zero indication that anyone here is racist. But this is the PNW, and while our history is far from crystal clean, we mostly don't have anything like the tension that is normal in areas of the country farther south.

nemo44x 3y ago

I'm not sure race or affluence has anything to do with it so much as how the place you're living is designed. There needs to be a reason for people to walk - like going to some shops, the train, nice parks, etc. When you have that then people see each other often and recognize each other and say hi and stop and chat for a few minutes. And some of those relationships grow as you find out you have certain shared interests (kids, hobbies, etc) and someone gets the courage to invite the others over for a BBQ with some others and it's nice. And it becomes contagious as people begin to blend and the next thing you know the entire block you live on, most everyone knows most everyone else. But if you live in a place where there's nothing walkable and walking isn't even encouraged (no sidewalks, etc) then people don't really leave their back yards. Everyone is isolated. And to be sure this is what a good deal of people want. But if you want community and getting to know each other then you need to live in a place that encourages walking around.

giraffe_lady 3y ago
I'm sure you're right but I've never lived in a suburb. Even in the dense urban neighborhoods of my experience there is a big difference. Car ownership & use may play a role though. The wealthier neighborhoods are more walkable & bikeable and closer to transit but still have more people with cars, more space taken up by garages.

anon291 3y ago

I live in a predominantly white extremely rich neighborhood in Portland. We even have a private club that costs thousands to belong to ( one of these fancy social clubs... We do not belong to it). Anyway... No this is not the norm. My neighborhood is extremely social and has constant get togethers. I agree with the comments on 'half fluence'. I have some friends who've moved in to newer developments. Those neighborhoods are much less social. Ours is more established.