4 ms·

Not sure why this is downvoted. Your assumption could be wrong and categorically ruling that out without giving any real reasons means you likely are. Either wa

Not sure why this is downvoted. Your assumption could be wrong and categorically ruling that out without giving any real reasons means you likely are. Either way its far from a respectful attitude and doing that on shaky grounds is even worse. At best your opinion is incomplete. It overlooks that people often take faked niceties quite bad. Like the parent post. And are not free but require mental effort. With humans not really doing multi tasking. And while a positive attitude is healthier all around, we are talking work environment here. I shouldnt need to worry if somebody thinks a short and precise "Yes!" could be impolite or sarcastic. Its an accurate response and i shouldnt have to worry about babysitting your interpretation. Seeing as we are all working together give me the benefit of the doubt. Its as simple as that. And if you figure that to be misplaced, do inform me as i might be overlooking something. That wont be a difficult conversation, i will be grateful. edit: I would also be really worried how likely difficult conversations will be in such an environment. No amount of sugarcoating makes you fine with me kicking your favorite feature. And it might need kicking, no matter how attached you are. edit1: In case it helps, the reason people take fake niceties in the workplace so badly is because it selfishly increases the required effort from everyone else to meet the bar you already set rather high. When considering what is acceptable people now have to plan around you lying. Instead of cooperation you are getting managed because you require too much effort and dont say what you want for which reasons. Downvotes make a lot of sense seeing as he responded to the wrong post (ketzo was the post referenced)

watwut 3y ago
The above does not sound like fake nicety to me. More like pure passive aggression and condescending way to tell you you are wrong.
- cf141q5325 3y ago
  I fail to see the distinction and its relevance. At that point we are discussing intention (stupidity vs malice) which makes it little better then analyzing for sarcasm. Benefit of the doubt goes both ways and the most charitable take is bad enough.
  - watwut 3y ago
    Fake nicety - I pretend to be your friend or thankful or praise you while not thinking much of you. Passive aggression - I am intentionally trying to insult you or be condescending to you or stanf in your way while keeping plausible deniality. Intention matters. The above sentence does nit sound like someone pretending to be nice or think well of you. It sounds like someone telling you they don't think much of you, while trying to make it harder for you to address the disagreement.
    - cf141q5325 3y ago
      Thanks for the elaboration, i meant i fail to see the distinction beyond intention. Since determining intention is error prone and unreliable giving the benefit of the doubt might still be a beneficial strategy. Even with you giving a good description of the problems that incurs. I think it boils down to what kind of costs are at stake. False positive for negative intention leads to conflict and breakdown of cooperation, while entertaining a passive aggressive person increases the burden on you in favor of continued cooperation and additional information. While a direct stop is beneficial for short games, reducing false positives is beneficial for productive long games and comes at only temporary costs. Or differently put, while stupidity is not always the better explanation then malice, assuming stupidity first can be beneficial regardless. If people are then unwilling or unable to fix stupid it becomes another discussion. But those false positives sum up quickly.
      - watwut 3y ago
        If you do not push back agains the above, it will be read as "you was wrong or overly emotional" by third parties on the meeting. That is after all what you was accused of. If you are negotiating, you will be at worst position. Moreover, the regular insults and unaddressed put downs will accumulate. If you accept communication like that, over time you will loose confidence or at least become more passive and weak at asserting your needs or opinions. Intention matters for the response. If you treat passive aggression or thinly veiled insult as something genuine or harmless fake compliment, you are in for a very bad time. Because you will be target of more and more of it. You need to stop or adress the dynamic, directly or indirectly.

watwut 3y ago

The above does not sound like fake nicety to me. More like pure passive aggression and condescending way to tell you you are wrong.

cf141q5325 3y ago
I fail to see the distinction and its relevance. At that point we are discussing intention (stupidity vs malice) which makes it little better then analyzing for sarcasm. Benefit of the doubt goes both ways and the most charitable take is bad enough.
- watwut 3y ago
  Fake nicety - I pretend to be your friend or thankful or praise you while not thinking much of you. Passive aggression - I am intentionally trying to insult you or be condescending to you or stanf in your way while keeping plausible deniality. Intention matters. The above sentence does nit sound like someone pretending to be nice or think well of you. It sounds like someone telling you they don't think much of you, while trying to make it harder for you to address the disagreement.
  - cf141q5325 3y ago
    Thanks for the elaboration, i meant i fail to see the distinction beyond intention. Since determining intention is error prone and unreliable giving the benefit of the doubt might still be a beneficial strategy. Even with you giving a good description of the problems that incurs. I think it boils down to what kind of costs are at stake. False positive for negative intention leads to conflict and breakdown of cooperation, while entertaining a passive aggressive person increases the burden on you in favor of continued cooperation and additional information. While a direct stop is beneficial for short games, reducing false positives is beneficial for productive long games and comes at only temporary costs. Or differently put, while stupidity is not always the better explanation then malice, assuming stupidity first can be beneficial regardless. If people are then unwilling or unable to fix stupid it becomes another discussion. But those false positives sum up quickly.
    - watwut 3y ago
      If you do not push back agains the above, it will be read as "you was wrong or overly emotional" by third parties on the meeting. That is after all what you was accused of. If you are negotiating, you will be at worst position. Moreover, the regular insults and unaddressed put downs will accumulate. If you accept communication like that, over time you will loose confidence or at least become more passive and weak at asserting your needs or opinions. Intention matters for the response. If you treat passive aggression or thinly veiled insult as something genuine or harmless fake compliment, you are in for a very bad time. Because you will be target of more and more of it. You need to stop or adress the dynamic, directly or indirectly.