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> It’s not about you or anything you did. It’s a “them” problem. It’s much easier to consider a conflict a “them” problem. That’s most people’s default. I’ve h
by awb 3y ago
> It’s not about you or anything you did. It’s a “them” problem.
It’s much easier to consider a conflict a “them” problem. That’s most people’s default. I’ve heard thousands of people complain about “them”, but they were never being abused or bullied.
Instead you probably want to default to a conflict resolution attempt, or two or three, or whatever your tolerance is with that person. If those don’t work, then it’s an “us” problem. You tried your best, which is all you can control but the result isn’t working for you and that’s OK. The other person doesn’t have to change and neither do you, but you don’t need to work at it anymore if you’ve given all you’re willing to give.
- softwaredoug 3y agoThat’s exactly right When I say “difficult people” I define it as you’ve put in energy over time and it hasn’t been reciprocated. The other side hasn’t owned their part. Can’t admit mistakes after you have. But really if you’ve given it a go, and it just feels not great, unsafe, icky, whatever. Just trust your gut. Don’t overanalyze it.
- watwut 3y agoYou don't need to be abused or bullied for something to he genuinely "them" problem. And I can confirm that being taught that you should adapt to everyone around and responsible for managing them is actively harmful for you.