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How about I just praise them if I genuinely feel they deserve it instead of picking and choosing when to praise in attempt to mold them into something I want th
by corethree 3y ago
How about I just praise them if I genuinely feel they deserve it instead of picking and choosing when to praise in attempt to mold them into something I want them to be.
- jewayne 3y agoYou're picking and choosing in either circumstance, and attempting to mold them in either circumstance.
- corethree 3y agoNo conscious choice. I just let my emotions guide the praising. Let fate mold them.
- gsinclair 3y agoA judicious balance of “what comes naturally” and “what research shows is a good idea” is probably best.
- corethree 3y agoWhat research. And what is the definition of best? Generally speaking eons of evolution has shaped "what comes naturally" to be the parenting traits most effective at enabling survival of the fittest or some other trait that enables mass propagation of genes. But survival of the fittest is just one possible definition of "best".
- lazyasciiart 3y agoYou think your subconscious is “fate”?
- corethree 3y agoJust an expression. I don't use conscious choice. Subconscious choice is more similar to what we understand as fate.
- jorpal 3y agoAuthenticity is important. Praising effort because you read it improves outcomes, even if you internally don’t think it’s praiseworthy, would be inauthentic and eventually degrade your relationship in my opinion. However I’ve been amazed by my daughter for multiple reasons simultaneously. I’ve seen her solve a problem and thought to myself “wow she is so clever and persistent”, then mainly focus on one of those aspects when discussing it later.
- corethree 3y agoEvery parent thinks their kid is some kind of genius. It's a universal instinct that makes kids get more praise then they actually deserve. Run with it. If nature makes you feel that way then "more praise then she actually deserves" is a valid method. Maybe she actually deserves it, but most likely she is average and you're just playing out what every average parent feels.
- P_I_Staker 3y agoIt's also nonsense. Who cares if you go through some pointless motions of pretending to be a hard worker? If it comes easy, why not just let it be. For some people it comes easy simply because they are interested in it. Forcing them into busywork is purpose defeating. Demanding that someone go do meaningless work so they don't get to coast, while a different student has to bust their ass, is absurd. IMO that's often what it is. Teachers get frustrated by underachievers, and how they're often more successful than people that work very hard. It's not fair, and it hurts to see, but that's life.