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There are some good ideas here, but it's a false dichotomy. The key takeaway should be, don't tell children they're fundamentally bad at something. This is diff

There are some good ideas here, but it's a false dichotomy. The key takeaway should be, don't tell children they're fundamentally bad at something. This is different than not praising ability. Effort is important, but it can be wasted. Low effort high results is more important than raw effort. Effort and ability are equally important. Now, think about ability itself. This is the recognition of an individual to be able to perform results. However, it confuses the results with the child. Results are what is important, and without them there is no ability. It's wasted ability. So instead of praising ability directly, I'd suggest praising results. Effort + results. Telling a child they are bad at something is also important. They may need to be told this so they can improve, but this is the crucial bit. They need to have a path open to improve. People change. If you say they cannot enough, and they believe it, they truly cannot.

JenrHywy 3y ago
This is a good point. In practice, you need to acknowledge effort, ability and outcome. If you're thinking about areas of study or work, you really want to pick something you enjoy where you can produce quality outcomes and that almost always means ability + effort. One of my kids basically sailed through his first 12 years of schooling on pure ability and zero effort. He's now learning the hard way that innate talent only gets you so far. His brother doesn't have the same innate academic ability, but is a natural grinder. He's finding the later years of schooling are easy to adapt to because he can pick things he's good at and knows how to put in the effort. In terms of praise, we over-index on effort because it's a cross-cutting concern. This is especially true at younger ages where kids can't choose what they're studying. So if they get a C in French but maxed out all the effort criteria, I'm more than happy with that - and it's something for them to keep in mind when they're picking subjects later down the line.

JenrHywy 3y ago

This is a good point. In practice, you need to acknowledge effort, ability and outcome. If you're thinking about areas of study or work, you really want to pick something you enjoy where you can produce quality outcomes and that almost always means ability + effort. One of my kids basically sailed through his first 12 years of schooling on pure ability and zero effort. He's now learning the hard way that innate talent only gets you so far. His brother doesn't have the same innate academic ability, but is a natural grinder. He's finding the later years of schooling are easy to adapt to because he can pick things he's good at and knows how to put in the effort. In terms of praise, we over-index on effort because it's a cross-cutting concern. This is especially true at younger ages where kids can't choose what they're studying. So if they get a C in French but maxed out all the effort criteria, I'm more than happy with that - and it's something for them to keep in mind when they're picking subjects later down the line.