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My most valuable piece of advice for parents is to keep your children informed about your plans for the day, especially things about to happen soon, and bear in

My most valuable piece of advice for parents is to keep your children informed about your plans for the day, especially things about to happen soon, and bear in mind that kids have their own plans and time schedules (and don't wear watches). For instance, if you are about to go out, give them fair warning and a few reminders. Especially the all-important: if you need to save your game, you need to do it now. Similarly, if kids are taking turns with toys, your kid might be patiently waiting their turn. To be suddenly yanked away before their turn will, quite rightly, feel like an injustice. I used to tell them all that if its someone's turn coming up that they should get to have it before we leave. Kids are usually fair in these circumstances. These simple rules meant my kids never had leaving tantrums, and rarely had tantrums at all.

watwut 3y ago
I found out the same thing. There were still tamptrums with mine, but significantly less of them. However, when they know we leave in 10 minutes, they expect that and leaving is easy. And thinking about it, even adults get angry if you demand they do something RIGHT NOW at random moment. Even adults want to know in advance, finish youtube video or page of the book.
- swader999 3y ago
  This is the only way we could ever leave a playground.
ZephyrBlu 3y ago
I feel like if we treated kids a little bit more like adults, things would be much better. These reactions are pretty reasonable relatively speaking, kids are just not quite as adept at navigating reality as adults are. With a little help they can be pretty good though.
- andrepd 3y ago
  Oh absolutely. One of the lessons of e.g. Montessori education is that treating kids as grownups will lead to them acting as grownups.
  - hsjqllzlfkf 3y ago
    Let me guess, you're from the UK.
    - andrepd 3y ago
      Definitely not, though I'm not sure what's that supposed to mean.
      - hsjqllzlfkf 3y ago
        Dunno, I always thought that treating children with respect was common sense. When I got to the UK all of a sudden this is such a ground breaking idea, everyone calls it "Montessori". What a revolutionary concept!
        andrepd 3y ago
        Well if in your household children were treated "as adults" (relatively speaking, within reason, etc), then you're in the far far minority x) And not just UK, think of all cultures around the world from Hispanic to Chinese.
- makeitdouble 3y ago
  Yes and no. I think we should at least treat them as intelligent beings and give them enough information to understand the world around them. "As adults" though is super difficult to balance. They'll still do illogical things (you can explain its cold outside and they need a coat, they'll still get out in t-shirt) and need a ton of flexibility. It's kinda hard to square that they have a brain but don't use it the same way when looking at them in terms of "partially adults". My mental image is of aliens learning about our society.
  - aaomidi 3y ago
    If they’re cold they’ll learn and not do it in the future. Honestly the consequences of some actions are so basic, just let them see how it goes imo
    - makeitdouble 3y ago
      Spoiler: they don't learn until some point, when they become able to project themselves in the future and act accordingly. Many basic assumptions just don't work until their brain evolves past specific points. Some research around the subject: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0885201405000225 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S08852... [edited for clarity]
    - watwut 3y ago
      Yeah, they don't. They will be cold again and again and show Pikachu face again and again. It changes from certain age, but that is much higher age.
    - kelseyfrog 3y ago
      You would think. However, rationality is not a product of behavioralism. "Remember, you complained about being cold last time?" will be met with, "I won't be cold this time." (modulo individual interchild variation). The part of their brain that says, "you know, I was cold last time," cannot be rushed to speak.
marklubi 3y ago
I would follow on with advice that if you tell them, “we’re leaving in 10 minutes” make sure that it happens in ten minutes. I’ve seen so many other parents set expectations, and then ignore them. It sets a bad precedent that is left open to interpretation and conflict.

watwut 3y ago

I found out the same thing. There were still tamptrums with mine, but significantly less of them. However, when they know we leave in 10 minutes, they expect that and leaving is easy. And thinking about it, even adults get angry if you demand they do something RIGHT NOW at random moment. Even adults want to know in advance, finish youtube video or page of the book.

swader999 3y ago
This is the only way we could ever leave a playground.

ZephyrBlu 3y ago

I feel like if we treated kids a little bit more like adults, things would be much better. These reactions are pretty reasonable relatively speaking, kids are just not quite as adept at navigating reality as adults are. With a little help they can be pretty good though.

andrepd 3y ago
Oh absolutely. One of the lessons of e.g. Montessori education is that treating kids as grownups will lead to them acting as grownups.
- hsjqllzlfkf 3y ago
  Let me guess, you're from the UK.
  - andrepd 3y ago
    Definitely not, though I'm not sure what's that supposed to mean.
    - hsjqllzlfkf 3y ago
      Dunno, I always thought that treating children with respect was common sense. When I got to the UK all of a sudden this is such a ground breaking idea, everyone calls it "Montessori". What a revolutionary concept!
      - andrepd 3y ago
        Well if in your household children were treated "as adults" (relatively speaking, within reason, etc), then you're in the far far minority x) And not just UK, think of all cultures around the world from Hispanic to Chinese.
makeitdouble 3y ago
Yes and no. I think we should at least treat them as intelligent beings and give them enough information to understand the world around them. "As adults" though is super difficult to balance. They'll still do illogical things (you can explain its cold outside and they need a coat, they'll still get out in t-shirt) and need a ton of flexibility. It's kinda hard to square that they have a brain but don't use it the same way when looking at them in terms of "partially adults". My mental image is of aliens learning about our society.
- aaomidi 3y ago
  If they’re cold they’ll learn and not do it in the future. Honestly the consequences of some actions are so basic, just let them see how it goes imo
  - makeitdouble 3y ago
    Spoiler: they don't learn until some point, when they become able to project themselves in the future and act accordingly. Many basic assumptions just don't work until their brain evolves past specific points. Some research around the subject: https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S0885201405000225 https://www.sciencedirect.com/science/article/abs/pii/S08852... [edited for clarity]
  - watwut 3y ago
    Yeah, they don't. They will be cold again and again and show Pikachu face again and again. It changes from certain age, but that is much higher age.
  - kelseyfrog 3y ago
    You would think. However, rationality is not a product of behavioralism. "Remember, you complained about being cold last time?" will be met with, "I won't be cold this time." (modulo individual interchild variation). The part of their brain that says, "you know, I was cold last time," cannot be rushed to speak.

marklubi 3y ago

I would follow on with advice that if you tell them, “we’re leaving in 10 minutes” make sure that it happens in ten minutes. I’ve seen so many other parents set expectations, and then ignore them. It sets a bad precedent that is left open to interpretation and conflict.