> they can still fail >> Of course. I never wrote otherwise. I did not mean to imply that you did (: You touched on a general topic, and I was speaking to th

> they can still fail >> Of course. I never wrote otherwise. I did not mean to imply that you did (: You touched on a general topic, and I was speaking to that, more than your specific words. > successful people ... blamed themselves for the failures I'm sure that's true. But I'm trying to draw a thin, wiggly line between awareness of room for improvement (usually more on a rational level), and blame/judgement (usually more on an emotional level). The former is great, the latter not so much. I'd wager that there are also a whole lot of un-successful people who blamed themselves for their failures, even if they could do no better. People who hate themselves. People who are unhappy. My commentary is more directed at those people and those who would care about them, than the ones you mention. > taking responsibility ... you can succeed by learning This definitely straddles the wiggly line (: One one side is "taking responsibility," and on the other is "it's your fault." Certainly one should internalize the lesson. But hopefully not the shame/blame. Perhaps neither you nor your successful acquaintences suffer from this affliction, but in my experience many do. I realize that some people are lazy and looking for excuses to escape responsibility, so perhaps you see my viewpoint as somehow enabling or encouraging that bad behavior. I just want to point out that there are downsides in the other direction too, if taken to puritanical extremes. And I daresay the "being lazy is bad" side of the argument gets a whole lot more headspace in our culture than the "it's okay, there's nothing wrong with you" side. Hence my attempt to bring some balance. > You could consider it like airliners ... > ride a bike the first time ... The thing about airlines is that they operate in a very carefully crafted environment. Planes stay away from each other, are generally aware of each other (notwithstanding that friggin' biplane without a radio that cut me off on downwind... grr), have high maintenance standards, etc. etc. Real life can be much more dense/messy/fast-moving/full of unknowns, I find. You do not always get the luxury of knowing the variables involved. But the problem with both of your examples is that they assume you can learn and try again. And that's not always the case. What if you're a passenger on one of those airliners that crashes? What should you have done better, personally? Born in a poor country? Sorry, no re-try. Born with a damaged brain or body? Sorry, no re-try. Have abusive parents? Maybe a few can pull themselves out (probably mostly by luck or the help of others), but it will have lifelong effects. You get the idea. And those examples are extreme; there are myriad other "softer" struggles people have, with varying levels of control. Depression comes to mind. So, in conclusion, my whole long-winded reply is just trying to say: sometimes people (like you) express the "you have nobody to blame but yourself" attitude, with good intentions, directed at the sort of enabled people you were talking about, but it gets applied to other people, with heart-wrenching effects.