I had a similar experience for a few years, although not as bad as you had it I think. I would also regularly fantasise about killing the bullies. My tormente

I had a similar experience for a few years, although not as bad as you had it I think. I would also regularly fantasise about killing the bullies. My tormenters eased off as we got older though. Some of the worst had been expelled by then for assaulting teachers. I was still mostly a social outcast but acquired a weird kind of nerd cool.