4 ms·

Having friends is an expensive hobby in money and time.

sfpotter 3y ago
This is a horrible framing, and in fact, not even true.
haswell 3y ago
Eating healthy food is an expensive hobby in money and time. Do it because it is important. Spending time with friends is only as expensive as you choose to make it. Most of the time, I’m riding the bike I already paid for to a public park or to a restaurant I would have eaten at anyway. Human social connection is a pretty critical component of a psychologically healthy life.
more_corn 3y ago
None of my friends charge me $200/hr. Maybe you have therapy and friends mixed up? Or are your friends perhaps ladies of the night? Not that there’s anything wrong with visiting ladies if the night. I often wonder if that might be cheaper than therapy. I just worry that if they’re charging you, they might not be the most genuine of friends.
- ReactiveJelly 3y ago
  I didn't mean to imply that one substitutes for the other. I meant literally that having friends, with or without therapy, is expensive
- watwut 3y ago
  I think it is that you need to pay money to be with friends - food, drinks or activities you do together. While some groups socialize for free sitting in parks and chatting, many people do not like that. They get bored. The situation can get pretty bad if you are outlier earning less money then friends. Friends groups centered around activity cost money to participate - whether materials for crafting, sports equipment, entrance fees, whatever. Friends groups centered around partying cost money too.
chpatrick 3y ago
I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment.
hackernewds 3y ago
Equating everything with money is a downward spiral. Given time, I would spend it all with the right friends, instead of working to earn money.
ReactiveJelly 3y ago
My point is that the payoff for friendships is dubious to me. 5 people answered with a belittling tone, and I certainly don't feel any more inspired to befriend them. It makes you think.
- SanderNL 3y ago
  You don't sound like a great friend either. Doesn't make you a bad person. We don't need to be surrounded by people all the time. Maybe you are introverted like me. Just one or two people in the background is enough. Any more and it starts being a net negative.
svnt 3y ago
People are being really hard on you, but there is truth and probably painful experience in this statement. 1) Your friends may have begun to make and spend more money than you, and you cannot participate in their activities. Many people here will say “just find new friends” not realizing how different their ages, lives and skillsets may be from yours. You only have to say no a few times before you are left out. You might even feel bad every time you turn them down. 2) You may be overburdened with work to the point where your most meaningful social connections are at work. Especially if this is a startup, if you take the night off to go drinking you might not deliver on a critical contract which may cause your work friends, who may have in the interim become your only friends, as well as you, to no longer have a place of employment. Whatever it is I’m sorry you are going through this.
- CoffeeOnWrite 3y ago
  Yes. For me personally, I found the framing that “building and maintaining friendships takes time, energy, and sacrifice, but is so totally worth it for our healthy wellbeing,” very helpful to inspire me to focus on the kinds of relationships I want and justify the investment to be a better friend. GP’s comment is a wry (“hobby”) and pithy and provocative take that’s not wrong. IMO, friends are the nutritious meal that’s more expensive than friend substitutes. GP seems to have a different conclusion on cost/benefit. But nobody can deny there is a cost!
SanderNL 3y ago
I don't think you appreciate the meaning of "expensive". You know what's expensive? Marriage, kids, mortgages, illness.
- slumberlust 3y ago
  I don't think you appreciate the meaning of "expensive." You know what's expensive? Starting your own business.
  - SanderNL 3y ago
    That too can be expensive.

This is a horrible framing, and in fact, not even true.

Eating healthy food is an expensive hobby in money and time. Do it because it is important. Spending time with friends is only as expensive as you choose to make it. Most of the time, I’m riding the bike I already paid for to a public park or to a restaurant I would have eaten at anyway. Human social connection is a pretty critical component of a psychologically healthy life.

more_corn 3y ago

None of my friends charge me $200/hr. Maybe you have therapy and friends mixed up? Or are your friends perhaps ladies of the night? Not that there’s anything wrong with visiting ladies if the night. I often wonder if that might be cheaper than therapy. I just worry that if they’re charging you, they might not be the most genuine of friends.

ReactiveJelly 3y ago
I didn't mean to imply that one substitutes for the other. I meant literally that having friends, with or without therapy, is expensive
watwut 3y ago
I think it is that you need to pay money to be with friends - food, drinks or activities you do together. While some groups socialize for free sitting in parks and chatting, many people do not like that. They get bored. The situation can get pretty bad if you are outlier earning less money then friends. Friends groups centered around activity cost money to participate - whether materials for crafting, sports equipment, entrance fees, whatever. Friends groups centered around partying cost money too.

chpatrick 3y ago

I am not able rightly to apprehend the kind of confusion of ideas that could provoke such a comment.

hackernewds 3y ago

Equating everything with money is a downward spiral. Given time, I would spend it all with the right friends, instead of working to earn money.

ReactiveJelly 3y ago

My point is that the payoff for friendships is dubious to me. 5 people answered with a belittling tone, and I certainly don't feel any more inspired to befriend them. It makes you think.

SanderNL 3y ago
You don't sound like a great friend either. Doesn't make you a bad person. We don't need to be surrounded by people all the time. Maybe you are introverted like me. Just one or two people in the background is enough. Any more and it starts being a net negative.

svnt 3y ago

People are being really hard on you, but there is truth and probably painful experience in this statement. 1) Your friends may have begun to make and spend more money than you, and you cannot participate in their activities. Many people here will say “just find new friends” not realizing how different their ages, lives and skillsets may be from yours. You only have to say no a few times before you are left out. You might even feel bad every time you turn them down. 2) You may be overburdened with work to the point where your most meaningful social connections are at work. Especially if this is a startup, if you take the night off to go drinking you might not deliver on a critical contract which may cause your work friends, who may have in the interim become your only friends, as well as you, to no longer have a place of employment. Whatever it is I’m sorry you are going through this.

CoffeeOnWrite 3y ago
Yes. For me personally, I found the framing that “building and maintaining friendships takes time, energy, and sacrifice, but is so totally worth it for our healthy wellbeing,” very helpful to inspire me to focus on the kinds of relationships I want and justify the investment to be a better friend. GP’s comment is a wry (“hobby”) and pithy and provocative take that’s not wrong. IMO, friends are the nutritious meal that’s more expensive than friend substitutes. GP seems to have a different conclusion on cost/benefit. But nobody can deny there is a cost!

SanderNL 3y ago

I don't think you appreciate the meaning of "expensive". You know what's expensive? Marriage, kids, mortgages, illness.

slumberlust 3y ago
I don't think you appreciate the meaning of "expensive." You know what's expensive? Starting your own business.
- SanderNL 3y ago
  That too can be expensive.