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It's not sarcasm. I'm told that I'm lesser because I didn't get into any top schools or "deserve" the respect they get - clearly I'm doing worse than Ivy+ folks

It's not sarcasm. I'm told that I'm lesser because I didn't get into any top schools or "deserve" the respect they get - clearly I'm doing worse than Ivy+ folks.

sixstringtheory 3y ago
I think yours is less a problem of how to keep up with the joneses and more a problem of realistically evaluating your circumstances and expectations. Whoever is telling you that you aren’t good enough is trying to pull something over on you at this point. It works well on people that can never be satisfied.
- laidoffamazon 3y ago
  I think the people that told me that aren't good enough are the admissions committees of the 2 elite schools I applied to that rejected me (I only applied to 4 schools in total). They've already decided that I have no "merit".
  - sixstringtheory 3y ago
    Hardly a solid basis for self-worth. Revenge is living well, you need to get some perspective to realize you already are. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen or habitat for humanity, and don’t forget to actually talk to the people who work those jobs full time and the people they are serving.
  - MichaelZuo 3y ago
    To put it in another way, if you genuinely expect to be one of the world's major decision makers, wealthiest, etc., then yes there's close to zero prospects, given the stated background and age. But if your expectation is to have a happy life, a nice house in a decent neighbourhood, etc., then there's no reason to listen to them and self-flagellate.
    - laidoffamazon 3y ago
      Yeah, but it’s still within the realm of possibility for anyone that got into Penn or Brown or Columbia or Princeton or MIT because they are just inherently better. For the record I doubt I can have a happy life or a house in a decent neighborhood too.
      - sixstringtheory 3y ago
        > I doubt I can have a happy life or a house in a decent neighborhood too This is a pretty common worry for most people. It’s not Harvard’s responsibility to ameliorate it for every one of them.
      - pseudalopex 3y ago
        Your income at 27 exceeds 98% of Americans. A house in a decent neighborhood is within reach easily. A happy life also if you find perspective.
      - MichaelZuo 3y ago
        > Yeah, but it’s still within the realm of possibility for anyone that got into Penn or Brown or Columbia or Princeton or MIT because they are just inherently better. Not really, even the 50th percentile Harvard Law graduate, let alone Ivy league undergrads, has minimal chance of being a big shot in the world. Sure, it's many times more then someone from Iowa State, statistically, but that's idle fantasizing either way. They're a lot closer to any random office worker then supermen destined for the royal road. If, after some reflection, your still worked up about not enjoying a few tenths of a percentage chance instead of a few hundredths or thousandths, then you can always seek solace in religion/meditation/etc.
ghaff 3y ago
I have no idea who is telling you that unless it's yourself. Contrary to the impression that some people here may give you, making millions a few (or even many) years out of school is not the norm wherever you went to school. And while connections do matter to some degree among Ivy and related grads I know (and those are mostly for what many here would consider low-paid jobs in the literary industry), connections from people I've worked with at jobs have always mattered to me more or even exclusively. As I wrote, there is pedigree in some professions/positions but I'm assuming you're not looking at clerking on the Supreme Court, working for a white shoe law firm, and maybe getting a Federal Court of Appeals seat. Nor working for McKinsey.
- laidoffamazon 3y ago
  There's lots of pedigree in working in software, even if it's not as obvious as law. Amazon does not have pedigree, but Google does, Stripe does etc. It's also not surprising that the people that graduate from MIT CS and Harvard CS go to Google and Stripe and Facebook as their "backups" and not Amazon or Capital One or Northrop Grumman.
  - ghaff 3y ago
    Honestly, you're way too obsessed with pedigree in terms of companies. I've probably never worked for (or even applied for what people here would consider) a "high pedigree" (though not necessarily unknown) company over a long (and I think pretty successful by my standards) career. I somewhat surprisingly got into a really good school undergrad and good ones grad. But got rejected by plenty too. You win some. You lose some. You seem to be taking every long odds dice roll you lose as a personal affront.
    - laidoffamazon 3y ago
      I mean it feels like an affront - these people go to top schools because they want people like me out of eyesight because I don’t have “merit”. It does frankly feel personal. I would have never gotten into a good school for undergrad and have no chance at a top grad school. It just feels like it’s all over for me.

It's not sarcasm. I'm told that I'm lesser because I didn't get into any top schools or "deserve" the respect they get - clearly I'm doing worse than Ivy+ folks.

sixstringtheory 3y ago

I think yours is less a problem of how to keep up with the joneses and more a problem of realistically evaluating your circumstances and expectations. Whoever is telling you that you aren’t good enough is trying to pull something over on you at this point. It works well on people that can never be satisfied.

laidoffamazon 3y ago
I think the people that told me that aren't good enough are the admissions committees of the 2 elite schools I applied to that rejected me (I only applied to 4 schools in total). They've already decided that I have no "merit".
- sixstringtheory 3y ago
  Hardly a solid basis for self-worth. Revenge is living well, you need to get some perspective to realize you already are. Go volunteer at a soup kitchen or habitat for humanity, and don’t forget to actually talk to the people who work those jobs full time and the people they are serving.
- MichaelZuo 3y ago
  To put it in another way, if you genuinely expect to be one of the world's major decision makers, wealthiest, etc., then yes there's close to zero prospects, given the stated background and age. But if your expectation is to have a happy life, a nice house in a decent neighbourhood, etc., then there's no reason to listen to them and self-flagellate.
  - laidoffamazon 3y ago
    Yeah, but it’s still within the realm of possibility for anyone that got into Penn or Brown or Columbia or Princeton or MIT because they are just inherently better. For the record I doubt I can have a happy life or a house in a decent neighborhood too.
    - sixstringtheory 3y ago
      > I doubt I can have a happy life or a house in a decent neighborhood too This is a pretty common worry for most people. It’s not Harvard’s responsibility to ameliorate it for every one of them.
    - pseudalopex 3y ago
      Your income at 27 exceeds 98% of Americans. A house in a decent neighborhood is within reach easily. A happy life also if you find perspective.
    - MichaelZuo 3y ago
      > Yeah, but it’s still within the realm of possibility for anyone that got into Penn or Brown or Columbia or Princeton or MIT because they are just inherently better. Not really, even the 50th percentile Harvard Law graduate, let alone Ivy league undergrads, has minimal chance of being a big shot in the world. Sure, it's many times more then someone from Iowa State, statistically, but that's idle fantasizing either way. They're a lot closer to any random office worker then supermen destined for the royal road. If, after some reflection, your still worked up about not enjoying a few tenths of a percentage chance instead of a few hundredths or thousandths, then you can always seek solace in religion/meditation/etc.

ghaff 3y ago

I have no idea who is telling you that unless it's yourself. Contrary to the impression that some people here may give you, making millions a few (or even many) years out of school is not the norm wherever you went to school. And while connections do matter to some degree among Ivy and related grads I know (and those are mostly for what many here would consider low-paid jobs in the literary industry), connections from people I've worked with at jobs have always mattered to me more or even exclusively. As I wrote, there is pedigree in some professions/positions but I'm assuming you're not looking at clerking on the Supreme Court, working for a white shoe law firm, and maybe getting a Federal Court of Appeals seat. Nor working for McKinsey.

laidoffamazon 3y ago
There's lots of pedigree in working in software, even if it's not as obvious as law. Amazon does not have pedigree, but Google does, Stripe does etc. It's also not surprising that the people that graduate from MIT CS and Harvard CS go to Google and Stripe and Facebook as their "backups" and not Amazon or Capital One or Northrop Grumman.
- ghaff 3y ago
  Honestly, you're way too obsessed with pedigree in terms of companies. I've probably never worked for (or even applied for what people here would consider) a "high pedigree" (though not necessarily unknown) company over a long (and I think pretty successful by my standards) career. I somewhat surprisingly got into a really good school undergrad and good ones grad. But got rejected by plenty too. You win some. You lose some. You seem to be taking every long odds dice roll you lose as a personal affront.
  - laidoffamazon 3y ago
    I mean it feels like an affront - these people go to top schools because they want people like me out of eyesight because I don’t have “merit”. It does frankly feel personal. I would have never gotten into a good school for undergrad and have no chance at a top grad school. It just feels like it’s all over for me.