5 ms·

My mom was a hoarder. She'd buy all the pants at the thrift store that fit my brother and me, because it was hard to find pants the right size. She kept stacks

My mom was a hoarder. She'd buy all the pants at the thrift store that fit my brother and me, because it was hard to find pants the right size. She kept stacks of egg cartons for art projects. She rescued dozens of animals, who peed on the abundant pants. She bought multiple Saabs when I got my driver's license, because they have good crash survival ratings. She bought damaged vehicles at auction so the neighbors could repair and sell them. So there were just a bunch of busted cars on the property. Once when I was a kid Dad tried to clean. She begged him not to throw away a small screwdriver, saying "it's my friend." Nobody was allowed to come over because the state of the house and the property were so disgusting. I'm not a psychiatrist, but for her it seemed to be a combination of totally absent executive function, emotional attachment to inanimate objects (to which she ascribed feelings of their own), and a desire to have a stockpile from which to provide. Add to that the happy side effect of protecting all of us from visitors and the massive inertia of the hoard that made it impractical to clean up even when she was lucid, and you've got an effectively permanent state of being.

Pet_Ant 3y ago
> emotional attachment to inanimate objects (to which she ascribed feelings of their own) This I have heard is a common element amongst hoarders and observed it in a hoarding family member as well. Throwing things out was like killing a pet in front of them.
- FeteCommuniste 3y ago
  Not a hoarder but I do feel a little twinge in my heart if I see someone throw away plush toys or other things with faces. :-)
  - vikingerik 3y ago
    I get that feeling in thrift stores, where those items show up sometimes. I always wonder what the history was. Was that some child's favorite plush and how did it end up in a thrift shop, or was it overlooked and unwanted and discarded? Either way it's a twinge of sadness, yeah. Even as an adult, I still have my few favorite stuffies from childhood. I'd never part with them (it's not hoarding, just one box), but I have no idea what happens to them when I pass on. Can't bear to dispose of them or leave instructions for that, but for anyone else to keep them they'd just take up space forever.
  - mc32 3y ago
    It seems that that is appropriate. We ought to have some attachment, but also be able to rationalize and supersede emotions in order to qualify some things and then be able to say, this has little utility for me, it's time to move on. With an absence or suspension of emotion we could just become consumers who consume and dispose like a swarm of locusts.
  - Roark66 3y ago
    >Not a hoarder but I do feel a little twinge in my heart if I see someone throw away plush toys or other things with faces. :-) Interesting, I get the same, but for electronics/anything mechanical. Also the longer I have some device the more attached I get to it.
    - Obscurity4340 3y ago
      Ever seen that Ikea commericial with the rejected lamp?
      - caseyohara 3y ago
        I love that ad. It was directed by Spike Jonze, which is very fitting. "Many of you feel bad for this lamp. That is because you're crazy; it has no feelings! And the new one is much better." Here's the 2002 original and 2018 redux: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecTUnfHyj8k https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecTUnfHyj8k More info: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamp_(advertisement) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamp_(advertisement)
    - SamPatt 3y ago
      I have computers from the 90s which I will almost certainly never touch again, but they played such a big role in my young life I can't seem to toss them. I keep thinking I'll boot them back up one day and show my kids.
      - npunt 3y ago
        Same. I think it's pretty normal to want to go back and visit the physical locations of our youth to relive the memories, but if the environments we grew up in were digital we lack a tangible memory to return to, so a substitute is holding onto the systems themselves.
- deleted 3y ago
  [deleted]
- pavel_lishin 3y ago
  I'm not a hoarder... I hope... but I definitely feel this. Whenever I have to throw something away, I have to explicitly ignore that little emotional twinge, as well as that voice inside my head that says, "... you can use this for something." If that emotional twinge were too much stronger, or if that voice was too much louder, I'd be in real trouble.
- kulahan 3y ago
  I know I was close to having a hoarding disorder because I feel this way. I get a new appliance or whatever, and I feel bad that what I'm replacing is going away. It's like losing a member of the team. Anyways, I forced myself to get used to throwing stuff away because I saw where it was going and got freaked out. Maybe I would've been a really minor case had I not tried to intervene at all, if such cases exist.
hungryforcodes 3y ago
I nominate your post for this years Nobel prize in literature. That's a pretty epic description of your mom's situation.
- hungryforcodes 3y ago
  Not sure why the downvotes. It was not sarcastic.
  - tifik 3y ago
    It's a tad insensitive, and I just plain disagree.
  - w0de0 3y ago
    The flavor of Reddit in the humor. “Epic.”
    - Solvency 3y ago
      Would it be more HN appropriate had he said "your writing helped me grok your mom's disorder?"
      - burnished 3y ago
        Genuinely, yes, I think that would have been better understood written that way here.
      - LordShredda 3y ago
        [flagged]
  - gumby 3y ago
    I know you're "not supposed" to comment on downvotes but I found your comment useful -- the comment was fine, and still grey, so I upvoted it. It is true that some earnest comments can innocently be read as sarcastic.
  - 3y ago
atlantic 3y ago
Thanks for that. My Mum was almost the exact opposite to yours, but there seems to be no name for her ailment. She would move house once a year, and she would throw away a large part of everything we owned with every move. In the new house, we would often live amongst piles of cardboard boxes that never got around to being unpacked. While my Dad was alive, the books endured, but on his demise they got thrown out too. And obviously, our social circle did not survive frequent relocation.
- Solvency 3y ago
  While alive what was your dads role in this annual process? Was he involved in the decision/move/lifestyle? I've never understood family dynamics where one parent is able to absolutely control the entire equation.
  - rambojohnson 3y ago
    why would anyone want to dive into such a sensitive topic on a public forum? mind your manners.
    - Solvency 3y ago
      What? Mind my manners? The GP offered their personal anecdote in a thread of vulnerable hoarding stories. I had parents who were equally complicit in their afflictions and I'm genuinely curious about unilateral situations.
    - deleted 3y ago
      [deleted]
    - jychang 3y ago
      This is PRECISELY the type of thing that should be discussed in anonymous public forums, with the consent of the person and with neutral questions not for the sake of shaming the person who’s talking. Growth of issues in society should not be relegated to whispers in back rooms, the way baby boomers do it. That’s how you hamper scientific progress for psychology. How can people investigate an issue if it’s hidden from view? Bringing light to issues for society allows them to be solved as people understand it better. Shame on you for perpetuating toxic behavior that shames people for looking for insight into our world.
BeFlatXIII 3y ago
> totally absent executive function, emotional attachment to inanimate objects, and a desire to have a stockpile from which to provide Fuck me. I have all 3 of those warning signs. At least the emotional attachment isn't strong for most things and can be shaken with a well-placed "Will you realistically ever get around to that?"

Pet_Ant 3y ago

> emotional attachment to inanimate objects (to which she ascribed feelings of their own) This I have heard is a common element amongst hoarders and observed it in a hoarding family member as well. Throwing things out was like killing a pet in front of them.

FeteCommuniste 3y ago
Not a hoarder but I do feel a little twinge in my heart if I see someone throw away plush toys or other things with faces. :-)
- vikingerik 3y ago
  I get that feeling in thrift stores, where those items show up sometimes. I always wonder what the history was. Was that some child's favorite plush and how did it end up in a thrift shop, or was it overlooked and unwanted and discarded? Either way it's a twinge of sadness, yeah. Even as an adult, I still have my few favorite stuffies from childhood. I'd never part with them (it's not hoarding, just one box), but I have no idea what happens to them when I pass on. Can't bear to dispose of them or leave instructions for that, but for anyone else to keep them they'd just take up space forever.
- mc32 3y ago
  It seems that that is appropriate. We ought to have some attachment, but also be able to rationalize and supersede emotions in order to qualify some things and then be able to say, this has little utility for me, it's time to move on. With an absence or suspension of emotion we could just become consumers who consume and dispose like a swarm of locusts.
- Roark66 3y ago
  >Not a hoarder but I do feel a little twinge in my heart if I see someone throw away plush toys or other things with faces. :-) Interesting, I get the same, but for electronics/anything mechanical. Also the longer I have some device the more attached I get to it.
  - Obscurity4340 3y ago
    Ever seen that Ikea commericial with the rejected lamp?
    - caseyohara 3y ago
      I love that ad. It was directed by Spike Jonze, which is very fitting. "Many of you feel bad for this lamp. That is because you're crazy; it has no feelings! And the new one is much better." Here's the 2002 original and 2018 redux: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecTUnfHyj8k https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ecTUnfHyj8k More info: https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamp_(advertisement) https://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Lamp_(advertisement)
  - SamPatt 3y ago
    I have computers from the 90s which I will almost certainly never touch again, but they played such a big role in my young life I can't seem to toss them. I keep thinking I'll boot them back up one day and show my kids.
    - npunt 3y ago
      Same. I think it's pretty normal to want to go back and visit the physical locations of our youth to relive the memories, but if the environments we grew up in were digital we lack a tangible memory to return to, so a substitute is holding onto the systems themselves.
deleted 3y ago
[deleted]
pavel_lishin 3y ago
I'm not a hoarder... I hope... but I definitely feel this. Whenever I have to throw something away, I have to explicitly ignore that little emotional twinge, as well as that voice inside my head that says, "... you can use this for something." If that emotional twinge were too much stronger, or if that voice was too much louder, I'd be in real trouble.
kulahan 3y ago
I know I was close to having a hoarding disorder because I feel this way. I get a new appliance or whatever, and I feel bad that what I'm replacing is going away. It's like losing a member of the team. Anyways, I forced myself to get used to throwing stuff away because I saw where it was going and got freaked out. Maybe I would've been a really minor case had I not tried to intervene at all, if such cases exist.

hungryforcodes 3y ago

I nominate your post for this years Nobel prize in literature. That's a pretty epic description of your mom's situation.

hungryforcodes 3y ago
Not sure why the downvotes. It was not sarcastic.
- tifik 3y ago
  It's a tad insensitive, and I just plain disagree.
- w0de0 3y ago
  The flavor of Reddit in the humor. “Epic.”
  - Solvency 3y ago
    Would it be more HN appropriate had he said "your writing helped me grok your mom's disorder?"
    - burnished 3y ago
      Genuinely, yes, I think that would have been better understood written that way here.
    - LordShredda 3y ago
      [flagged]
- gumby 3y ago
  I know you're "not supposed" to comment on downvotes but I found your comment useful -- the comment was fine, and still grey, so I upvoted it. It is true that some earnest comments can innocently be read as sarcastic.
- 3y ago

atlantic 3y ago

Thanks for that. My Mum was almost the exact opposite to yours, but there seems to be no name for her ailment. She would move house once a year, and she would throw away a large part of everything we owned with every move. In the new house, we would often live amongst piles of cardboard boxes that never got around to being unpacked. While my Dad was alive, the books endured, but on his demise they got thrown out too. And obviously, our social circle did not survive frequent relocation.

Solvency 3y ago
While alive what was your dads role in this annual process? Was he involved in the decision/move/lifestyle? I've never understood family dynamics where one parent is able to absolutely control the entire equation.
- rambojohnson 3y ago
  why would anyone want to dive into such a sensitive topic on a public forum? mind your manners.
  - Solvency 3y ago
    What? Mind my manners? The GP offered their personal anecdote in a thread of vulnerable hoarding stories. I had parents who were equally complicit in their afflictions and I'm genuinely curious about unilateral situations.
  - deleted 3y ago
    [deleted]
  - jychang 3y ago
    This is PRECISELY the type of thing that should be discussed in anonymous public forums, with the consent of the person and with neutral questions not for the sake of shaming the person who’s talking. Growth of issues in society should not be relegated to whispers in back rooms, the way baby boomers do it. That’s how you hamper scientific progress for psychology. How can people investigate an issue if it’s hidden from view? Bringing light to issues for society allows them to be solved as people understand it better. Shame on you for perpetuating toxic behavior that shames people for looking for insight into our world.

BeFlatXIII 3y ago

> totally absent executive function, emotional attachment to inanimate objects, and a desire to have a stockpile from which to provide Fuck me. I have all 3 of those warning signs. At least the emotional attachment isn't strong for most things and can be shaken with a well-placed "Will you realistically ever get around to that?"