4 ms·

I can relate to this 90%. The only difference with me was that I had stressful home situation and I postponed things that I knew I'd be able to get away with at

I can relate to this 90%. The only difference with me was that I had stressful home situation and I postponed things that I knew I'd be able to get away with at the last minute. The former is being resolved but is mostly out of my hands. The latter was a maladaptive behaviour I was not aware of ("I thrive on deadlines", I'd say) and now am very wary of falling into again.

cal85 3y ago
Same experience. How did/do you get out of that maladaptive behaviour?
- welldoneator 3y ago
  Having gone through something similar - therapy with an expert in burnout/depression (although any therapy is like a net positive) and finding the room to re-examine my life and understand what was important to me. To me that looked like taking a few months to spend with my partner and traveling to spend chunks of time with friends and family. It re-oriented (or rather, helped me re-discover) to the importance of these connections relative to work. That said, all of that is easier said than done and not everyone can just take time off from work. But seeing a therapist regularly was the 0 to 1 that gave me the energy and my soul back to figure out the rest.
- LaundroMat 3y ago
  Well, it's still not easy, but I'm so much more aware of it. Actually, I was aware of it, and rationally knew I was creating stress that could be avoided, but I persisted. What made it click in my situation was how my therapist explained it to me. Basically, he said that I was someone who needs a challenge. But, instead of reaching for something higher, I created negative challenges like taking on too much work, waiting until the last minute, purposefully antagonizing people, etc. There are many problems with that (and that's what made me internalize the knowledge that I should really stop doing this): - I cannot not meet these challenges. So the stress I put on myself was tremendous. - The reward is zero: I was doing what was expected. The cost to me was high, but the result was not better. I was literally digging a hole for myself and putting a lot of stress on me to make sure I'd get out of it. That explanation made me look out for behaviour that would put me back in that hole. I can't say I've succeeded all the time, but at least a lot more than before (where I did not even try to avoid it, but purposefully dug that hole). I recognize it when the thought of getting away with something creeps up. If that happens, I force myself to either not do what I was asked/wanted to do, or start working on it now and take pride in doing the best job I can by taking my time for it.

cal85 3y ago

Same experience. How did/do you get out of that maladaptive behaviour?

welldoneator 3y ago
Having gone through something similar - therapy with an expert in burnout/depression (although any therapy is like a net positive) and finding the room to re-examine my life and understand what was important to me. To me that looked like taking a few months to spend with my partner and traveling to spend chunks of time with friends and family. It re-oriented (or rather, helped me re-discover) to the importance of these connections relative to work. That said, all of that is easier said than done and not everyone can just take time off from work. But seeing a therapist regularly was the 0 to 1 that gave me the energy and my soul back to figure out the rest.
LaundroMat 3y ago
Well, it's still not easy, but I'm so much more aware of it. Actually, I was aware of it, and rationally knew I was creating stress that could be avoided, but I persisted. What made it click in my situation was how my therapist explained it to me. Basically, he said that I was someone who needs a challenge. But, instead of reaching for something higher, I created negative challenges like taking on too much work, waiting until the last minute, purposefully antagonizing people, etc. There are many problems with that (and that's what made me internalize the knowledge that I should really stop doing this): - I cannot not meet these challenges. So the stress I put on myself was tremendous. - The reward is zero: I was doing what was expected. The cost to me was high, but the result was not better. I was literally digging a hole for myself and putting a lot of stress on me to make sure I'd get out of it. That explanation made me look out for behaviour that would put me back in that hole. I can't say I've succeeded all the time, but at least a lot more than before (where I did not even try to avoid it, but purposefully dug that hole). I recognize it when the thought of getting away with something creeps up. If that happens, I force myself to either not do what I was asked/wanted to do, or start working on it now and take pride in doing the best job I can by taking my time for it.