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If you have trouble squaring being ypurself and accepting others with being polite, well, then I agree you have a problem. One that makes relationships of any k

by hef19898 3y ago

If you have trouble squaring being ypurself and accepting others with being polite, well, then I agree you have a problem. One that makes relationships of any kind, not just the romantic variety, almost impossible. And no, us humans are not victims of our biology. Since one the few things in the bible I actually agree with, is the whole "god gave humans free will" bit, as intelligent, self-aware animals we can control our actions to an extent. Failing to so actually is a problem, I agree. But that is an individual problem, not a universal one.

roenxi 3y ago
> If you have trouble squaring being ypurself and accepting others with being polite, well, then I agree you have a problem. One that makes relationships of any kind, not just the romantic variety, almost impossible. Call me crazy I suppose, but wouldn't it be a good idea to give people with problems good advice about how to solve their problems? Maybe some sort of community they could go for for good, actionable advice? Because if you walk through what you've just said slowly, it was (1) identified that finding a partner is easy for people who don't have problems finding a partner, and (2) anyone who is having problems is on their own, no need to help them. The thrust of the thinking there lacks a certain empathy. Plan B is being a bit gentler and explaining what they are doing wrong to them using clearer advice than "don't be an ass". That doesn't mean anything concrete and it isn't actionable. It also isn't true, lots of asses have no trouble holding down a partner (usually figuratively, occasionally literally to the general horror of us all if it gets uncovered).
- hef19898 3y ago
  I tried to give some advice, for what it is worth coming from me, in some other posts. And yes, I insist, not being an ass is a great basis. Which requires knowing what makes someone an ass, true. If people fail at knowing that, well, issues at dating are more of a sympthom and not the root cause. Also, yes, at the end there is only so much others can do for you and help you with. Being able to be self-reliant, and being able to ask for, and accept, help are actually rather attractive traits. As is taking responsibility, first for yourself and then for others.

roenxi 3y ago

> If you have trouble squaring being ypurself and accepting others with being polite, well, then I agree you have a problem. One that makes relationships of any kind, not just the romantic variety, almost impossible. Call me crazy I suppose, but wouldn't it be a good idea to give people with problems good advice about how to solve their problems? Maybe some sort of community they could go for for good, actionable advice? Because if you walk through what you've just said slowly, it was (1) identified that finding a partner is easy for people who don't have problems finding a partner, and (2) anyone who is having problems is on their own, no need to help them. The thrust of the thinking there lacks a certain empathy. Plan B is being a bit gentler and explaining what they are doing wrong to them using clearer advice than "don't be an ass". That doesn't mean anything concrete and it isn't actionable. It also isn't true, lots of asses have no trouble holding down a partner (usually figuratively, occasionally literally to the general horror of us all if it gets uncovered).

hef19898 3y ago
I tried to give some advice, for what it is worth coming from me, in some other posts. And yes, I insist, not being an ass is a great basis. Which requires knowing what makes someone an ass, true. If people fail at knowing that, well, issues at dating are more of a sympthom and not the root cause. Also, yes, at the end there is only so much others can do for you and help you with. Being able to be self-reliant, and being able to ask for, and accept, help are actually rather attractive traits. As is taking responsibility, first for yourself and then for others.