3 ms·

Attractiveness is a) subjective and b) nothing one can influence (unless you talk about hardcore surgery). My points are those people have a lot more agency ove

by hef19898 3y ago

Attractiveness is a) subjective and b) nothing one can influence (unless you talk about hardcore surgery). My points are those people have a lot more agency over.

ninkendo 3y ago
Sure, those points people have agency over. But the error in reasoning happens when you say those points add up to “Finding a partner isn't actually that hard”. You’re forgetting that there are things people have no agency over, which makes finding a partner very hard indeed.
- hef19898 3y ago
  No, it actually is not. It really isn't. If you aim for either Margot Robbie or Ryan Gossling you are making it harder yourself. Most Incels so maybe celibate, but it is, considering how they see and treat women to how they see the world and society, totally voluntarily and self inflicted. Also, whining about how hard your life is, how you are not able to achieve your goals because of things outside of your control is a huge turn off, regardless of how your face or body looks like.
  - harimau777 3y ago
    Just because something isn't difficult for you doesn't mean it isn't extraordinarily difficult for others. If someone's neurodivergent, was raised in a sheltered environment, or just isn't good at social interaction, then that can often be a nearly insurmountable barrier.
    - hef19898 3y ago
      Easy isn't the same thing as not hard. Not being an ass shouldn't be that hard, finding a fulfilling relationship so is not easy. And no, it is not easy for me neither, if it wasn't for my now wife when we first met, we wouldn't be together now, forst steps and all that crap. The we didn't beak up so, well, that is on both of us. People tend to over complicate the first step thing so. Just be reepsectful and nice, accept a no, and a date will ultimately follow. Because the opposite sex wants a date, maybe not with you but still, as well. Just don't spray and pray, that approach doesn't work with job applications, it worls even less with dating.
DiggyJohnson 3y ago
Attractiveness is definitely possible to influence. Consider the attractiveness of getting in shape, or a positive or interesting disposition.
volkl48 3y ago
A - Sure, there's no totally objective truth. There's societies on the planet where being as heavy as possible is/was thought to be attractive, or being covered in facial tattoos, or whatever else. However, the basics of what is physically attractive within the society you live are likely straightforward enough that if your likeness is posed to 100 others, you'd get a pretty closely clustered set of ratings. If your interests trend towards a particular subgroup/subculture you may wish to further optimize for what's generally more attractive to that group. B - That seems obviously wrong? Physique, grooming, clothing, etc - virtually no one is at the upper bounds of what they can do in these kinds of areas and they have a massive effect on how physically attractive someone is viewed to be. Sure, that doesn't mean that everyone can become the most attractive person on the planet that way....but they absolutely have the agency to influence how attractive they are to others, significantly.

Attractiveness is a) subjective and b) nothing one can influence (unless you talk about hardcore surgery). My points are those people have a lot more agency over.

ninkendo 3y ago

Sure, those points people have agency over. But the error in reasoning happens when you say those points add up to “Finding a partner isn't actually that hard”. You’re forgetting that there are things people have no agency over, which makes finding a partner very hard indeed.

hef19898 3y ago
No, it actually is not. It really isn't. If you aim for either Margot Robbie or Ryan Gossling you are making it harder yourself. Most Incels so maybe celibate, but it is, considering how they see and treat women to how they see the world and society, totally voluntarily and self inflicted. Also, whining about how hard your life is, how you are not able to achieve your goals because of things outside of your control is a huge turn off, regardless of how your face or body looks like.
- harimau777 3y ago
  Just because something isn't difficult for you doesn't mean it isn't extraordinarily difficult for others. If someone's neurodivergent, was raised in a sheltered environment, or just isn't good at social interaction, then that can often be a nearly insurmountable barrier.
  - hef19898 3y ago
    Easy isn't the same thing as not hard. Not being an ass shouldn't be that hard, finding a fulfilling relationship so is not easy. And no, it is not easy for me neither, if it wasn't for my now wife when we first met, we wouldn't be together now, forst steps and all that crap. The we didn't beak up so, well, that is on both of us. People tend to over complicate the first step thing so. Just be reepsectful and nice, accept a no, and a date will ultimately follow. Because the opposite sex wants a date, maybe not with you but still, as well. Just don't spray and pray, that approach doesn't work with job applications, it worls even less with dating.

DiggyJohnson 3y ago

Attractiveness is definitely possible to influence. Consider the attractiveness of getting in shape, or a positive or interesting disposition.

volkl48 3y ago

A - Sure, there's no totally objective truth. There's societies on the planet where being as heavy as possible is/was thought to be attractive, or being covered in facial tattoos, or whatever else. However, the basics of what is physically attractive within the society you live are likely straightforward enough that if your likeness is posed to 100 others, you'd get a pretty closely clustered set of ratings. If your interests trend towards a particular subgroup/subculture you may wish to further optimize for what's generally more attractive to that group. B - That seems obviously wrong? Physique, grooming, clothing, etc - virtually no one is at the upper bounds of what they can do in these kinds of areas and they have a massive effect on how physically attractive someone is viewed to be. Sure, that doesn't mean that everyone can become the most attractive person on the planet that way....but they absolutely have the agency to influence how attractive they are to others, significantly.