5 ms·

Being a “nice guy” does not work. Having confidence, while valuing and respecting women (as they would you) absolutely does.

harimau777 3y ago
What about the people who don't have confidence? They should just kill themselves?
- hef19898 3y ago
  No, why? You have two choices so. Either you try to be a better person, try to build that confidence. Or continue pretending to be a victim and whine about your lot in life. And no, a stelar career, shit ton of money, fame and drop dead looks are not what I meam by that.
  - harimau777 3y ago
    Confidence and social competence aren't a switch that someone can flip just by trying harder. There's tons of men who have spent years trying to become a better person (therapy, self help, communications courses, education, constructive hobbies, etc.) and have nothing to show for it.
    - hef19898 3y ago
      Coming back to my original post, and adding some more details. Point was not being an ass. That means basically two things: Not actively treating people like shit (that can be pretended, something all those pick up artists scum bags do and sell) and unintentionally doing it. The latter is the harder bit, as it involves actually caring and listening to other people. When in company, making it all about yourself is not necessarily being an ass (it can be so), but rather egoistical and unpleasant for the other person. Having years of therapy (!), and nothing to show for, hints, IMHO, at the second issue. No amount of therapy and course work can make you care about someone else as much as you do about yourself, IMHO, because therapy is for you. Ad my grandmother aslways said: every pot has its cover (very bad translation). And she was right. The trick is to not force it, be open, let stuff happen and just not be an ass. Or a self-victimizing whiner, as that can be kind of the opposite end of toxic masculinity and is equally unsexy. But even then, there is someone special out there. As soon as you make a relationship as much about the other person as you do about yourself, are sincere about that, well, a lot of surprising things can happen. Also, you are never done becoming a better human being. Especially since for ech step forward, you will take a couple back at times.

harimau777 3y ago

What about the people who don't have confidence? They should just kill themselves?

hef19898 3y ago
No, why? You have two choices so. Either you try to be a better person, try to build that confidence. Or continue pretending to be a victim and whine about your lot in life. And no, a stelar career, shit ton of money, fame and drop dead looks are not what I meam by that.
- harimau777 3y ago
  Confidence and social competence aren't a switch that someone can flip just by trying harder. There's tons of men who have spent years trying to become a better person (therapy, self help, communications courses, education, constructive hobbies, etc.) and have nothing to show for it.
  - hef19898 3y ago
    Coming back to my original post, and adding some more details. Point was not being an ass. That means basically two things: Not actively treating people like shit (that can be pretended, something all those pick up artists scum bags do and sell) and unintentionally doing it. The latter is the harder bit, as it involves actually caring and listening to other people. When in company, making it all about yourself is not necessarily being an ass (it can be so), but rather egoistical and unpleasant for the other person. Having years of therapy (!), and nothing to show for, hints, IMHO, at the second issue. No amount of therapy and course work can make you care about someone else as much as you do about yourself, IMHO, because therapy is for you. Ad my grandmother aslways said: every pot has its cover (very bad translation). And she was right. The trick is to not force it, be open, let stuff happen and just not be an ass. Or a self-victimizing whiner, as that can be kind of the opposite end of toxic masculinity and is equally unsexy. But even then, there is someone special out there. As soon as you make a relationship as much about the other person as you do about yourself, are sincere about that, well, a lot of surprising things can happen. Also, you are never done becoming a better human being. Especially since for ech step forward, you will take a couple back at times.